Category: Language & Words

This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

Call From Steten

| ME, USA | Funny Names, Language & Words

Me: “May I have your first name?”

Member: “Steven.”

Me: “Is that Steven with a ‘PH’ or ‘V’?”

Member: “…excuse me?”

Me: “Is that Steven with a ‘PH’ or ‘V’?”

Member: “It’s Steven with a ‘T!’ s-T-e-v-e-n!”

Not The Sharpest Pair Of Scissors

| OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words

Customer: “Where’s your skidders at?

Me: “I’m sorry, the what?”

Customer: “Skidders. Skid. Ers. Where they at? I can’t find ’em anywhere.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can tell you where just about anything in this store is, but I’m not sure I’m familiar with skidders. What are they used for? What do they look like?”

Customer: “Ugh. SKIDDERS! God, you’re dumb.”

Me: “No, I’m not. We just don’t carry skidders here. Sorry.”

Customer: *making a scissoring motion with his fingers* “Skidders! Where. Are. Your. Skidders. You cut paper with ’em. Jesus!”

Me: “Oh, you mean SCISSORS? They’re actually right here. Right in front of you. This whole eight-foot section is nothing but scissors.”

Customer: “Well, I call ’em skidders. God, you’re dumb.”

(How am I supposed to know what you want when you make up your own words for things and can’t see what’s right in front of you?)

Fading Hope For Humanity

| Canada | Food & Drink, Language & Words

(The store I work at has greenhouse, giftware, and women’s clothing departments. I started working in the clothing department a month ago and while I can answer most questions customers have about our department, I’m sometimes uncertain about the answers for other departments.)

Customer: “I’m looking for the fresh farm garden produce.”

Me: “Oh, we actually only have the farm produce on Saturdays.”

Customer: “No, the sign outside says every day.”

Me: *knowing full well that’s not what the sign says* “I’m pretty sure the sign beside the front door says we only have produce on Saturdays. If that’s changed, I wasn’t aware.”

Customer: “No! The sign says every day! Where’s the produce?”

Me: “I’m sorry; I’m quite sure we don’t have any. When we do have it, it’s out on the front lawn.”

Customer: “The sign says every day! Where’s the produce?”

Me: “You know, maybe it changed and I just wasn’t aware. That actually isn’t my department. Let me run and find one of my coworkers to help you.”

Customer: “Oh, just forget it. I’ll find it myself!”

(Later, I went up to the registers to place something on hold for another customer, and that same customer was standing in line to pay.)

Customer: *seeing me* “Oh, you know what? You were right. The ‘Satur’ part of Saturday was just faded.”

(Nice as it was that she acknowledged being wrong, my coworker later told me that she actually had to walk outside to look at the sign with the customer to convince her we only had produce on Saturdays. Also, the letters on the sign are all vibrantly black – no fading.)

Small Talk Baulk

| England, UK | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Language & Words

Me: “Good morning. How can I help y—“

Customer: “Cappuccino. Medium.”

Me: “Would you like that to stay or—“

Customer: *interrupting again* “Go.”

(I finish the transaction politely but without trying to make small talk.)

Customer: “Not very chatty are you?”

A Minor Case Of Bad Language

| Red Deer, AB, Canada | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Language & Words

(I work in the video game part of a toy store. A little kid is playing video games that we have on demo. We assume the man walking around looking at the other video games and consoles is the child’s guardian.)

Child: “Why the f*** did I die?! That was bull-s***!”

(When I hear this I walk up to the man who is browsing and ask him if the child is his. When he says no, I walk over to the child.)

Me: “I’m sorry but it isn’t appropriate for you to be using that language in this store.”

Child: “I say whatever the f*** I want.”

(At this time my manager hears what the child is saying and walks up to us.)

Manager: “Where are your parents?”

Child: “They know I’m here.”

Manager: “That’s not what I asked; I want to know who you are with and where they are.”

Child: “Fine. They are with my sister in the doll section.”

(My manager goes over the intercom to call for the child’s parents. Minutes later the parents came to the video game section angry they were called over.)

Customer: “Why was I called over? I was with my daughter!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but your child isn’t supposed to be left alone in this department; if someone were to grab him—”

Customer: “But he’s playing video games and you are here. He will be fine.”

Manager: “It is not my associate’s responsibility to watch over your child while you wander around the store.”

Customer: “But he is right there!”

Me: “It’s still not my responsibility. We get busy pretty fast in this department and if your child was grabbed while I was with another customer, it would not be my fault. That isn’t the only reason we called you down here. He is using adult language and it isn’t appropriate for a child his age to say words like that.”

Customer: “He is ten; he can say whatever he wants.”

(After arguing with the customer she finally got fed up and left. She forgot her daughter, who she left unattended in the doll section. She came back five minutes later asking why we never told her she forgot someone.)

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