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Category: Language & Words

This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

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Holy Moly Ravioli!

| USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

(I am a waiter at an Italian restaurant. I am serving two men and this happens…)

Man #1: “Your mushroom ravioli… Let me guess, the mushrooms are chopped up real fine…”

Man #2: “Tucked into a perfect pasta pocket…”

Man #1: “Dropped into lightly salted boiling water…”

Man #2: “Then finally encapsulated in a blanket of olive oil and herbs…”

Man #1: “Ready to feel the piercings of the fork…”

Man #2: “The mushrooms, the pasta, the herbs, that grated Parmesan, and freshly cracked black pepper. Oh, the explosion of flavor!”

Me: “So… two mushroom raviolis?”

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Has The Balls To Admit It

| Pleasant Hill, CA, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(It’s a nice day and the patio of a local restaurant is full. I am at a table right next to a woman who is having a not-very-private conversation; the more she talked, the louder she got. Finally, at full volume…)

Woman: “But I can’t testify! I don’t have testiculars!”

(I have to say, if you get enough people snorting their drinks, the distance is impressive. The poor waiter just approached all the tables with a huge stack of napkins while shaking his head.)

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That’s A Wrap!

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Funny Names, Language & Words

(I work part-time at a popular national chain with quite a few franchises scattered about. We have a variety of meals which you can have made in either a wrap or a roll, for which we specifically ask the customer for when they order. From this particular customer’s actions, I would guess English is not their first language.)

Customer: *holding what appears to be a chicken schnitzel roll* Excuse me! I ordered a roll and you have given me a burger!

(I get my manager over because customer complaints have to be directed to them.)

Manager: “What you have there is a roll; we only serve wraps and rolls; that is the latter.”

Customer: “But this is not a roll! This is a burger! See, it’s made in a bun, not rolled up!” *shows us what it looks like in detail in case we didn’t understand*

Manager: “That isn’t a burger. It is a roll. It is similar but if you asked for a roll and not a wrap then that is what they will make for you.”

Customer: “Don’t pretend like I don’t know how rolls work. See up there?” *points to a wrap on menu* “THAT is what I want, d*** it. I want it ROLLED UP like that!”

Manager: “So, what you want is a wrap…?”

Customer: “NO, I want a ROLL for th—” *the penny drops* “Oh… s***.”