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Category: Language & Words

This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

The Son Of Mondegreen

, | USA | Language & Words, Musical Mayhem

(I am looking for new albums in a music store when I overhear a conversation.)

Customer #1: *singing ‘The Monster,’ a song of Eminem ft. Rihanna* “I’m friends with the monster, the son of my bed.”

Customer #2: “Your lyrics are wrong. It’s ‘that’s under my bed.'”

Customer #1: “Seriously, how can a monster fit under a bed?”

Customer #2: “‘The monster under the bed’ is an expression used by children and the song uses this expression to depict the artist’s struggles in overcoming his demons. And besides, how can a monster be a son of a bed?”

Left Their Brain In Their Other Lifestyle

| Brea, CA, USA | Bizarre, Language & Words

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I would like to order a replacement statement.”

Me: “Okay, sure thing. First to access your account, I’ll ask a couple of verification questions.”

Customer: “Okay!”

Me: “May I have your address please?”

Customer: “Address? What you mean like, where I live?”

Me: “Yes, sir?”

Customer: *gives address*

(After verifying my customer I then proceed to his request.)

Me: “Okay, sir. I have your statements ready to be sent. Would you like it sent to the address on file or an alternate?”

Customer: “I don’t live an alternative lifestyle.  I  just want my statements.”

Birthright Is Wrong

| Australia | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Family & Kids, Language & Words

Customer: “Oh! What an interesting accent! Which country are you from?”

Me: “Thank you. I was born here, but my dad is Northumbrian, so I have a bit of his accent.”

Customer: “So when did you arrive in Australia?”

Me: “I never left. I was born here.”

Customer: “No, that’s impossible. I don’t think you were. In fact, I KNOW you weren’t.”

Me: “So, it’s impossible for my mother to have me in Australia with my dad, who migrated from the UK and has a strong accent that I picked up?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “I was born here in Australia, ma’am.”

Customer: “Oh, you keep thinking that.” *winks and leaves the store*