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Category: Language & Words

This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

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Dose You Has Patience?

| OH, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

(I work delivering pizzas and tonight we get slammed. One driver has called off so we currently only have two drivers and there are only two insiders to make all the food. Apparently one customer has been standing up front waiting for a little while, with a clear view of all the orders to be picked up/delivered. I guess they got tired of waiting and left a note:)

Note: *quoted exactly* “If anyone had bothered to came up you would have had our order, but now Dominos dose.”

(Yes, bad grammar and spelling included, and I don’t think anyone cared that we lost one sale considering the wait time for deliveries was currently running about an hour-and-a-half, and even pickups had to wait at least half-an-hour.)

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How To Lose A Sale

| IA, USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words

(I am managing the jewelry counter at a major retailer and showing a woman a very nice pair of cubic zirconia earrings.)

Me: “I have found that the best thing about CZ is that if you lose them, they’re inexpensive to replace.”

Customer: “What do you mean ‘lose them’?”

Me: “I just meant—”

Customer: “I’m not buying them if I’m going to lose them.”

(I couldn’t help but to stare at the woman as she walked away.)

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Comes With Extra Salty Fries

| UT, USA | At The Checkout, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(So, it’s the beginning of the lunch rush. After serving one customer I get on to the next, a stoic man in plaid.)

Me: “Welcome to [Restaurant]. What can I get for you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’d like a number one condom, medium, please.”

(I don’t know if he noticed, but I had to try very hard not to say something. Or repeat his mistake.)

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Things To Make You Say ‘Man!’

| CA, USA | Bizarre, Language & Words

(I am trans-masculine and have been on testosterone for about eight months. Our company has a service that allows us to serve clients via the Internet, so all they know is the name of the person serving them. One such client calls in. I pick up the phone upon being told he’s one of mine.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Client: “Hi, [My Name]! You don’t sound like a woman!”

(I don’t say anything, thinking this is just an offhand observation. He doesn’t say anything either. It becomes clear this is something he expects me to actually address.)

Me: “Uh-huh?”

Client: “Oh, now you do! So anyway…”

(I was up-talking that last time.)

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An Attitude Trans-formation

| Bradenton, FL, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Popular

(The maintenance man is cleaning the restrooms. He places his cleaning cart in front of the women’s restroom with a sign attached, which reads: “Restroom closed for cleaning. Please use unisex restroom.” I am working at self-checkout, which is next to the restrooms.)

Customer: *to me* “So, I can’t use the bathroom?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. The unisex restroom is open.”

Customer: “What?! I’m not a unisex!”

Me: “Ma’am… the unisex restroom is just a one-person restroom that can be used by anyone.”

Customer: *yelling* “I am not a unisex! Why would you tell me to use a restroom for a unisex?! I will NOT use their restroom!” *stomps out of the store*

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