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Category: Language & Words

This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

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A Faire Amount Of Context Missing

| Allentown, PA, USA | Bizarre, Language & Words, Pets & Animals

(I’m back at work after a day off to attend the regional Renaissance faire, of which I’m a passionate devotee. I’m showing the pictures on my phone to a coworker, and offering as little context as possible for what I’m saying just to be funny.)

Me: “…and here’s Snorkel the dancing stunt pig, with his human daddy.”

Customer: *passing by and doubling back* “Wow, that is the greatest sentence I’ve ever accidentally overheard in my entire life.”

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I Pronounce Thee Idiot

, | NY, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Popular

Customer: *over dressed for our grocery store location, and speaking with the sort of tone you normally reserve for children* “Give me three la-Zaa-nya squares, an eggplant salad, and one bru-Skeee-ta.

(The customer throws on a really thick, and sudden accent when pronouncing the food. He smiles at me in a way that makes me think I’m supposed to be impressed by this.)

Me: *punching in the order, and repeating it back using the accepted American pronunciation of the words ‘lasagna ‘ and ‘bruschetta* “Three lasagna squares, one large eggplant salad, one bruschetta.”

Customer: “Bru-Skeeeeh-ta” *he drags out the pronunciation even more*

Me: “One bruschetta.” *I agree, again, as per our store policy*

Customer: *looking self important* “It’s actually an Italian word? See if it were German, you would say it the way you’re saying it, but it’s not. Bru-SKEH-ta. See?”

Me: “If you say so, sir.” *getting his order ready, at this point, I’m too tired to deal with him*

Customer: “It’s just like ‘SPUH-geeh-tee’.” He grins at me.

Me: “Of course, sir.”

Customer: “You look like a nice Italian girl. Don’t you want to learn the language?”

Me: *handing him his food* “I’m a boy, sir.”

(His face dropped, and turned an interesting shade of red. He snatched his food away and spit something in what I could only presume is very overly-pronounced Italian at me, before hurrying away.)

Unable To Please You

| Lancashire, England, UK | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Language & Words

(I am a cashier. Two customers approach the counter; one of them has an item of fruit.)

Customer #1: “Is this [price #1]?”

Me: “No, sir, it’s [price #2].”

Customer #2: *in a stern tone* “Please.”

Me: “…sorry?”

Customer #1: “So you should be. You say please when you tell me the price.”

Me: “It’s [price #2]… please?”

Customer #2: “That’s better.” *to Customer #1* “Don’t they teach people manners these days?”

(They put down the fruit and walk off.)

Me: “But… I… I was answering a question.”