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Category: Liars & Scammers

Ever come across a customer that has made you want to call the police? These ones pretty much ensure it. It goes way beyond the realms of shoplifting or threatening behavior. Some of these customers are too stupid even for those…

Calling Out Their Stupidity

| NY, USA | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers, Popular

(I’ve been working at a gas station for about seven months, mostly on third shifts. I do, however, occasionally get scheduled for morning or afternoon shifts when someone needs me to cover.)

Me: “All right, your total comes to [total].”

Customer: “You must be new. I come here all the time and it’s always [incorrect price].”

Me: “You must be stupid, because even with the coupon that I used, it’s [actual price].”

Customer: “Don’t talk to me like that! Get me your manager!”

(If no manager is around, the person who’s worked there longest becomes acting manager.)

Me: “I am acting manager right now. And frankly, my boss would tell you the same thing because we put up with scammers like you all the time. Now, you either pay or leave.”

When Coffee Really Is An Emergency

| Gillette, NJ, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Popular

(Our café doesn’t charge on-duty police/fireman/EMS. I am a shift supervisor at the time working with two coworkers. I am currently in the back room doing restock.)

Coworker #1: “[My Name], there is this woman who is asking for a free drink because she is an EMT, but she isn’t in uniform. I told her I had to ask you for permission.”

(Coworker #2 comes into the back with dishes in hand to make it look like he need to a reason to come into the back.)

Coworker #2: “This is the second time she has come in claiming to be on the first aid squad and an EMT and since I and [Coworker #1] are refusing to give her a free drink she wants to speak to you.”

(I walk out of the backroom.)

Me: “Hi, I am the shift supervisor.”

Customer: “I am on the first aid squad and I would like to get a free [really expensive espresso bar drink].”

Me: “Sure, can I see some credentials or proof you are on the first aid squad?”

Customer: “I just told you I am on it.”

Me: “Yes, I heard.”

Customer: “So, can I get my free drink?”

Me: “As soon as I can see some proof that you are on the first aid squad.”

Customer: “I just told you.”

(This repeats for about five minutes and I don’t want to deal with it anymore.)

Me: “Okay, I’ll make you a deal. I’ll make you this drink once on me but next time you come in, just show some proof you are on the first aid squad if you want a free coffee.”

(She leaves. Three days later, I am working with my manager and another coworker, Coworker #3. I have already informed my manager about said incident. In walks the same customer.)

Customer: “I am on the first aid squad and I would like a free drink.”

Coworker #3: “Let me get permission.”

(Coworker #3 turns to me. The customer does not seem to be happy that I am there.)

Me: “Hello again. Do you have proof this time?”

Customer: “I just told you that i am on first aid squad.”

Me: “Hold on one second.”

(I get my manager to come to the front.)

Manager: “Hi. I am [Manager] and I am the manager here. [My Name] has informed me of what he has asked of you to bring proof that you say you are on the squad. We will ask you your name and ask [Coworker #4] if she recognizes your name, as she is also on the first aid squad, but today we will not be able to give you a free drink for we only give those to cops, firemen, and EMS.”

Me: “And only when they are on duty.”

(The customer leaves in a huff.)

Manager: *turns with a straight face* “You said doodie!”

DNA Or Pay

| Windsor, ON, Canada | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Popular

(Years ago I was a manager at a mom-and-pop Chinese restaurant. A group of three ladies come in, sit down, and place their orders. Fast forward to when they’ve finished their meals and want their bill:)

Customer: “I want to talk to a manager. There’s a hair in my food!”

Me: *I go to check and see that all three of them have finished their meals* “I’m sorry ma’am, what was wrong with your meal?”

Customer: *shows me a blonde hair* “I found this in my rice! What are you going to do about it?”

(Considering NO ONE on staff has blonde hair and they actually ate everything, I apologize and offer her 50% off her meal, even though I’ve been doing this long enough to see through this scam.)

