This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!
Customer: “WHY ARE ALL YOUR TOWN NAMES STUPID? CAN’T YOU SPELL?!”
Me: “Sir, please don’t shout. The town names around here are in Welsh, because you’re in Wales. I’m sorry if this offends you.”
Customer: “It’s not just offensive. It’s f***ing stupid!”
Me: “Sir, please don’t swear. The town names are part of our unique history. They tell us about our heritage.
Customer: Well your heritage f***ing sucks.
Me: Sir, can I actually help you with anything, or did you just come here to tell us that you don’t like Wales?
Customer: You all need to be more English. *leaves*
Coworker: Well… at least you didn’t need to ask him to leave!
(I’ve just started a job at a certain Canadian coffee shop franchise. It’s my first job, and I’m still learning how to deal with people and learning the items we sell.)
Customer: “I’d like a naughty donut, please.”
Me: *pause* “What kind of donut?”
Customer: “A naughty donut.”
(I entered in ‘assorted donut’ and he pays. My coworker comes up and reads the screen, going over to the donut section.)
Coworker: “Hi, sir, what type of donut did you want?”
Customer: “A naughty one.”
Coworker: “Um… what kind?”
Customer: *points* “A Peanut Crunch.”
Me: “Oh, a NUTTY donut!”
(Our county council has online web-forms for people to get in touch.)
“The winds outside blew and blew
and my bin lid verily flew
in a lickety split
I emailed you quick
to request a brand new one from you”
(Since the customer did not tell us whether it was her recycling or refuse bin that broke in the weather I have to contact her back. It is the first time I have EVER received a request in limerick form, so I decide to phone the lady. Unfortunately, it goes to voicemail.)
Me: *to the voicemail*
“The council received your request
but you leave us a little perplexed
Amidst rhyming hype
forgot ye the type
of the bin-lid you meant to suggest”