Category: Liars & Scammers

Ever come across a customer that has made you want to call the police? These ones pretty much ensure it. It goes way beyond the realms of shoplifting or threatening behavior. Some of these customers are too stupid even for those…


Your Request Is Totally Criminal

| England, UK | Criminal & Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Popular

(I work as a freelance editor, including editing CVs and cover letters for jobs. I had a client ask me to improve his CV, “make it sound fancy and good,” as well as to write a cover letter for his applications, primarily for a teaching assistant job. I rewrote almost all of the CV and an impressive cover letter. About two months later I receive a phone call from him.)

Client: “I’d like a refund for the work you did.”

Me: “I’m sorry, what’s wrong?”

Client: “It’s been two months, and I still can’t get a job. The CV and cover letter are s***.”

Me: “You were happy with both when I delivered them, and also it clearly states in the contract that I do not offer refunds and that there is no guarantee of employment.”

Client: “The reason I’m not getting the jobs is because of this s*** you wrote. I want my money back.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I don’t see how what I wrote would prevent you from getting a job. Are you sure there’s no other reason?”

Client: “No! I even had my brother look over the CV and he said it was s*** and it’s why I wasn’t getting a job. He’s a professional editor too, and he knows this s***.”

Me: “If your brother is a professional, then why did you hire me instead of him?”

Client: “Because he’s busy with a real job, unlike you!”

Me: “Look, I’m sorry, but unless you can prove to me that I somehow voided our contract, I am not giving you a refund.”

Client: “I CAN prove it!”

(The client continued to bug me until I agreed to meet up with him and go through his application form, proving that it was the CV and not him. I watched as he filled in every detail without any worries, until we reached the problem question.)

Me: “Wait, you’ve put that you have a criminal conviction?”

Client: “Oh… yeah… A couple of years ago I got arrested for assault. But it was total bull-s***. She was a lying b****.”

Me: “You’re applying to work in a school with an assault charge. That’ll be why they’re not hiring you.”

Client: “No, because I tell them first.”

Me: “You tell them?”

Client: “Yeah, in the cover letter. I added a note at the end saying that the assault charge was false.”

Me: “But you were found guilty?”

Client: “Yeah, that’s just because my kid said she saw me do it.”

Me: “Okay, it doesn’t matter to the employer whether you claim it to be true or not. You were convicted, you were found guilty, so they take that as truth and won’t hire you to work with children.”

Client: “But it wasn’t true.”

Me: “But the school will believe it is.”

Client: “But I tell them first it ain’t.”

(We went around in circles for a while until I just got up and left. He continued to harass me for a while, and even threatened to sue. Needless to say, nothing ever came of it. As far as I’m aware, he’s had a couple jobs, not in schools thankfully, but lost all of them.)


Scammers Never Take A Holiday

| VA, USA | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers, Popular

Customer: “Hi, can I get [Popular Holiday Beverage]?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, that’s only available during the holiday season. Can I get you something else?”

Customer: “Well, since you’re out of what I want, can I get some of those free drink coupons you give out?”

Me: “No, sir, literally no one has [Popular Holiday Beverage] right now. It’s April.”

Customer: *scanning menu board* “What about [Item he thinks sounds obscure]?”

Me: “It’s available in half pounds right here, sir.”

Customer: “Oh, no, I don’t want that. I just hoped you’d give me some coupons ’cause you probably didn’t have it.”

(After he leaves:)

Coworker: “That’s like ordering a pony at McDonald’s, and demanding free stuff because they don’t have it. What the h***?”


It’s All In The Delivery

| Seattle, WA, USA | Liars & Scammers, Popular

(I work for the call center in a high end department store. Our protocol for when customers claim to not have received a package that their tracking shows as delivered is to replace it unless the customer has history on their profile less than six months ago, in which case further research must be conducted.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]; my name is [My Name]. How can I help?”

Customer: “Yeah, I didn’t get my package.”

Me: “All right, let me pull up the order.”

(I pull it up and check the tracking that shows it having been delivered.)

Me: “Yes, I see that it shows delivered on [date], but you never received it?”

Customer: “Nope.”

Me: “All right, let me take a look. I’m going to put you on a brief hold.”

(While she’s on hold I check her profile. There’s a similar incident on her profile four days ago. And two weeks ago. And a month ago. This is usually indicative of a potential fraud.)

Me: “Thank you for holding. It looks like you’ve been having quite a few delivery issues!”

