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Category: Language & Words

This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

From The Mouth Of Babes, Part 6

| Calgary, AB, Canada | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Language & Words, Top

(I work at a hockey stadium ticket booth. A customer is using the ‘F’ word a ridiculous amount of times. Everyone is getting tired of this guy, but none faster than the six-year-old girl behind him in line.)

Little Girl:  “My Mom says if ya can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all!”

Crowd: *various sounds of agreement and thanks that she said what they felt they couldn’t*

Customer: “Well your mom must be a [10-second string of words and phrases that should NEVER be spoken to a child, EVER].”

Little Girl:  *crinkles her face up* “If you followed that rule you’d never talk again!”

(The crowd laughs loudly at the remark, and the foul-mouthed customer and his friend are shamed out of line. I comped half her father’s order.)

Related:
From The Mouth Of Babes, Part 5
From The Mouth Of Babes, Part 4
From The Mouth Of Babes, Part 3
From The Mouth Of Babes, Part 2
From The Mouth Of Babes

A Cash Flow Returns To The Source

| Lenoir City, TN, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Language & Words, Money

(I’m working the customer service desk and have a problem with a customer who keeps calling, in spite of being told the answer to his question several times. Frustrated, when he calls again I ask my coworker to answer. She puts him on speaker.)

Coworker: “Customer service. How may I help you?”

Caller: *slurring his words* “I need to return my fridge!”

Coworker: “Okay.”

Caller: “Yeah, and I paid $400 for it, and I found a used one for $200. I want my money back!”

Coworker: “Okay. Do you have your receipt?”

Caller: “No, but I have my credit card.”

Coworker: “Okay. We can put it back on that.”

Caller: “No! I want that in cash!”

Coworker: “Sir, that’s impossible. You paid for it with a credit card, so you get the money back on your credit card.”

Caller: “But I paid it off with CASH!”

Coworker: “Even so. The money has to go back on the card.”

Caller: “Well, f*** it, b****!”

Coworker: “I’d rather not. I don’t think you’re my type.”

(The caller swears again and hangs up.)

Coworker: *to me* “See? With idiots, you have to be clever. It confuses them.”

Not What They Claim To Be

| Adelaide, SA, Australia | Extra Stupid, Language & Words

Me: “Welcome to the [Insurance Company]. You’re speaking with [My Name].”

Caller: “Oh, hi. I don’t have my policy number or anything, but I have my name and address and I need to ask some questions.”

(Usually if they need to ask questions it’s for a claim.)

Me: “That’s fine. Is this for a claim?”

Caller: “Oh, no. It’s just a few questions about my policy.”

(I proceed to find her on the system.)

Me: “Okay, so this is for your home insurance policy. What can I help you with?”

Caller: “Okay. Well, a lil’ while ago a few tree limbs and branches fell on my house and I took out a claim and I wanted to know how it’s going?”

Me: “… Let me transfer you to claims.”