Category: Liars & Scammers

Ever come across a customer that has made you want to call the police? These ones pretty much ensure it. It goes way beyond the realms of shoplifting or threatening behavior. Some of these customers are too stupid even for those…

Won’t Be Refilling On That Scam Anymore

| Newport, KY, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

(A customer comes into the theater and, as he approaches the concession stand, takes an old, folded-up popcorn bag out of his jacket pocket.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “I need a refill.”

Me: “We only offer refills on same day-of-purchase.”

Customer: “I bought this today.”

Me: “Sir, I know that’s not true for three reasons. First, I just saw you come in from outside. Second, this is not the bag we are currently using, and third, you’re the first customer today.”

(He slunk away without a free refill. The customer in question was a chronic scammer who was later banned from the theater.)

A Scam Not Even Fit For The Dogs

| TN, USA | Liars & Scammers

(Every now and then, we get scammers or thieves trying to return stolen merchandise at my store for cash. However, one scammer tried a different approach.)

Me: *answering the phone* “Thank you for calling [Pet Store]; how can I help you?”

Scammer: “Yeah, uh, I bought a bag of dog food last week, but it was bad, so I threw it out. I talked to a manager last week, and he said he could give me a refund. Let’s see… I can’t remember his name…”

(I recognize the bait immediately; he is waiting for me to list the names of the managers to help him “remember.”)

Me: “Do you have a receipt?”

Scammer: “Uh, no, I don’t. I’m trying to think of that manager…”

Me: “We can still look up your transaction. Do you remember the date that you bought it?”

Scammer: “Uh, I don’t know.”

Me: “Do you have a [Pet Store] account?”

(About 95% of our customers have an account because it gives them the sale prices.)

Scammer: “No, I don’t.”

Me: “Do you remember what food you bought?”

Scammer: “No, I threw it out.”

Me: “Then unfortunately, sir, there’s nothing I can do to help you.”

Scammer: “What? But I talked to a manager!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but if you don’t have a receipt, you don’t have an account, you can’t remember the date you purchased your food, you can’t remember the food you bought, and you don’t have the food with you anymore, then I have no way of proving that you purchased it.”

Scammer: “But why would your manager say I could get a refund if I couldn’t?”

(I realize at this point that he doesn’t realize that I AM a manager, and none of my coworkers have ever mentioned a customer needing a refund for food he threw out.)

Me: “I don’t know, sir. You’ll have to ask him. Every manager here follows the same policy: you need proof of purchase to make a return.”

Scammer: “Well, then, uh, I guess I’ll have to complain to corporate!”

Me: “You are free to do that, sir, or you could come into the store tomorrow to see if you can find that manager you spoke to last week, and we’ll see what we can do for you.”

Scammer: “Yeah, I’ll do that! How many managers will be there? What are their names?”

Me: *still not falling for it* “We have several managers here, sir.”

Scammer: “Well, uh, I’ll be in tomorrow!”

(He never showed up, and we never got a corporate complaint. I’m still flabbergasted that he thought we would give him money when he not only had no food to “return,” but he couldn’t even invent what type of dog food it was!)

Trust Your Fellow Scam

| NJ, USA | Liars & Scammers, Technology

Customer: “Hey, I need to return this laptop. It’s broken.”

(He lays down a fairly new model of MacBook, still in its box, that costs in the region of around $1,300. The receipt he hands me seems to match and it’s within our 30 day return window… HOWEVER, I notice when he sets the laptop box down it makes a strange metallic rattling noise.)

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, sir. Can you give me a brief description of what’s wrong with it?”

Customer: “I just said, it’s broken.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll just need to have a look at it.”

Customer: “Huh?! No, you don’t! Just give me my refund!”

(I move to pick up the box, and while doing so I again hear that strange metallic rattling noise. Keep in mind that most MacBooks these days are made with all the guts welded to the case (hence how they’re able to make them so thin), so there’s very little in them that could rattle.)

Me: “I’m afraid, sir, it’s policy that I type up a damage report before I give you a refund. We need to send this back with some idea of what’s wrong with it so it can hopefully get repaired.”

Customer: “Can I get a manager? I’m in a hurry and just need my refund!”

Me: “I can certainly get you my manager but he’ll say the same thing. If you don’t know what’s wrong with it, I need to have an actual look at the computer before I get you your refund.”

Customer: “Gah, no wonder everyone hates shopping here! Whatever happened to trusting in your fellow man, huh?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I have to abide by our return process. Just let me take a look at the computer and I’ll get you your refund.”

Customer: “F*** you!”

(He turned and bolted out of the store entrance, right past our very confused security guard. Surprise, surprise, when I took the computer out, it was actually the casing for an old Windows laptop that was the same size as the MacBook that should’ve been in there. What’s more, it had been gutted save for a few discarded screws which explained the rattling. ‘Trust in your fellow man’ indeed.)


| MA, USA | Liars & Scammers

(I’m working the customer service desk at my store when a young, tearful boy approaches the desk with his mother.)

Boy: “Hello, I wanted to see if you could help me. I think I dropped my iPod somewhere in the store, and I can’t find it. Is it in the lost-and-found?”

(I check out our safe and find nothing. The child’s mother tells me the model of the iPod, and the color. It’s a slightly older model, by a year, that we no longer even sell.)

Mother: “It also has his name engraved on the back, so it’s hard to miss.”

Me: “Okay, I’ve made a note on that. Can I have your phone number? If it shows up, we’ll call you to come pick it up. I’m really sorry about that.”

(The mother gives me her number, the boy thanks me, and they take off. Not ten minutes later, two teenage girls approach me.)

Girl #1: “Yeah, we want to return this iPod but we don’t have a box or receipt for it.”

Girl #2: “Yeah, it was, like, a gift.”

(They slide an older, slightly battered iPod across the counter, matching the color of the one reported lost.)

Me: “How long ago did you purchase this?”

Girl #1: “We bought it here, like, a week ago. We want a refund.

(I turn it over to reveal the boy’s name engraved on the back.)

Me: “Nice try. Get out.”

Your Scam Tactics Need An Upgrade

, | Miami, FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Liars & Scammers, Tourists/Travel

(I work at the counter to check in passengers and I get stupid people all the time but this one takes the cake.)

Me: “Welcome to [Airline]. How can I help?”

Passenger: “Yes, I like to check in to [Destination] and also I’d like to do an upgrade, I have a doctor’s note that says I have to fly in first or business class.”

(I smile and laugh a little because I thought he was joking around but I see how serious he is and doesn’t find my laughing amusing.)

Passenger: “I don’t know what’s so funny; I have doctor’s note, so be more professional and do your job.”

Me: *after hearing that I put on a serious face and then reply* “Okay, sir, I have an upgrade available for $389. How would you like to purchase that?”

Passenger: “Don’t you understand that I have a doctor’s note?”

Me: *still with a serious face* “Well, sir, is your insurance going to cover this upgrade?”

Passenger: *with a confused face* “No, my, insurance doesn’t cover that.”

Me: “Well then, sir, you are going to have to do it like the rest of the country and pay out of your pocket.”

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