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Category: Liars & Scammers

Ever come across a customer that has made you want to call the police? These ones pretty much ensure it. It goes way beyond the realms of shoplifting or threatening behavior. Some of these customers are too stupid even for those…

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The Mother Of All Thieves

| TX, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers, Popular

(I work part-time at a dance studio and notice that I can’t find my iPad. After some detective work with security footage, I see a woman, Customer, clearly swipe it off the bench in a practice room and walk out with her daughter, who was taking lessons. My boss looks the woman up in the system and calls the number on file.)

Boss: “Hi, Mrs. [Customer], this is [Boss] from [Studio]. I’m calling about a misunderstanding that occurred during your daughter’s lesson on [date]. After reviewing security footage, we’ve determined that you may have accidentally ended up with my employee’s personal property. Give me call back and we can clear this right up!”

(Several days go by. They hear nothing. He calls again, stressing that he’s SURE it was an accident and all he wants is for me to get my property back. Still nothing. Then he tries a different tactic: the woman’s father, who lives in the same town, is the emergency contact. He calls the father and again explains the situation.)

Father: “Oh, did she? I’ll ask her about that. She’ll call you tomorrow.”

(The next day, this is the first thing out of her mouth:)

Customer: “I have to say, I am really disappointed in the way that you’re handling this. I can’t bring it in this week so you’ll have to wait until my daughter’s next lesson.”

Boss: “That’s fine, ma’am. As long as everyone ends up with everything that belongs to them at the end of the day.”

(The next lesson, the woman doesn’t even go into the building. She sends her six-year-old daughter to the front desk with the iPad.)

Daughter: “My mom asked me to give you this. She said she thought it was a book.”

(That lady better hope I never run into her. Way to involve your child in THEFT.)

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They’re Not Pay Pals

| Seattle, WA, USA | Liars & Scammers, Money, Popular

(I’m a freelance web designer currently negotiating a job with someone who wants to give their website a complete overhaul.)

Site Owner: “So, I’m a big fan of [Popular Movie Franchise] and was wondering if you could do a template based on that.”

Me: “Sure thing! I love [Popular Movie Franchise], too! I could show you a few designs I whipped up previously.”

(Things proceed as normal, with me growing increasingly excited at finding a fellow fan who wants me to indulge one of my own geeky passions.)

Me: “Okay, and I just need your PayPal address to send the invoice.”

Site Owner: “Sure thing. I’ll send it right now.”

(He emails me his address, which I recognize as one that belongs to someone I dealt with a year ago. Specifically, this someone asked for a site design that he then never paid me for, and proceeded to vanish without a trace when I tried to follow up on his non-payment.)

Me: “Wait… is this [Name]?”

Site Owner: “Yes, is there a problem?”

Me: “You’re the guy who asked me to design a site for [Web Address] in June of last year?”

Site Owner: “Oh… wow, you remember that, huh? Yeah I had to put an end to that plan due to budget problems.”

Me: “Yes, I know. I’ve been trying to get you to pay your bill on that ever since! Did you not get any of my reminders that you had an outstanding invoice?”

Site Owner: “Uh… maybe? Is this going to be a problem?”

Me: “Heck, yes, it’s going to be a problem! You still owe me $400 for that last job and now you expect me to do more work for you?”

Site Owner: “Well… I mean it was such a long time ago. I thought if you remembered it’d be like ‘Oh, it’s you!’ And then we’d have a laugh about the craziness that went on.”

Me: “That ‘craziness’ is why I was late on several bills due to not having your payment to cover things! This isn’t a sitcom! People don’t just laugh it off when you refuse to uphold your end of a business agreement.”

Site Owner: “Seriously?”

Me: “Much as I really wanted to do this job, I’m going to have to decline now, given you’re too great of a risk.”

Site Owner: “What?! Well, what if I agree to pay up front for the new job?”

Me: “You’d still owe me the $400 for the last job.”

Site Owner: “Well, I don’t have that kind of money right now! I’m trying to run a business here! Can’t you cut a break for a fellow [Popular Movie Franchise] fan?”

Me: “Sorry, I’m trying to run a business here too. You’ll have to find someone else.”

(I blocked the guy on IM and posted warnings to every forum I know telling them not to do business with him if contacted. Blows my mind anyone could be so brazen or stupid as to change their name and contact details but still use the same PayPal address for someone they previously stiffed on a payment!)

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No Signal Getting To This Brain

| MD, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Popular, Technology

(I manage at a small, family owned restaurant that has a dining area and a bar. During happy hour, the bar puts out a small chafing dish filled with complementary wings for our customers. During my shift, the bartender calls me over.)

Bartender: “The woman over there wants to talk to you. She’s asking if we have free wifi.”

(I glance over and notice a woman sitting in the corner of the bar sipping on ice water and eating a plate full of the free wings. I walk over to the woman.)

Me: “Hi, ma’am, [Bartender] tells me you had a question regarding whether we offer free wifi?”