Customer: “Um… yeah.”

Me: “Well, we definitely want to figure out what’s going on so I’m going to pass this along to our delivery research team so we can fix the problem.”

Customer: “Um, no, that won’t be necessary.”

Me: “Oh, no, we insist.”

Customer: *click*


I Want This Pretty Little Black(mail) Dress

| USA | Criminal & Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Popular

(I fill in at a high-end resale shop owned by friends when they need someone. My roommate stops by to give me lunch and picks up a fairly expensive item her sister had ordered and paid for online. We chat for a while, and after she leaves, the only customer in the store comes up to the counter.)

Customer: “So that’s how it is, huh?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “If I give you a sandwich, do I get a free dress?”

Me: “That was already paid for.”

Customer: “Tell you what, sweetie. You give me these items for half off, and I don’t tell the store manager that you’re giving things away to your friends.”

Me: *speechless*

Customer: “Or we can just call him and have your thieving a** hauled off to jail.”

(She has a really nasty smile. Unfortunately for her, the owner is under the counter working on something and hears every word. He abruptly stands up and she jumps back a little.)

Owner: “Or how ’bout we just kick your thieving a** out of the store?”

(He was absolutely incensed and forbade her from ever coming back. I can’t believe that she jumped to the conclusion that I was giving things away and then tried to blackmail me.)


Got The Meat-Balls To Stand Up To Him

, | USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Popular

(I work at the front desk in a government office. While at my station at the front desk, a coworker is speaking with a young man, very near me in the lobby. I can easily overhear the conversation in which the young man is describing how he likes to go through the lines at sandwich restaurants and “just for fun” say the sandwich was bad, and make them re-do his sandwich. It was a fun game for him, and sometimes he even received the “bad” sandwich too, or would even get a free sandwich “for the trouble.” As I hear him say this, I think “What an a**hole!”, but say nothing. About a week later, I go to lunch at the local sandwich shop. I find myself in line behind this young man. I don’t recognize him at first, but who he is gradually dawns on me as I watch him. He is looking right at the sandwich maker as she is putting his meatball sub together and sure enough, when he gets to the register, he says it is wrong and wants another because it has too much sauce. At that point I know what is happening and decide to call him on his game.)

Me: “Why didn’t you tell her it was wrong while she was making it?”

Customer: “I wasn’t looking.”

Me: “Yes, you were. I was watching you. You were staring at her the whole time. If you didn’t like the way she made your sandwich, you should have told her AT THE TIME.”

Customer: *getting flustered* “No, really, I wasn’t looking.”

Me: *getting adamant* “Yes, you were. I SAW YOU! You were staring at her, watching her make that sandwich the whole time. If you didn’t like the way she made your sandwich, you should have told her AT THE TIME. THAT’S WHY THEY MAKE THE SANDWICHES IN FRONT OF US!!”

Customer: *flustered* “But it’s…”

Sandwich Maker: *she doesn’t know what I know about him* “Ma’am, it’s really okay.”

Me: *to her* “NO, IT’S NOT! If he didn’t like the way the sandwich was being made” *me turning to him* “HE SHOULD HAVE TOLD YOU AT THE TIME!” *back to sandwich maker* “He was looking at you the whole time!”

Sandwich Maker: *stares at me with eyes wide and slack-jawed, not knowing what to say*

(I keep laying it on him and he remains flustered while the sandwich maker’s coworkers make him another which he accepts and pays for, and then makes a quick dash out the door. The line workers and the manager are all gathered around the register and a couple staff persons are peeking out the doors to the back area and all are looking at me in awe.)

Manager: “Here. Why don’t you take this?” *holding out the “bad” meatball sub*

Me: “No, but thank you. I’m vegetarian.”

Manager: “Take it. You could give it to someone…”

Me: “But I can’t eat it. Why don’t you have it?”

Manager: “No, really, we can’t eat it. If we keep it here, it will have to be thrown away.”

Me: *while the injustice of a cow losing his life only to be thrown away flashes through my mind, I reply* “Okay, I’ll take it back to work and see if anyone wants it.”

(So I left with two sandwiches, and as it turned out, my supervisor was a devout carnivore, and even though he’d had lunch already, was very fond the meatball subs from that shop and decided to take one for the team and have two lunches! He also remembered the young man, and agreed that he was an a**-hole. I can only hope that in the future, that young man will think twice about what might be a “fun game.”)

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