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Category: Liars & Scammers

Ever come across a customer that has made you want to call the police? These ones pretty much ensure it. It goes way beyond the realms of shoplifting or threatening behavior. Some of these customers are too stupid even for those…

Should Have Vetted The Owners First

| Newport Beach, CA, USA | Liars & Scammers, Pets & Animals

(I’ve just graduated and I can’t find a job. My older brother is a veterinarian, and gets me a temp job at the animal clinic where he works. On my sixth day, when my brother has the day off, a client walks in with her dog. She cuts about eight people to the front.)

Client: “My dog is sick! I need to see the doctor!”

Me: “Okay. Do you have an appointment?”

Client: “H***, no! I thought walk-ins were welcomed.”

Me: “Yes. They are. Is this your first time here, or is your dog already in our system?”

Client: “Of course I’ve been here! You must be stupid because this is, like, my 100th time here. My name is [Client] and my dog is Puddles.”

Me: “And what seems to be the problem with Puddles?”

Client: “I just told you! Don’t you f****** listen? He is f****** sick!”

(By now everyone in the waiting room is looking at us. Feeling a bit embarrassed at being cussed at, I don’t ask her anymore questions. I hand her a form.)

Me: “All right. Just fill out this form and a doctor will be with you in about 20 to 30 minutes.”

Client: “What! Why can’t I see the doctor now?! My dog sick and he is going to die!”

(I look at the dog. He is wagging his tail and eating the free doggy treats we have out.)

Me: “I’m sorry. Since you don’t have an appointment, you’ll have to wait. We have about eight other walk-ins still waiting with their pets.”

Client: “Is Dr. [Brother] here? He’s the guy I always see. Just tell him I’m here.”

Me: “Uh, no. That particular doctor has the day off. You’ll have to wait for Dr. [Name]. She’s the only doctor in today.”

Client: “What?! I’m not going to wait in this f****** line! My dog is going to die and if he does I’m going to sue you for everything you got.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but you’re going to have to wait like everyone else.”

Client: “Don’t you know who I am?”

Me: “Yes. You are [Client] and that is Puddles.”

Client: “You little b****! I am Dr. [Brother]’s girlfriend, which makes me like family. I get to see the doctor first, before any of these people.”

(I kind of giggle inside, because my brother is gay. He took the day off for his sixth year anniversary with his boyfriend.)

Me: “Oh. Are you a girl that is his friend or his romantic girlfriend?”

Client: “I’m his romantic girlfriend.”

Me: “Oh… But you’re still going to have to wait.”

Client: “Are you deaf or something? I told you I’m Dr. [Brother]’s girlfriend. You have to do what I say or I can have him fire you! You’re just jealous that I’m dating him and you’re too ugly for him to look at.”

Me: “Okay. First, Dr. [Brother] is my brother, so I don’t find him attractive in that sense at all. Second, my brother is GAY! He came out in college. So if you don’t have a wiener dog down there, I don’t think my brother would be very interested in you!”

Client: “You little c***! I’m his girlfriend and I’m going to tell him to fire you!”

Me: “If you’re his girlfriend, when is his birthday?”

Client: “I don’t have to tell you! You’re probably in love with him, you w****!”

(By now everyone is listening in on our conversation. There is a man in the walk-in line with a German Shepard. He comes up to the woman and tells her to back off and wait in line like everyone else.)

Client: “Who the h*** are you? You can’t tell me what to do? Who the f*** do you think you are?”

Man: “I am a sheriff’s deputy, ma’am. You’ve been harassing this woman for the past 10 minutes. She can file harassment charges on you and I will be her witness.”

Client: “F*** you all. I’m never coming back here ever again!”

(She came back the next day. My brother told her he will not be Puddles’ doctor anymore, and that, in fact, he is gay and not her boyfriend.)

Only Slipping On The Truth

| New York, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal & Illegal, Health & Body, Liars & Scammers

(It is about 11 pm in a grocery store. I am the supervisor on duty. It is just me, cleaning the customer service counter, and one cashier working a register. An elderly customer ambles up to the checkout lane.)

Cashier: “Hey, ma’am. How are you tonight?”

Customer: “Oh, I’m just- AHHHHHHHH!” *waves her arms dramatically and hops backwards.* “Oh, my gosh, honey. There’s a HUGE puddle of water there! Oh, I slipped. I think I hurt something! Oh, my hip!”

Cashier: “Really? Are you okay?”

Customer: “Oww, my hip! Oh, I think I strained something! Get me your manager right now!”

(The cashier pages the manager to the register.)

Manager: “Oh, my goodness, ma’am. What happened?!”

Customer: “There was a huge puddle of water! I slipped and I hurt my back! Oh, gosh. It hurts!”

Manager: *to cashier, who is wiping the floor with paper towels that are remaining suspiciously dry* “Ring up her groceries for me, please.” *to the customer* “Here, ma’am. Have a seat. Please, tell me exactly what happened.”

Customer: “Oh, there was all this water, and I slipped like this.”

(The customer makes exaggerated lunges, trying to demonstrate how she fell.)

Customer: “Oh, it was awful. My hip hurts! Oh, I threw out my back! Oh, it hurts!”

