Category: Liars & Scammers

Ever come across a customer that has made you want to call the police? These ones pretty much ensure it. It goes way beyond the realms of shoplifting or threatening behavior. Some of these customers are too stupid even for those…

No Signal Getting To This Brain

| MD, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Popular, Technology

(I manage at a small, family owned restaurant that has a dining area and a bar. During happy hour, the bar puts out a small chafing dish filled with complementary wings for our customers. During my shift, the bartender calls me over.)

Bartender: “The woman over there wants to talk to you. She’s asking if we have free wifi.”

(I glance over and notice a woman sitting in the corner of the bar sipping on ice water and eating a plate full of the free wings. I walk over to the woman.)

Me: “Hi, ma’am, [Bartender] tells me you had a question regarding whether we offer free wifi?”

Woman: “Yes, I think that you should offer free wifi for your customers.”

Me: “I apologize for the inconvenience, ma’am, but we don’t have free wifi for customers. You would have to bring that up with the owners.”

Woman: “That’s ridiculous. You need to give me the wifi password.”

Me: “Ma’am, I don’t know any wifi passwords. Like I said before, this establishment doesn’t offer free wifi. We’re just a small business.”

Woman: “Well, why should I have to use my own data for two hours?! I won’t come back here if you don’t get wifi. It’s the least you could do for PAYING customers!”

(I’m getting irritated as I’m busy and this conversation is going around in circles.)

Me: “Ma’am, no offense but you’re sipping ice water and eating all the wings, both of which are free so technically you’re not a paying customer. Nor do I see how were responsible for you having to use your data plan when you’re here. We’re not forcing you to sit here for hours and browse the Internet. If it’s really that big of a deal, there’s a McDonald’s right down the road. There’s your free wifi.” *smiles sweetly*

Woman: “UGH!” *grabs her purse and plate of wings and leaves*

Related:

No Signal Getting To His Brain

An Uneven Excuse

| NY, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

(As a full time student, I work weekends at a small bagel shop. My coworkers were telling me about an incident that transpired earlier in the week. Note that we always cut the bagels in half after making a sandwich or putting spreads on them.)

Customer: “Hi, I’d like a plain bagel with cream cheese.”

Coworker: “Sure thing.”

(He then goes off to prepare the bagel, and once finished, he gives it to the customer, who pays and leaves without a hitch. Soon afterwards, the customer comes back to the store.)

Customer: “Hey, can I get a new cream cheese bagel?”

Coworker: “Was something wrong with it?”

Customer: “Yeah, my girlfriend didn’t like it because it was unprofessionally cut.”

Coworker: *confused* “What do you mean by that? Did the sandwich fall apart? Do you have the bagel with you?”

(The customer proceeds to pull out of his bag only half of the original bagel, which was not crumbly or broken.)

Coworker: “Where’s the other half of the bagel?”

Customer: “Oh, my girlfriend ate it.”

Coworker: “She said she didn’t like the way the bagel was cut, but still ate it anyway?”

Customer: “Yeah, she said it wasn’t professionally cut. They have to be really even.”

(Eventually my coworker just gave him another bagel to prevent a scene, but apparently the fact that the bagel wasn’t “professionally cut” didn’t stop his girlfriend from finding it good to eat!)

Wants A Cut-Rate

| Nashville, TN, USA | Liars & Scammers, Pets & Animals

(I have successfully groomed a dog and the owner has picked it up. I am working on another dog when I have this phone call with the customer:)

Customer: “How much did you charge me for this groom?”

Me: *checking the paperwork* “We charged you [amount].”

Customer: “That’s not the price I was quoted! I was quoted [other amount].”

Me: “Well, I’m looking at your paperwork, and the price is circled, and your initials are next to it. Did you initial the price?”

Customer: “I don’t understand why it’s more money than I was quoted!”

Me: “I don’t know what you were quoted, but the paperwork that you signed when you came in clearly states that it’s the amount you were charged. Also, a quote is just a quote. The price could go up or down, especially since your dog is a mixed breed and we charge by AKC standards for breeds.”

Customer: “It just seems like you’re charging me a lot more money here.”

Me: “Ma’am, I have no control over pricing. The company I work for prices everything. You signed next to the price; the price was clearly marked for you.”

(At this point, the customer is clearly upset, but she can’t argue with me about this. I’m also really reluctant to apologize for her mistakes. We hang up the phone, but not amicably. My manager has been standing near me and grooming a dog during my half of the phone conversation, and we have a little talk about how important it is to have customers initial next to prices for this reason, and she tells me that I handled myself well. Later on, though, the customer calls back and gets my manager and this happens:)

Customer: “I was in there earlier with my dog, and the groomer cut him!”

Manager: “Oh, no! Well, bring him by, and we’ll have the vet look him over.”

