Category: Liars & Scammers

Ever come across a customer that has made you want to call the police? These ones pretty much ensure it. It goes way beyond the realms of shoplifting or threatening behavior. Some of these customers are too stupid even for those…

Wanted Proof But Got Overproof

| USA | Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Transportation

(I work at a chain shipping store. One of my coworkers is helping an older woman who wants to ship a package to a friend. She has a box that is inside a plastic bag.)

Coworker: “Ma’am, is there anything breakable in your package?”

Older Woman: “Yes. It probably needs to be bubble wrapped but you can just bubble wrap the box.”

Coworker: “Okay, that’s not a problem! Can I just take the box out of the bag to make sure the item isn’t moving around inside the box?”

Older Woman: “Sure, that’s not a problem.”

(My coworker takes the box out of the bag and notices that the box says that it contains a bottle of Crown Royal. In our state you cannot ship hard liquor without a number of serious licenses.)

Coworker: “Ma’am, what’s inside this box?”

Older Woman: “Shampoo.”

Coworker: “Ma’am, are you sure?”

Older Woman: “Yes, it’s just shampoo.”

Coworker: “Ma’am, do you mind if I check to make sure its just shampoo?”

Older Woman: “Sure, that’s not a problem.”

(My coworker opens the box and pulls out a full bottle of Crown Royal.)

Coworker: “Ma’am, this is a bottle of Crown Royal. You can’t ship this. It’s against the law.”

Older Woman: “No. It’s shampoo!”

Coworker: “Ma’am, this ‘shampoo’ is 80 proof.”

(The older woman grabs the Crown Royal from my coworker and quickly exits the store.)

Coworker: *to me* “I want that kind of shampoo!”

Not Yelping His Cause

| CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers

(In self-storage, a tenant is required to give notice BEFORE their due date. Every summer we get the students who store dorm stuff while they go back home.)

Tenant: “Hi, I’m closing out my storage today.”

Me: “Oh, let me pull you up… Did you schedule your move out?”

Tenant: “Uh… no.”

Me: “I’m afraid you’re eight days past your due date, and your automatic payment went through on your due date.”

(We specifically tell new tenants that they have to give notice, and if the payment is made there are absolutely no refunds… It’s printed in block letters on the lease they sign!)

Tenant: *now very upset* “Well, if you don’t refund my money RIGHT NOW, I’ll go on Yelp and give you a one-star review!”

Me: “Huh, see that bank of video feeds above me?” *points at our security system* “Well, they also record sound. What you just threatened is actually called EXTORTION. Would you like to call the police, or shall I do it for you?”

Tenant: “Uh… uh… I was just kidding, man…” *laughs nervously* “Everything’s okay; I’ll be leaving now!”

(Our camera system doesn’t record audio, and we got a five-star review from the kid!)

No License To Be An A**-Hole

| NY, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Liars & Scammers

(Our store has a scanner that we use to scan both products and IDs. Without scanning an ID, we literally cannot ring up age-restricted products like tobacco, lottery, alcohol, and even lighters. There is absolutely no way to bypass the system and hand type in the birthday, and the system has been in for nearly a year. I’ve worked here for about five months.)

Older Man: “…and give me a pack of [Brand] cigarettes.”

Me: “Okay, sir, may I just scan your license?”

Older Man: “What, I don’t look old enough?”

Me: “That is not the case, sir. Unfortunately, unless I physically scan the barcode on the back of your license, I cannot ring up cigarettes.”

Older Man: “That’s b*******. I’ve come here every other day and they’ve just typed in my birthday.”

Me: “…No, you have not.”

Older Man: “Excuse me, you stupid little girl?!”

(I am a transgender male, so this hit a real hard spot. I know I won’t get in trouble if I explain myself to my manager in the morning, so I go off.)

Me: “Do NOT lie to me, sir. I have worked here for almost five months and this system was in long before I started working here. I have not ONCE seen you, despite working all three shifts on multiple occasions. You have been incredibly rude this entire transaction, and you have outwardly misgendered me and I will NOT tolerate dealing with someone as horrible as you. You need to leave.”

Older Man: “This is all kinds of f***ed up. I hope you f***ing lose your job, you dumb, stupid b****.”

Me: “If you do not leave this instant I will call the police for harassment. We have your license plate and you swearing on tape.” *I point up to the camera above my head*

Older Man: “…but they ALWAYS just type in my birthday!”

(He left, but not without spitting on the door first!)

Relatively Stupid

| Perth, WA, Australia | Liars & Scammers

Caller: “Hello, I was hoping to speak to [Boss]?”

Me: “Oh, he’s actually gone home for the day! Would you like me to take a message for him?”

Caller: “No. I’m a relative and it’s incredibly important I speak to him.”

Me: “Well, if you’re family, would you like me to put you through to [Boss’s son]?”

Caller: “Who?”

I Have Twenty-Twenty Vision

| Colorado Springs, CO, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers

(I ring up a customer for two lemonades that are on sale at 2 for $5.)

Me: “All right, sir, your total is $5.39.”

Customer: *hands me a $50 bill*

Me: *checks its authenticity then puts it through and gets out his change* “All right, sir, your change is 61 cents and here’s twenty, forty, and four ones.”

(I ALWAYS count customer change back to them, especially when it is a large amount. The cashier behind me needs an override for a void, so I scan my supervisor card and turn back to him.)

Customer: “Excuse me; you only gave me $25. See, one of the twenties is actually a one.”

(I look at his hand and see a one where I definitely put a twenty before. I know he is trying to con me, so I put up my closed sign and ask the lady who was next to please go to the next cashier, who has no customers. I then page my coworker over and ask her to bring out the mobile money counter to count my till.)

Customer: “I’m not magician! Look, it’s not here!” *rolls up his sleeves*

Me: “Okay, sir, I just need to have my drawer counted first.”

Customer: “Well, how long is this going to take? Ten minutes?”

Me: “No, sir, only a minute or two.”

Customer: “Well, I’m going next door! I’ll be back for my twenty after you count that drawer!”

(Guess what? He never came back. And my till was spot on.)