Category: Language & Words

This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

Using Rude Language

| Bethesda, Wales, UK | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Language & Words

(A good 90% of our customers speak Welsh, so I end up speaking Welsh 90% of the time.)

Me: *in Welsh* “Good evening, sir. Would you like a carrier bag for your shopping?”

Customer: *unintelligible grunt*

Me: *still in Welsh* “Was that ‘yes’ to a bag, sir?”

Customer: *in English* “What?”

Me: *in English* “Sorry, sir! Would you like a bag for your purchases?”

Customer: “Do I look Welsh to you?”

Me: “I couldn’t say, sir. I noticed a daffodil and a dragon pin in your jacket and took you to be local. I am sorry if I caused offence.”

Customer: “You shouldn’t speak Welsh.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “You shouldn’t speak Welsh. It’s rude.”

(I pondered arguing back about his own rudeness for telling me I should not speak my language in my country, but settled for just saying “sorry” again and completing his transaction in silence.)

Echo Tango Phonetic Home

| UK | Funny Names, Language & Words

(I work for an online jewellery company. We offer a customer design service. A customer calls up asking to speak to one of our custom design specialists.)

Me: “Hi, I’m [My Name] from [Jewellery Company]; how can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, I am interested in your custom design service. Is there anyone I can speak to?”

Me: “Sure, I can give the name and number of one our specialists so they can discuss some ideas with you.”

Customer: “Okay, what’s their name?”

Me: “Pritesh, as in P for Papa, R for Romeo, I for Indigo, T for Tango, E for Echo, S for Sierra and H for Hotel.”

Customer: “Wow that’s a long name!”

(I’m slightly confused by this as Pritesh doesn’t seem that long.)

Me: “What do you mean, sir?”

Customer: “Well, that’s a lot of middle names to have: Pritesh Papa, Romeo, Indigo—”

Me: “No, sir! I was using phonetic to help spell his name. It’s P-R-I-T-E-S-H.”

Customer: “Well, why didn’t you say that!?” *hangs up*

Ehrrenge Is The New Orange

, | FL, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

(I am taking orders over the drive-thru speaker.)

Me: “What would you like to drink with that?”

Customer: “Ehrrenge soda.”

Me: *figuring he meant orange soda* “Sir, we don’t have orange soda.”

Customer: “Ehrrenge soda!” *really emphasizing the ‘errrrr’ sounds and making it sound like only one syllable*

Me: “We don’t have orange; can I get you something else?”

Customer: *loudly* “I want errrnge soda!”

Me: *in the same loud volume* “Sir, we ain’t got no errrnge soda!”

Customer: *in completely normal voice* “Oh, okay. I’ll have Coke.”

(He pulls around and my coworkers are laughing hysterically. I guess I just had to say it in a way he would understand. To this day we call orange “errnnnge”.)

Getting It All In Español, Part 3

| San Marcos, TX, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Language & Words

(I work for a popular clothing retailer, and we have an ongoing issue of persons reselling our merchandise after purchasing.)

Customer: “I would like to return these items. Here is my receipt.”

(After examining the receipt and items, I notice that there are different prices written on the back of the tags.)

Me: “I can’t return these items. They have been resold.”

Customer: “That’s impossible. I bought them for my family, and I demand a refund.”

Me: “I can’t return any of them; they have alternate prices on the back.”

(Her husband walks in and they begin to converse in Spanish. I am fluent.)

Customer: *in Spanish* “This a**-hole won’t do the return. I guess we will take them back to the shop.”

Me: *in Spanish* “So sorry I can’t do the return. Anything else I can do for you?”

(They left in a hurry, but I got a call from another store in another town asking about the same couple. Needless to say, they didn’t get what they wanted there either.)

Related:
Getting It All In Español, Part 2
Getting It All In Español

He Bought It In Springfield

| Great Falls, MT, USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words, Movies & TV, Technology

(I work at a call center, registering service plans for customers.)

Customer: “Can you help me set my TV up?”

Me: “I’m not tech support but I can give you the manufacturer’s number so they can help you. What is the brand of your TV?”

Customer: “Simpsons.”

Me: “Simpsons?”

Customer: “Simpsons. Like the TV show. S-A-M-S-U-N-G.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “Simpsons.”

Me: “Samsung.”

Customer: “No! Simpsons! Can you not hear me correctly?”

Me: “Yeah, I did hear you. Let’s get you Simpsons’ number.”

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