This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!
(I’m working at an information booth at an international airport. I notice a woman in line scolding her children in Spanish. I myself am Latina. When she comes up to the counter:)
Me: “¿En qué puedo servirle?” *How can I help you?*
Customer: “This is America. Speak English.”
(My husband and I work at the same small store. This day he is helping a woman and her five- or six-year-old son while I am wiping down a counter nearby.)
Son: “[Name] watches adult movies.”
Customer: *quickly* “He means his cousin watches movies rated PG-13 or R.”
Son: “They have bad words in them.”
Husband: “Yeah, I don’t like bad words. They hurt my head and my heart, and make angels cry!”
(I had to bite the inside of my lip, and had to avoid looking at my husband to keep from laughing. My husband is a former member of the Navy, and still swears like a sailor!)
(A lady and her husband walk into the store and order two medium coffees, one with milk, and one with double cream and double sugar. It is required that we mark the lid in order to determine whose beverage is whose, so I mark the drink with double cream and double sugar. Usually for this I write ‘dd’ on the lid. I put the drink on the counter, and the lady walks over to pick up her drink. She looks at the drink and asks me why I put two ‘p’s on the lid.)
Me: “Ma’am, those are ‘d’s. The drink is facing the opposite way”.
Her: “Why don’t you put the proper “D”s on the lid?”
Me: “I use that to indicate decaf coffee.”
Her:“But the ‘d’ is not a real letter anyway; learn to write properly next time.” *walks off in a huff*