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Category: Language & Words

This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

Logo Loco

| USA | Language & Words, Movies & TV

(A customer is renting a new movie. As we were always taught at this now defunct rental chain, everything the customer rents has to be read back to them at the end of the transaction.)

Me: “Thank you for coming, I ‘Heart’ Huckabees is due on [date].”

Customer: “It’s I LOVE Huckabees.”

Me: “Nope. It’s pronounced I ‘Heart’ Huckabees.”

Customer: “Do you understand grammar?”

Me: “It’s not a matter of grammar. It’s called a ‘logogram.’ When a symbol represents a word, or is meant as a replacement for the word its sign represents. The movie is I ‘Heart’ Huckabees because it includes a logogram – otherwise it would just say ‘love.'”

Customer: *storms out*

The Son Of Mondegreen

, | USA | Language & Words, Musical Mayhem

(I am looking for new albums in a music store when I overhear a conversation.)

Customer #1: *singing ‘The Monster,’ a song of Eminem ft. Rihanna* “I’m friends with the monster, the son of my bed.”

Customer #2: “Your lyrics are wrong. It’s ‘that’s under my bed.'”

Customer #1: “Seriously, how can a monster fit under a bed?”

Customer #2: “‘The monster under the bed’ is an expression used by children and the song uses this expression to depict the artist’s struggles in overcoming his demons. And besides, how can a monster be a son of a bed?”

Left Their Brain In Their Other Lifestyle

| Brea, CA, USA | Bizarre, Language & Words

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I would like to order a replacement statement.”

Me: “Okay, sure thing. First to access your account, I’ll ask a couple of verification questions.”

Customer: “Okay!”

Me: “May I have your address please?”

Customer: “Address? What you mean like, where I live?”

Me: “Yes, sir?”

Customer: *gives address*

(After verifying my customer I then proceed to his request.)

Me: “Okay, sir. I have your statements ready to be sent. Would you like it sent to the address on file or an alternate?”

Customer: “I don’t live an alternative lifestyle.  I  just want my statements.”