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Category: Language & Words

This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

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I Would Like To Disorder

| Baton Rouge, LA, USA | At The Checkout, Language & Words

(I work at a very fast-paced chicken finger restaurant on the edge of my college campus. This conversation happens every shift I work in the drive through.)

Me: “Okay, so you’ll have [Order]. Would you like anything else to complete your order?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “…”

Me: “Ok, what else may I get for you?”

Customer: “THAT’S ALL!”

Me: “Thank you please pull up.” *to coworker* “I think they meant to say ‘no.'”

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Measuring The Wrongest Distance

| Australia | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

Customer: “I’m looking for a pedo meter.”

Me: “A what?”

Customer: “A pedo meter. You know, one of those things that measure how many steps you do.”

Me: “Oh, a pedometer.”

Customer: “Yeah, a pedo meter…”

Me: “Right, they’re over here.”

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Save The Bad Vibes For The Bad Customers

| Canada | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Language & Words, Popular

(I work in a toy store at customer service. A new flyer comes out every Friday, which is the day that this call takes place.)

Me: “Good morning. [Company and Location]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I’m looking for [particular toy] in your flyer. Can you please put one on hold for me?”

Me: “If you would give me a few minutes I can confirm for you that we do have them in stock, and I will place a hold for you.”

(Puts customer on hold.)

Coworker: *to me* “We don’t have any of those; we sold out of them before the sale even started.”

Me: *picks up phone* “Hello. So, unfortunately it looks like we don’t have any of that toy in stock. Would you like me to issue you a rain check or check another store in the area to see if they have it?”

Customer: *yelling* “What the h*** is your problem? Every time I call you never have what I’m looking for!”

Me: “I’m sorry; I understand how that might be frustrating. Unfortunately, the flyers are run country-wide, so sometimes the stock in a few stores can be quite low at the time of a sale.”

Customer: “What kind of half-a**ed excuse is that? I’m not digging your vibe; give me a manager.”

Me: *holds the phone out to a manager without putting customer on hold* “Someone isn’t digging my vibe on line one. Can you please speak to her?”

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Doesn’t Ad-here To The Ad

| Orlando, FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words

(I work in a large retail store selling fitness equipment and tools. It is a slow midweek shift when an older gentleman walks in.)

Me: “Hello, sir, welcome to [Store]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: *has a newspaper ad in hand* “I will take one of these today!” *pointing at a treadmill*

Me: “Okay, sir, that is no problem. Let’s go over to the register and we can finish up.”

(The customer follows me over and I ring the order.)

Me: “Your total today comes to $645.32.”

Customer: “WHAT! The ad clearly lists that as $49.99!”

(The customer shoves the ad in my face.)

Me: “Sir, that price is for the rubber mat that goes beneath the machine.”

Customer: “This is absurd! You punks are scamming me and others! I will never shop here again!”

Me: “Sorry, sir. Learn how to read an ad, and have a great day!”

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Sick Of This Request

| Greensboro, NC, USA | Language & Words

(I work at a mom-and-pop hardware store where we sell a little bit of everything.)

Me: “Here you go, ma’am. We have all different kinds of rat killer.”

(I show her a few different brands and styles.)

Customer: “Can you show me where y’all’s pneumonia is?”

(I give her a strange look.)

Customer: “Did I not pronounce that correct?”

Me: “Well, ma’am, you did and I can show you pneumonia, but that’s an illness so I don’t think you want that.”

Customer: “Oh, oh! I meant ammonia.”

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