Category: Language & Words

This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!


An Attitude Trans-formation

| Bradenton, FL, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Popular

(The maintenance man is cleaning the restrooms. He places his cleaning cart in front of the women’s restroom with a sign attached, which reads: “Restroom closed for cleaning. Please use unisex restroom.” I am working at self-checkout, which is next to the restrooms.)

Customer: *to me* “So, I can’t use the bathroom?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. The unisex restroom is open.”

Customer: “What?! I’m not a unisex!”

Me: “Ma’am… the unisex restroom is just a one-person restroom that can be used by anyone.”

Customer: *yelling* “I am not a unisex! Why would you tell me to use a restroom for a unisex?! I will NOT use their restroom!” *stomps out of the store*


Maybe You Didn’t Say What You Thought You Said

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Bizarre, Language & Words

(We have a lot of multicultural customers come into our store and as I love languages I like to ask about their accents and learn a phrase or two if I can. A young woman and her elderly mother have been talking in another language before coming to my register.)

Me: “Hi there, did you find everything okay? And do you mind me asking what language that was?”

Daughter: “It’s a dialect of Italian.”

Me: “How would I say ‘have a nice day’?”

Mother: “Fi una bella giornata.”

(As I hand them their purchases.)

Me: “Well, then, fi una bella giornata!”

Daughter: “Very good!”

(The mother then says something in Italian before slapping me in the rear.)

Mother: “Maybe I find you boyfriend!”


Thou Shalt Have Cable

, | Germany | Language & Words, Movies & TV, Technology

(The German word for “commandment” is also used as an auction term.)

Coworker: “Hello, this is the IT service of [ISP]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Hello? Please, help me. You have to help me.”

Coworker: “Certainly, ma’am, what seems to be the problem?”

Caller: “I can’t see my commandments! I can’t watch them!”

Coworker: “Commandments? Like… your auctions on eBay?”

Caller: “eBay? What is this? What are you talking about? Please help me.”

Coworker: “Uh, why don’t you explain to me which commandments you mean?”

Caller: “Commandments! The Ten Commandments. It goes on Kabel-1 at two pm!”

Coworker: “Oh, the movie! Let me see what we can do. Please tell me your customer number first…”

(It was a long call. It turned out the elderly lady was disabled and really wanted to watch her movie that day, as it was Good Friday. My coworker was able to find out the problem wasn’t in her devices so he transferred her over to the TV services support. She blessed him. Sometimes religious customers aren’t that bad.)


The Sauce Of Your Confusion

| USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Popular

(Unfortunately, I am the stupid customer in this story while dining with my family.)

Waitress: “May I take your order?”

Me: “Yes! May I please have the grouper fish sandwich? But instead of tartar sauce, may I have broccoli?”

Waitress: *pauses* “I’m sorry, what was that last part?”

Me: “Can I substitute the tartar sauce for broccoli with my sandwich?”

Waitress: “You… uh… did you want the broccoli, like, on the sandwich?”

Me: “What? No. I just want broccoli instead of the tartar sauce.”

Waitress: *clearly confused* “Um… well…”

Sister: *laughing* “[My Name], are you confusing tartar sauce with coleslaw?”

Me: *turning a deep shade of red* “Oh, my God… What did I say?”

Waitress: “I thought I was the one going crazy!”


The Concert Was For ‘Lady Georgia-Georgia’

, | Language & Words

(A customer has reached our call center to ask for more information about his tickets. Often, seating designations may be abbreviated on the tickets we mail out, and, in this case, the abbreviation is similar to another state’s two-letter postal abbreviation.)

Customer: “I have a question on my tickets. I can’t find the Georgia Standing area on the map.

Me: “I’m sorry; I’m not familiar with the Georgia Standing area. Is that how it’s written on your tickets?”

Customer: “Yeah, it says ‘GA STANDING.’”

(Now whenever our concerts have a General Admission Standing area, we all call it Georgia Standing!)

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