Category: Language & Words

This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

Me No Help You

| Akron, OH, USA | Language & Words

(I work at a well known hardware store. I am putting something away, when a customer calls out to me.)

Customer: “Hey you!”

(I turn around and look.)

Customer: “You, yeah you! I’m talking to you!”

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “You electric guy?”

Me: “No. You English major?”

Customer: *confused* “No?”

Me: “Didn’t think so…”

(I walk off, leaving the man to ponder.)

Displacing An Order

| Buffalo, NY, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

(I am at a local Chinese restaurant to pick up food for my office. I have done a lot of business with these folks. The young lady working seems to have trouble with her English. As I wait, another customer walks in the door.)

Customer: “Hi, I’m picking up my order my wife placed 20 minutes ago.”

Worker: “I am sorry. I have no order.”

(The customer starts getting angry, and the worker is getting upset and trying her best to accommodate him.)

Customer: “This is un-f******-believable. You people are ridiculous!”

Worker: “I am so sorry. I will make your food. What did you order?”

Customer: “You people need to get your s*** together. You need to learn how to COMMUNICATE!”

(The customer calls his wife.)

Customer: “Yeah, honey? I’m at [Chinese restaurant] getting our food. They screwed up and didn’t, wait, what? Okay…”

(The customer hangs up, suddenly looking very timid.)

Customer: “Yeah, I’m at the wrong place.”

(I feel the need to comment.)

Me: “Looks like you need to learn how to COMMUNICATE.”

(I then grab my food, tip the worker a comfortable amount, and walk out. I can see the smirk on her face, and the embarrassment radiating from the customer.)

Needs To Find A New Post

| UK | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Language & Words

Customer: “Excuse me. I’m looking for [brand] aftershave lotion, but you don’t seem to have any!”

Me: “Did you look in the [brand] section? I think they do a few different ones actually. I’ll show you now.”

(I walk him to the section and show him a few.)

Me: “So, you’ve got this one, for sensitive skin, and this one is—”

Customer: “This isn’t AFTER shave! It says right here: ‘POST Shave Balm!”

Me: “Erm, actually ‘post’ means ‘after.'”

Customer: “…What do they pay you here?”

Me: “Around [salary] per hour.”

Customer: “Well, you deserve every penny of it! You’re a smart girl!” *mutters as he walks off* “Who knew that ‘post’ meant ‘after’…”

Death Goes Shopping

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Language & Words, Top

(I am working behind the register on my first ever day of employment. It is also a particularly busy day. I am finalizing the purchase and handing the customer her bag…)

Me: “Thank you for shopping at [Store]; have a nice day!”

(The customer snaps her head up, gasping, while simultaneously dropping her bag of goods to the floor.)

Customer:What did you say?”

Me: “I thanked you for shopping here, and told you to have a good d—”

Customer: “I know what you said! You told me to have a good DEATH!”

Me: “Ma’am, I can assure you that I did not say anything of the kind.”

Customer: “You DID! You DID and it’s YOU that should be dying, YOU B****! I can assure you that I’ll be taking this further!”

(There is an unimpressed looking customer next in line.)

Next Customer: “Lady, pick up your s*** and get out of here, or I’ll kill you myself.”

See this story as a comic!

Following Instructions In A Manner Of Speaking

| Albuquerque, NM, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Language & Words, Technology

(I am finishing ringing up a sale for a customer. The final step on the signature pad is to confirm the transaction total.)

Me: “Okay, sir, just say ‘yes’ to confirm the total on the signature pad and I’ll get you your receipt.”

(The screen on the pad has two buttons: one reading ‘yes’ and one reading ‘no.’ The customer leans down with his mouth close to the pad and shouts…)

Customer: “YES!”

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