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Category: Language & Words

This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

Lima Oscar Lima

| TX, USA | Language & Words

(Working the counter, I help two guys in Army fatigues bring in two big boxes of medals or ribbons that they had to separate and mail each to a different person. All was quiet for a while as they process this large order. Nearing the end I think they found a mistake because all I heard for a few minutes was:)

Customer: “Whiskey Tango Foxtrot! Whiskey Tango Foxtrot!”

Losing Him In Multiple Translations

, | Houston, TX, USA | Language & Words, Liars & Scammers

(I am an entrance photographer at a theme park.)

Me: “Hello, folks. Welcome to [Theme Park]. I need you to please stop for two quick pictures.”

Adult Male Park Attendee: *in obvious Texan Drawl and slightly bad Spanish* “No hablos English.” *yes, he said English, not Ingles*

(Trying to do my job, be polite, and not jump to conclusions I switch to Spanish, which, while I’m not a native speaker, I’m relatively fluent in, and have practiced specifically for Spanish speaking park attendees so they’re not left out of the full experience.)

Me: “No hay problema, señor. Necesito que dejes de para dos fotos rápidas, por favor.”

Adult Male Park Attendee: *still in obvious Texan Drawl and now broken French* “Polly View Frances?”

(Again, he said view, not vue, and while I could do the entire spiel in French, thanks to learning it from my Louisianan coworker, just in case, I’m certain at this point the guy is bluffing, plus he doesn’t actually ask me to say it in French, so…)

Me: “Oui, monsieur.”

(Got to give the guy credit for persistence, because he takes one more shot to avoid the inconvenience of having his photo taken.)

Adult Male Park Attendee: *not even really trying to speak in the language* “German?”

(Yup, he says German, not ‘Deustche.’ At this point, I’m bluffing his bluff. I never learned the spiel in German, but I do know enough to say…)

Me: “Ja, mein herr.”

Adult Male Park Attendee: “Ah, dang nabbit, just take our god-d*** pictures.”

(The family poses and everyone smiles except him. I smile and hand the man the slip with his roll number and finish my duty with them with a cheerful final comment.)

Me: “Your pictures will be ready any time after four pm. Thank you for your time and consideration. Hope you all enjoy this wonderful day.”

(Epilogue: The guy’s wife and kids dragged him to check out the pictures. They bought several framed, a few key chains, and both mini viewers… totaling enough for me to get $40 of commission off just them… They were my only sales that day!)

This Conversation Plunges To Lower Depths

| Canada | Language & Words

(A customer comes up to my till with a toilet plunger.)

Me: “Hello! How’s your day going?”

Customer: “S***ty. Pun intended.”