Woman: “Yes, I think that you should offer free wifi for your customers.”

Me: “I apologize for the inconvenience, ma’am, but we don’t have free wifi for customers. You would have to bring that up with the owners.”

Woman: “That’s ridiculous. You need to give me the wifi password.”

Me: “Ma’am, I don’t know any wifi passwords. Like I said before, this establishment doesn’t offer free wifi. We’re just a small business.”

Woman: “Well, why should I have to use my own data for two hours?! I won’t come back here if you don’t get wifi. It’s the least you could do for PAYING customers!”

(I’m getting irritated as I’m busy and this conversation is going around in circles.)

Me: “Ma’am, no offense but you’re sipping ice water and eating all the wings, both of which are free so technically you’re not a paying customer. Nor do I see how were responsible for you having to use your data plan when you’re here. We’re not forcing you to sit here for hours and browse the Internet. If it’s really that big of a deal, there’s a McDonald’s right down the road. There’s your free wifi.” *smiles sweetly*

Woman: “UGH!” *grabs her purse and plate of wings and leaves*

Related:

No Signal Getting To His Brain

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An Uneven Excuse

| NY, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

(As a full time student, I work weekends at a small bagel shop. My coworkers were telling me about an incident that transpired earlier in the week. Note that we always cut the bagels in half after making a sandwich or putting spreads on them.)

Customer: “Hi, I’d like a plain bagel with cream cheese.”

Coworker: “Sure thing.”

(He then goes off to prepare the bagel, and once finished, he gives it to the customer, who pays and leaves without a hitch. Soon afterwards, the customer comes back to the store.)

Customer: “Hey, can I get a new cream cheese bagel?”

Coworker: “Was something wrong with it?”

Customer: “Yeah, my girlfriend didn’t like it because it was unprofessionally cut.”

Coworker: *confused* “What do you mean by that? Did the sandwich fall apart? Do you have the bagel with you?”

(The customer proceeds to pull out of his bag only half of the original bagel, which was not crumbly or broken.)

Coworker: “Where’s the other half of the bagel?”

Customer: “Oh, my girlfriend ate it.”

Coworker: “She said she didn’t like the way the bagel was cut, but still ate it anyway?”

Customer: “Yeah, she said it wasn’t professionally cut. They have to be really even.”

(Eventually my coworker just gave him another bagel to prevent a scene, but apparently the fact that the bagel wasn’t “professionally cut” didn’t stop his girlfriend from finding it good to eat!)

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Wants A Cut-Rate

| Nashville, TN, USA | Liars & Scammers, Pets & Animals

(I have successfully groomed a dog and the owner has picked it up. I am working on another dog when I have this phone call with the customer:)

Customer: “How much did you charge me for this groom?”

Me: *checking the paperwork* “We charged you [amount].”

Customer: “That’s not the price I was quoted! I was quoted [other amount].”

Me: “Well, I’m looking at your paperwork, and the price is circled, and your initials are next to it. Did you initial the price?”

Customer: “I don’t understand why it’s more money than I was quoted!”

Me: “I don’t know what you were quoted, but the paperwork that you signed when you came in clearly states that it’s the amount you were charged. Also, a quote is just a quote. The price could go up or down, especially since your dog is a mixed breed and we charge by AKC standards for breeds.”

Customer: “It just seems like you’re charging me a lot more money here.”

Me: “Ma’am, I have no control over pricing. The company I work for prices everything. You signed next to the price; the price was clearly marked for you.”

(At this point, the customer is clearly upset, but she can’t argue with me about this. I’m also really reluctant to apologize for her mistakes. We hang up the phone, but not amicably. My manager has been standing near me and grooming a dog during my half of the phone conversation, and we have a little talk about how important it is to have customers initial next to prices for this reason, and she tells me that I handled myself well. Later on, though, the customer calls back and gets my manager and this happens:)

Customer: “I was in there earlier with my dog, and the groomer cut him!”

Manager: “Oh, no! Well, bring him by, and we’ll have the vet look him over.”

Customer: “I don’t want to bring him to the vet!”

Manager: “Ma’am, if your dog is cut and bleeding—”

Customer: “He’s not bleeding! He’s not cut. No… he’s just… the skin is red. It’s red skin. The groomer did this!”

Manager: “It could be razor burn, but the vet would have to look it over to see what’s going on.”

Customer: “No! I’m not bringing my dog in! You will refund my money!”

Manager: “I’m not going to refund your money without seeing the dog! Also, if your dog is injured, don’t you want help for him?”

Customer: “Look, you have a satisfaction guarantee, and I am not satisfied! You will refund my money!”

Manager: *suddenly remembering this customer from earlier in the day* “You know what? I will refund your money, and if you ever come in here after that, you will only ever be booked with me from now on. You will have to work around my schedule, and if you ever try this again, you will not be welcome back.”

Customer: “Just refund my money!”

(So far, the customer hasn’t come back. I can only assume she figured out what a fool she made herself out to be, but who knows?)

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