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Category: Liars & Scammers

Ever come across a customer that has made you want to call the police? These ones pretty much ensure it. It goes way beyond the realms of shoplifting or threatening behavior. Some of these customers are too stupid even for those…

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Oil Try Again Somewhere Else

| San Antonio, TX, USA | Liars & Scammers, Popular, Transportation

(I’m selling my car to raise money for a move to Japan in 2011. I’ve found a prospective buyer and let her have a test drive. We’re getting to the time to change out money and car and she brings her husband who takes his time to go around the car.)

Husband: “We can’t pay your asking price for this.”

Me: “Why not?”

Husband: “It’s leaking oil, see?”

(Points under the car to where a small amount of liquid has discolored the pavement.)

Husband: “It’ll cost is too much to keep it running.”

Me: “That’s funny. It doesn’t use that much oil.”

Husband: “Well, we’ll still have to ask you to drop the price to [amount way lower than what will get me the money I need for the move].”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t afford to go that low. I wouldn’t have enough money to get to my new job.”

Husband: “Well, the highest I can go would be [price that is still way too low].”

Me: “No. I think I’ll have call this off and find someone else, then.”

Husband: “Are you sure? You’re not going get it sold to anyone with that leak.”

Me: “Yeah, I think so. Sorry for wasting your time.”

(Husband and Wife look bewildered that I’m not willing to haggle but leave anyway. I take my car back to my parents’ home where I’m staying before heading to Japan.)

Father: “They were trying to scam you.”

Me: “It kinda felt like that, but how can you know?”

Father: “There’s no oil stains on our driveway. If you were leaking oil there’d be at least one.”

(I later had my mechanics look for leaks and they found none, saying the only liquid was coming from condensation. I took the car to a used car place and got about 90% of my asking price… more than double the best price the husband offered me. The used car place’s damage report only found cosmetic damage and found the engine and car itself to be in excellent condition. I am still in Japan.)

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I Love The Smell Of BS In The Morning…

| VA, USA | Liars & Scammers, Military, Popular

(The high-end restaurant I work at offers a hefty discount to serving military or military veterans. A couple come in, the man in an army uniform. I notice something off about the man’s ribbons and notify the restaurant owner (who is a veteran). He goes over to the couple’s table.)

Owner: “Good evening. Welcome to [Restaurant]. I’m the owner, [Owner]. I just wanted to come over and thank you for your service. Would you two like a glass of wine on the house?”

Man: *obviously pleased at the recognition* “Sure, thanks.”

Owner: “Or would you prefer a soft drink? I know alcohol doesn’t stand up to the super-soldier serum very well.”

Man: “What?”

Owner: “Well, by your ribbons there, I see you served in Vietnam. You don’t look a day older than 30, so my guess would be super-soldier serum, right?”

Man: *now bright red* “Uh…”

Owner: “Only explanation for it, considering that impersonating a military officer is worth three years in prison and no one would be f***-witted enough to do that for a discounted meal, right?”

Woman: *absolutely enraged* “You lying f***ing sack of a**-holes!”

(The man bolted out without his date. The owner gave the woman a free meal and a couple of desserts to take home, and one of the wait staff gave her a ride home.)

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A Shocking Feat Of Counterfeit

| Athens, GA, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Liars & Scammers, Money, Popular

(A customer walks in to get a coke and a candy bar.)

Me: “Good morning, sir.”

Customer: “Yeah, I want these.”

Me: *rings up his purchase* “Yes, sir, that will be [amount].”

(The customer lays down a bill. I pick it up and it’s a photocopied $500 bill that has no back. I stare in disbelief at the bill before looking back up at the customer.)

Customer: “Yeah, it’s real. Give me my change.”

Me: “Sir. Get the h*** out of my store.”

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His Thinking Is Far To The Right

, | Fayetteville, AK, USA | Crazy Requests, Liars & Scammers, Popular, School

(Usually, it’s pretty slow but one day a patron is very irate and storms over to me.)

Me: “Hello, sir. How may I help you?”

Patron: “You need to change your doors!”

Me: *slightly confused* “Excuse me?”

Patron: “Your doors are on the wrong side. This is f***ing America! We do everything to the right! You god-d*** door entrances are on the left. I demand you fix them!”

Me: “Sir, I’m going to have to ask that you stop using that type of language and keep your voice down. I’m sorry you have such a problem with the position of our doors. I can fill out a maintenance request but I don’t think there is much they will be willing to do since they isn’t actually anything physically wrong with the doors.”

Patron: “Listen here! I’m the Dean of this library! I demand you fix those doors right now! This is America, not f***ing England! ”

Me: “Sir, I am asking you again to lower your voice and not speak to me that way. If I have to ask you again I will be asking you to leave. And sir, that’s pretty amazing surgery if you’re in fact the dean.”

Patron: “What the h*** are you talking about?”

Me: “Well, sir, you’re a Caucasian, mid-twenties male. Our Dean, at least as of this morning when she came in, was an African American, middle-aged woman.”

(He stormed out of the library as security quickly followed him. He was banned from the library and I never did put in that maintenance request!)

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Your Wifely Duties

| USA | Liars & Scammers, Popular

(My husband and father-in-law own a small grocery store. I’m working as a cashier and am helping a very elderly gentleman put his items on the belt so I can ring him up when a woman pushes through us and starts to unload her stuff on the front half of the belt.)

Me: “Excuse me, but you need to move to the back of the line. This gentleman is currently checking out.”

Customer: “I don’t see you ringing him up so it’s actually my turn.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but he needed some help. Although I haven’t started to check him out, it is still his turn.”

Customer: “I’m the owner’s wife! If I say it’s my turn it’s my d*** turn!”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, I’m the owner’s wife and I would appreciate it if you would remove your items and please move behind this gentleman so I can finish checking him out.”

Customer: “What do you know? You’re just a f****** cashier. I AM the owner’s WIFE!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, just give me a moment.”

(I apologize to the gentleman and text my husband to come to the register as I walk to stand behind it. The customer gives me a smug smile but I wait to ring her up. My husband walks up.)

Husband: “What seems to be the problem?”

Me: “Nothing much. She kept insisting she was your wife so she could cut in front of this nice gentleman. I tried telling her I was your wife but she wouldn’t listen so I thought you could tell her.”

(We both look at the customer as her face goes red with embarrassment and anger.)

Customer: “This is bull-s***! Your customer service is terrible! I’m never shopping here again!”

(She storms off and my husband yells after her.)

Husband: “See you at home, honey!”

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