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Category: Language & Words

This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

(Trans)Late To Understanding

| Virum, Denmark | Language & Words, Technology

(We run a tech support channel. Unlike traditional channels, we allow anybody and everybody to ask and receive answers. The popularity of the channel forced us to bring in a bot which tells the user to speak English in their own language if they are speaking a non-English language. The user is from Colombia.)

User: *in Spanish* “Hi, my game is broken. Can you help?”

Bot: *in Spanish* “This is an English-only channel. Try Google Translate if you need translations to English.”

User: *in German* “Hi, my game is broken. Can you help?”

Bot: *in German* “This is an English-only channel. Try Google Translate if you need translations to English.”

(The user disconnects.)

Another User: “I wonder which part of “this channel is English only” doesn’t he get?”

Misread The Situation

| FL, USA | At The Checkout, Language & Words

(I work on the front end of a well-known pharmacy as a cashier. We have four registers at the front, and only one is active right now, #3. There are signs on the other registers directing the customer to #3, with a bell included on #3 that says ‘please ring for service.’ I’m stocking an aisle, when a woman walks up to register #1.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’ll be right there to help you. Could you please go to register #3?”

Customer: “Sure, no problem.”

(I walk up behind the counter, logging onto register #3, while the woman has her items set out on register #4.)

Me: “Ma’am, could I help you at this register, please?”

Customer: “Oh, right. I guess it would help if I could read.”

Me: “Well, that’s not really my judgment to make.”

(The woman goes silent for the rest of the transaction. I ring her up, hand her her receipt, and ask if there’s anything else I can help her with.)

Customer: “No, but I certainly hope you’re nicer to your next customer!”

They Are Tea-Total

| Hobart, TAS, Australia | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Language & Words

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to return these two boxes of tea.”

Me: “Sure, no problem. Did you just change your mind?”

Customer: “No. Actually, I sent my daughter to the store to get some tea, meaning something for dinner, and she returned with this drinking tea. I don’t actually need it.”