icon_languagewords

Category: Language & Words

This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

Making A Queer Choice

| NM, USA | Bizarre, Language & Words

(I work in a call center. I am asking a customer to read out a serial number phonetically.)

Customer: “…Q as in ‘Queer.'”

(The customer passes for a moment.)

Customer: “I’m sorry; I don’t know if that was politically correct. It means other things, right?”

Me: *trying not to laugh* “Yes, sure. I can assure you it means other things.”

Lost On The Train And In Translation

| England, UK | Language & Words, Tourists/Travel, Transportation

(I work in the ticket office at a train station. One night a customer with very poor English comes up to me.)

Customer: “Cawidge.”

Me: “I’m sorry, where are you headed?”

Customer: “Cawidge.”

Me: “Cambridge?”

Customer: “No, I go Cawidge.”

Me: “Can you write that for me?” *I hand him a piece of paper and a pen.*

Customer: *shouts something in a foreign language to someone on the other side of the station, who comes running up.*

Customer’s Friend: “He go Cawidge.”

Me: “Yes, can you write that for me please?”

Customer’s Friend: “Uh… Cawidge. Brummum?”

Me: “Birmingham?”

Customer’s Friend: *excitedly* “Yeah, yeah! Brummum! Brummum Cawidge!”

*it suddenly clicks*

Me: “Oh, University of Birmingham?”

Customer: “Yeah, cawidge!”

Me: “Sure, that’ll be [price]. In future though, don’t ask for the College, ask for University of Birmingham. Okay?”

Customer: “Yew… nee… verse… Brummum!”

Me: “… Yeah, that’ll do.”

Charlie Is Barely Barley, Bizarrely

| Canada | Extra Stupid, Language & Words

(We interact with customers over the phone, and sometimes have to spell things out for them, so for clarity’s sake, we are encouraged to memorize and use the NATO phonetics to spell when needed. A as in Alpha, B as in Bravo…)

Me: “Okay, please type this in: C for Charlie—”

Customer: “B for barley?”

(So much for clarity!)