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Category: Language & Words

This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

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Will Not Be Held Accountable For Their Account

| New Windsor, NY, USA | Language & Words

(I call up next member in line.)

Me: “How can I help you today sir?”

(The member does not look up or reply, just throws ID and a check onto counter.)

Me: “What are we looking to do with the check today, sir?”

Member: “Balances after.”

Me: “I’d be happy to provide balance information… but what are we doing with the check today?”

Member: “Deposit and cash.”

Me: “Okay, how much would we like to deposit today?”

Member: “Cash deposit.”

Me: “Sir, I’m not sure what you’re asking to do. Would you like to cash the check or deposit today?”

Member: “Deposit cash check.”

Me: “I can either give you cash for the check, or I can put the check into your account. I just need to know what you would like to do today?”

Member: “Oh, put it in my account.”

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“O” Boy

| Seattle, WA, USA | Language & Words

(Our attraction includes both a restaurant and an observation area. The tickets going to the observation area are marked with an “O,” and it is up to the ushers to ensure guests are going to the right area. Usually an announcement to the guests in line about what the “O” on their ticket means is enough for most guests, but sometimes people aren’t paying attention or don’t speak English, so I always ask to see their tickets before they proceed to the restaurant.)

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, but your ticket has an “O” on it, so I’m going to need you to join this line.”

Guest: “What “O”? I don’t see an “O” anywhere!”

Me: *indicating the bright pink highlighter “O” written on her ticket* “That “O” there, ma’am.”

Guest: *condescending look* “That’s not an “O”; that’s a circle.”

(Best of luck to the two children she had with her.)

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Dose You Has Patience?

| OH, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

(I work delivering pizzas and tonight we get slammed. One driver has called off so we currently only have two drivers and there are only two insiders to make all the food. Apparently one customer has been standing up front waiting for a little while, with a clear view of all the orders to be picked up/delivered. I guess they got tired of waiting and left a note:)

Note: *quoted exactly* “If anyone had bothered to came up you would have had our order, but now Dominos dose.”

(Yes, bad grammar and spelling included, and I don’t think anyone cared that we lost one sale considering the wait time for deliveries was currently running about an hour-and-a-half, and even pickups had to wait at least half-an-hour.)

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How To Lose A Sale

| IA, USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words

(I am managing the jewelry counter at a major retailer and showing a woman a very nice pair of cubic zirconia earrings.)

Me: “I have found that the best thing about CZ is that if you lose them, they’re inexpensive to replace.”

Customer: “What do you mean ‘lose them’?”

Me: “I just meant—”

Customer: “I’m not buying them if I’m going to lose them.”

(I couldn’t help but to stare at the woman as she walked away.)

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Comes With Extra Salty Fries

| UT, USA | At The Checkout, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(So, it’s the beginning of the lunch rush. After serving one customer I get on to the next, a stoic man in plaid.)

Me: “Welcome to [Restaurant]. What can I get for you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’d like a number one condom, medium, please.”

(I don’t know if he noticed, but I had to try very hard not to say something. Or repeat his mistake.)

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