Customer: “I don’t want to bring him to the vet!”

Manager: “Ma’am, if your dog is cut and bleeding—”

Customer: “He’s not bleeding! He’s not cut. No… he’s just… the skin is red. It’s red skin. The groomer did this!”

Manager: “It could be razor burn, but the vet would have to look it over to see what’s going on.”

Customer: “No! I’m not bringing my dog in! You will refund my money!”

Manager: “I’m not going to refund your money without seeing the dog! Also, if your dog is injured, don’t you want help for him?”

Customer: “Look, you have a satisfaction guarantee, and I am not satisfied! You will refund my money!”

Manager: *suddenly remembering this customer from earlier in the day* “You know what? I will refund your money, and if you ever come in here after that, you will only ever be booked with me from now on. You will have to work around my schedule, and if you ever try this again, you will not be welcome back.”

Customer: “Just refund my money!”

(So far, the customer hasn’t come back. I can only assume she figured out what a fool she made herself out to be, but who knows?)

Drunk On The Power Of Coupons

| USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Liars & Scammers, Popular

(Our store weekly has both sales that we mark down and promote, and sales on liquor which are exclusively marked down and handled by the state department of alcohol. Once per week, someone from the department comes in and does the signage for liquor sales. This particular week, a specific brand of coffee brandy is on sale: it was originally $9.79, but is now $6.79.)

Me: “Hello, sir!”

Customer: *grunts and unloads his basket*

Me: “Right, then…”

(I scan in his items, the last being a bottle of the brandy that’s on sale.)

Me: “All right, your total is—”

(I cut myself off as he literally throws something at me and it hits me in the cheek. I catch it and look at it.)

Customer: “Use that.”

Me: “Sorry, sir, but I can’t. You see–”

Customer: “Are you deaf? Use that coupon!”

Me: “Sir, I can’t use this. It’s not a coupon.”

Customer: “What, are you blind, too? Just scan it!”

Me: “I can’t scan it. It’s not a coupon. It’s the sales sticker for the brandy you’re buying.”

Customer: *grabs the sticker and turns it around, thrusting it in my face* “See! Right there! $3 off!”

Me: “Right, $3 off of the original price. It’s originally $10 after tax and deposit, but it rang in at $7.”

Customer: “I don’t care what it rang in as! You scan this f****** coupon in!”

Me: “I can’t scan it in. Even if I could, I’d be giving you $10 brandy for $4.”

Customer: “If it ain’t a coupon, what’s this scanner bar for?!”

Me: “For the state liquor agents to scan to update their system and ours, so we don’t have to manually enter in the sale.”

(His face turns bright red and he starts screaming.)

Customer: “What the f*** do you know, you upstart little b****?!”

Me: “I know what a coupon looks like and I know that this particular brand of brandy is disgusting and for classless losers, which is why it’s on sale.”

(He screams at me again and storms out of the store, leaving his groceries and his wallet behind. My manager comes over and I hand her his wallet, ready to be yelled at for what I said to the man.)

Me: “Am I in trouble for talking back to a customer?”

Manager: *laughs* “H***, no! That was the best thing I’ve seen all week. Go put this sign back up and then take your break; you can have an extra five minutes.”

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Don’t Question The Questions

| Norfolk, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Liars & Scammers, Popular, Rude & Risque

(We have to ensure a customer is who they say they are by asking them some security questions. Many customers get angry at this, but it’s the law. I get a call from an old man who gives me the account number.)

Me: “Okay, sir, I need you to confirm your name.”

Customer: *confirms name*

Me: “Wonderful. What is your date of birth?”

Customer: “None of your bloody business.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I have to ask you some security questions to ensure you are who you say you are.”

Customer: “Are you new? You seem really unsure of yourself and I don’t think you know what you’re doing.”

Me: “How long I have worked here is irrelevant. You must answer these security questions. It has been the law for some time now. If you do not answer these questions I cannot discuss your policy with you.”

Customer: “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard!” *hangs up*

(A few hours go by and I think nothing of it. Then my manager comes up to me looking very upset. Apparently the customer called and made a complaint and said I asked him lots of inappropriate questions including what his wife’s bra size was! I assure that I said no such thing and my manager goes off and listens to the call. I am then invited in with her into one of our training rooms when she calls the customer so I can listen in.)

Manager: “Hello, Mr. [Customer]. My name is [Manager]. I am the manager. I have looked at your complaint. I have listened to the call and I think you may have misunderstood my colleague. She did not ask for your wife’s bra size and she was following the data protection act as she has been instructed to do as is both the law and our company policy.”

Customer: “So, you’re saying that because you didn’t hear her ask those horrible, personal questions about my wife’s breasts on that recording of yours that it didn’t happen?!”

Manager: “…Yes. That’s exactly what I’m saying, sir.”

(The customer hung up.)

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