Category: Liars & Scammers

Ever come across a customer that has made you want to call the police? These ones pretty much ensure it. It goes way beyond the realms of shoplifting or threatening behavior. Some of these customers are too stupid even for those…

Failed The Name Game

| TAS, Australia | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers

(The coffee shop I work in has loyalty cards that we can scan, which will come up with the customer’s name on the screen. On this particular day, an elderly man in his mid-60s comes in to buy a coffee and then gives me his loyalty card to scan. After I’ve scanned it, I look at the name on the screen…)

Me: “Sir, are you sure this is your card?”

Customer: “Absolutely, why?”

Me: “Well, you just don’t look like a Penelope to me.”

No Time Lie The Present

| AK, USA | Extra Stupid, Liars & Scammers, Technology

(Our company gets hit with spam that asks people to go to an external website and enter your username & password. We block the email but the damage is done, so you pull up a log of people who went to the website and cold call all 50 of them as fast as possible. Five minutes in I get this guy:)

Me: “Hey, you apparently clicked the email and entered your—”

Him: “No, I didn’t.”

Me: “I just need you to change your password; I have a record of you going to the spammy website—”

Him: “No, I didn’t.”

Me: “I literally have a list in front of me. Not only did you put in your username and password, you did it twice when it didn’t work!”

Him: “I didn’t click that—”

Me: “I don’t have time for you to lie to me right now; I’m forcing a password reset and logging you off. Enjoy your week.”

(My boss gave me a slow clap for dealing with this man…)

Allergic To Payback

| New Orleans, LA, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

(After a customer is hospitalized due to a miscommunication about their allergies, my manager changes store policy so that we aren’t allowed to serve anyone anything if they say they are allergic to components. Since bratty customers often claim allergy, this has had many hilarious results, my favorite being a customer who usually makes us remake her order three or four times because she’s allergic to this or that.)

Customer: “I’ll have a meatball sub, no onion. I’m allergic to onion.”

Me: “The meatballs have onion in them. What else can I get you?”

Customer: “The meatballs only have a little; it’s fine.”

Me: “You have informed me you have an onion allergy. I cannot serve you any products containing onion.”

Customer: *huffs* “Fine, I’ll have the chicken sub!”

Me: “Ma’am, last week you made me remake your food because of a tomato allergy. I cannot serve you any product with tomato.”

Customer: “Yes, you can! I get them all the time.”

Me: “Store policy has changed. I cannot serve any customer any food that may have been contaminated with anything they label as an allergen.”

Customer: “Fine, I was lying. Give me my sub.”

Me: “As you have given me conflicting information I must err on the side of caution. I cannot serve you tomato, onion, wheat, gluten, dairy, eggs-”

Customer: “WHAT! I never said I was allergic to that stuff:”

Me: “Ma’am, whenever you have us remake food we must enter the reason in the register. And all your credit card purchases are saved in the system. Should we look up your purchases?”

Customer: “Get me your manager!”

(I run in back and tell him what’s going on. He gets an evil look on his face.)

Manager: “Hello, ma’am, I understand you’re confused about our new store policy?”

Customer: “Your employee here refuses to make me food even though I told her I am not allergic!”

Manager: “So you aren’t allergic to onions or tomatoes or wheat?”

Customer: “No, I am not.”

Manager: “Ma’am, you just admitted to lying about allergies. So you can either pay for every sandwich you’ve ever had us remake, or get out.”

Customer: *runs out of the store*

Got Yourself Carded

| Scotland, UK | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers

(After a long shift I decide to purchase some groceries from the supermarket where I work. The woman in front of me has her shopping rung up and presents my newly-trained coworker with a staff discount card. I don’t recognize the woman and assume her to be from another one of our stores.)

Coworker: *has attempted to swipe the discount card three times without success* “Um, just give me a second.”

Woman: “All right.”

Coworker: *she proceeds to swipe it two more times through the till* “Sorry, it doesn’t seem to be working.”

Me: “Let me have a look.” *my coworker hands over the card for my inspection and I’m dumbfounded by what I find* “Madam, this is my card.”

Woman: “No, it’s mine.”

Me: “Madam, I reported this card missing just yesterday. It has my name and employee number on the front.”

Woman: “Ah.” *she proceeds out of the store doing the fastest running walk I have ever seen*

Should Be Gifted With Foresight

| Spokane, WA, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers

(I am running cash registers, and an elderly woman comes up with a $50 gift card and items. The woman is pretty chatty.)

Woman: “And my son gifted me this for my birthday. It’s really sweet of him. I’m glad he’s turning things around; he used to get into such trouble.

(I run the gift card, see that it isn’t registering, and try a few more times. I get a manager down to see if they can help. The woman was being quite patient about it. The manager can’t get it to work.)

Manager: “Uh. Where did you get this card?”

Woman: “Oh, my son gifted it to me, why?”

Manager: *hesitates* “I hate to tell you… but the card was never activated.”

(Which can mean the cashier forgot to scan it when it was bought, or more likely, that it was taken right off the rack and out of the store.)

Woman: “Son of a b****! I can’t believe it!”

Manager: “I apologi—”

Woman: “No, I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at my son for gifting me a stolen gift card! When I get home, I will give him a piece of my mind!” *to me* “I’m sorry to ask you to cancel the orders; I don’t have the money to spare right now.”

(She left the store right after. I could only speculate how the call went down!)

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