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Category: Language & Words

This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

Knows Zip About The Code

| NM, USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words

Me: “Thank you, Ma’am. Now I need your address so we can mail your order out to you.”

Caller: “I live at [Street, City, State, USA].”

Me: “OK, ma’am, I have all that. May I have your ZIP code, please?”

Caller: “My what?”

Me: “Your ZIP code. It’s part of your address. After your address.”

Caller: “After my address? No, I don’t have one.”

Me: “Everyone has a ZIP code. It’s the number that follows your address. If you live in the USA, you have a ZIP code. All addresses have one.”

Caller: “And I’m telling you I never heard of such a thing, I’ve lived in this house for 15 years and there’s no ZIP code here.”

Me: “You live in [City], right?”

Caller “Yes. In [City] in [State].”

Me: “Then your ZIP code is a five digit number and would probably begin with [number].”

Caller: “You’re out of your mind! I am looking out my window RIGHT NOW at my house number, on the front porch and there is NO ZIP CODE!”

(Trans)Late To Understanding

| Virum, Denmark | Language & Words, Technology

(We run a tech support channel. Unlike traditional channels, we allow anybody and everybody to ask and receive answers. The popularity of the channel forced us to bring in a bot which tells the user to speak English in their own language if they are speaking a non-English language. The user is from Colombia.)

User: *in Spanish* “Hi, my game is broken. Can you help?”

Bot: *in Spanish* “This is an English-only channel. Try Google Translate if you need translations to English.”

User: *in German* “Hi, my game is broken. Can you help?”

Bot: *in German* “This is an English-only channel. Try Google Translate if you need translations to English.”

(The user disconnects.)

Another User: “I wonder which part of “this channel is English only” doesn’t he get?”

Misread The Situation

| FL, USA | At The Checkout, Language & Words

(I work on the front end of a well-known pharmacy as a cashier. We have four registers at the front, and only one is active right now, #3. There are signs on the other registers directing the customer to #3, with a bell included on #3 that says ‘please ring for service.’ I’m stocking an aisle, when a woman walks up to register #1.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’ll be right there to help you. Could you please go to register #3?”

Customer: “Sure, no problem.”

(I walk up behind the counter, logging onto register #3, while the woman has her items set out on register #4.)

Me: “Ma’am, could I help you at this register, please?”

Customer: “Oh, right. I guess it would help if I could read.”

Me: “Well, that’s not really my judgment to make.”

(The woman goes silent for the rest of the transaction. I ring her up, hand her her receipt, and ask if there’s anything else I can help her with.)

Customer: “No, but I certainly hope you’re nicer to your next customer!”