(The customer makes more movements an injured person would be quite incapable of making.)

Customer: “I’ll be contacting my lawyer!”

Manager: “I see. Here’s my store and my personal information. Please give me yours as well, and we’ll be in touch. I’m terribly sorry about this. I hope you make it home alright.”

(The customer ambles out to her car, shouting ‘oh, my back!’ the entire way.)

Manager: “I need written statements from both of you. Good thing we have this on camera.”

Cashier: “Do you think she’ll sue?”

Manager: “I hope so. I’m putting her a** in jail if she does.”

Shouldn’t Sweater Over It

| Newcastle, England, UK | Holidays, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

(I’m looking for a popular Christmas jumper (sweater) and have finally found one in my size. It is the last one in the store and I have put it in my trolley. I’m just browsing around the other clothes when a customer looks into my trolley and takes the jumper.)

Me: “Excuse me, but what are you doing?”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “That jumper was in my trolley. I’m buying it.”

Customer: “No. It wasn’t. I’ve just got this off the rail! Stop hassling me!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I just WATCHED YOU take it out of my trolley and put it into your basket. Can you please give it back so I can go and buy it?”

Customer: “No. It’s not your colour. Anyway, I didn’t take it out of your trolley.”

Me: “Okay. There is an easy way of solving this. Why don’t we go and visit security and get them to look at the camera? If you took it out of my trolley then you give it back. If you didn’t and I was mistaken I will pay for the jumper for you as an apology. How does that sound?”

Customer: “HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE ME OF BEING A THIEF YOU F*****G SKANK!”

Me: “Right. I’ve had enough of this now. I came here just for that jumper.”

(I grab it out of the basket. The customer walks away, muttering loudly.)

Customer: “Such a b****. Ruining Christmas for me!”

Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 5

| CA, USA | Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers

(I own a coffee shop in a small town. My best friend is the manager and head barista. I am pretty young and inherited the place from family. I have come in for some coffee and to do some paperwork for a new hire. I am in line behind a very disgruntled customer.)

Customer: “You don’t have any authority to kick me out, you s***! I can do as I like. This is America. Only the owner can kick me out and he is never here. I am good friends with [Former Owner] and his whole family. So get me my drink on the house or I am going to have you fired. Do it now!”

Me: “Excuse me? You said you know [Former Owner]?”

Customer: “Well, yes. He is going to be so angry!”

Me: “Then you would have attended his funeral last March. You would also know that he never stood for abusive people in his shop.”

Customer: “How do you know this, you little snot? What are you, in high school?”

Me: “Actually, I am 25. My uncle passed away last year after battling cancer. I have been working at this shop since I was 15. He left it to me in the will. I own this shop. You have no right to speak to the barista, or anyone, that way. Please get out of my shop. The next time you show up you will be arrested.”

Customer: “You are missing out, young lady. I have never been so offended in my life! How dare you talk to me like that!?”

(My friend, the barista, feels the need to interject.)

Barista: “How dare you act like a child?! You make sexist, crude remarks every time you come in, you a**. I am lucky to work here. I have a very understanding boss. You are nothing but a bully. Get out of here and don’t come back.”

(The customer looks towards me.)

Me: “You heard my barista. Get out of my store.”

Customer: “Fine! But you are missing out!”

(The customer storms out of coffee store.)

Barista: “Thank you.”

Me: “I am going to give you a raise for that.”

Barista: “I thought I was going to be fired.”

Me: “Nope. That was hilarious.”

(She has worked for me for about five years now and has been made a partner!)

Related:
Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 4
Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 3
Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 2
Getting Owned By The Owner

That Kind Of Behavior Is Just Not Cricket, Part 2

| UK | At The Checkout, Criminal & Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Military, Top, Wild & Unruly

(I am a customer. I witness an argument at one of the tills over a false label on an expensive cricket set. It appears as though the label has been attached by the customer. It is obviously written in green felt tip and not real.)

Customer: “Why won’t you give me the discount?”

Employee: “Because this is obviously a fake label.”

Customer: “HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE ME OF BEING A SCAM ARTIST! GET ME YOUR MANAGER!”

(The employee fetches a manager.)

Manager: “Sir, we are not going to sell you a set that costs £189.99 for only £15. This is obviously not a real label.”

(The customer takes a bat out of the pack and raises it in a threatening motion.)

Customer: “GIVE IT TO ME FOR FREE OR I’LL BREAK YOUR SKULLS!”

(Suddenly, out of nowhere, a random customer who is just walking past grabs the bat. He moves it round the unruly customer’s shoulder, flooring the bad customer and disarming him in one motion. The random customer goes right up to his face.)

Random Customer: “Buddy, you ain’t gonna get s*** unless you calm down and learn to be an honest man instead of a p***k. F*** off.”

(The unruly customer gets up and runs off, only to be grabbed by security and arrested a few minutes later. The good customer was given a £100 gift card and was even offered a job as a security guard! He declined, saying it was his duty to be a good citizen. I found out he was an ex-colonel in the British army and had been in tougher situations than that.)

Related:
That Kind Of Behavior Is Just Not Cricket

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