Customer: “WHAT?! THAT’S IT! We usually get ALL our meals for free!”

Me: “I see you’ve done this before. I’ll tell you what, ma’am. My daughter works as a forensic scientist for the police department. Let me call her to come get this hair and run a DNA test on it. We will compare it to the DNA you’ve left on your coffee cup. If it’s not a match I will give you free lunch every day for life. If it’s a match, we will waste our judicial systems time and we will have you charged with fraud. What will it be, ma’am?”

(They paid in full. And my daughter is not a forensic scientist; she’s a veterinarian technician. I don’t particularly like scammers.)

Trying To Milk Some Tomorrow Out Of Today

| USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Liars & Scammers, Popular

(The lady in line in front of me is making a complaint to a confused cashier. The lady is complaining about the milk her grandson got with his breakfast meal. Her husband is sitting at a table nearby with her grandson lying on top of the table holding his stomach and moaning.)

Lady: *slams the EMPTY milk bottle on the counter* “Do you people know how to read dates? This milk is expired and now my grandson is sick! This is your fault. If I have to take him to the ER, I’m sending the bill to you!”

Cashier: “I’m sorry, ma’am. You said the milk was expired? I checked it myself.”

Lady: “Well, you obviously don’t know what today’s date is then, idiot. Manager, now!”

Cashier: *literally running from the register* “Yes, ma’am!”

Lady: *turns to me* “These morons can’t get anything right. And they want $15 an hour!”

Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

Lady: “That idiot gave my grandson expired milk. I demand all of my money back and I’m sending the ER bill here. It is obvious my grandson has food poisoning!”

Manager: *in a patient and calm tone* “Ma’am, what is today’s date?”

Lady: “You don’t know the date either? Morons leading morons! It is [today’s date].”

Manager: “And what’s the date on that milk?”

Lady: “It says [tomorrow’s date]. See, it is expired! It smelled bad and had chunks in it. My grandson is so sick. I demand my money back now. Hurry up so I can take him to the hospital.”

Manager: “Yeah, not going to happen. You don’t get to insult my cashier or me when you are the one that can’t figure out that tomorrow comes AFTER today. The milk doesn’t expire until tomorrow, meaning it is still good today. Your grandson drank all of it so it couldn’t have had a strange smell or texture. And your grandson is likely sick from the three doughnuts you let him eat in addition to the croissant and hash browns. Get out.”

(The lady is literally dragged out of the store by her husband who is also dragging their grandson by his coat.)

Me: “Wow. Some people just suck. Don’t worry, not everyone is an a**hole.”

(I dropped $1 in the tip jar immediately and was as kind as possible to the terrified cashier. When the manager handed me my meal, I found a note saying “Thanks for not being an a**-hole!” with an extra doughnut in the bag.)

She’s Lying/Not Lying

| Calgary, AB, Canada | At The Checkout, Criminal & Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Underaged

(Our store works with another company that offers a card to students that gets them discounts at many places. It is the card company’s policy that if a person looks like they could be 16 or older, they MUST produce student ID. If they don’t, under no circumstance are we allowed to give them the discount. A customer comes up who looks like she’s 16-18 years old.)

Me: “Your total is $15.75.”

Girl: “Oh, I have the [Student Card].”

Me: “Of course. If you could just quickly show me your student ID?”

Girl: “I don’t have it with me.”

Me: “Then unfortunately, I can’t give you the discount.”

Girl: “You’re joking! I’m from another province! I didn’t bring my student ID with me.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I cannot give you the discount. It’s [Card Company]’s policy that anyone who looks like they could be 16 or older must produce student ID.”

Girl: “That’s ridiculous! I’m, like, 12/13.”

(I look over the girl, and she looks way too old to be 13. I’m about to say something when her words suddenly hit me.)

Me: “Wait, you said you’re 12/13?”

Girl: “Yes! I’m 12/13!”

Me: “…So, you don’t know how old you are?”

Girl: “…What was the total again?”

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