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Category: Language & Words

This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

Word Choice Makes An Explosion Of Difference

| USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

(For a special holiday event hosted by a local organization our fast food restaurant gives them coupons for small ice cream cones to give to children as prizes. We are open the same day and the event lasts all day long. Our poor old ice cream machine quickly overheats and starts gushing liquid ice cream all over the floor.)

Customer #1: *screaming so loud i can hear her through my coworkers headset* “What do you mean we can’t get ice cream? Why do you think we came here in the first place?!”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but the ice cream machine is currently down and—”

Customer #1: “Of course it is! You know what? F*** YOU!”

(The customer drives off, pissed. Just like most of our other customers for that day.)

Me: “You look frazzled. Give me the headset for a while.”

Coworker: “Oh, God, thank you!”

Me: “Thank you for choosing [Restaurant]. How can I help you?”

Customer #2: “Yeah, we got these coupons for free ice cream cones. Can we get that?”

Me: “I’d love to make those for you! …except our ice cream machine exploded earlier today.”

Customer #2: “Oh, My God! Is everyone okay?”

Me: “Yes, no one was hurt but it did make quite a mess. Someone’s coming out to look at it tomorrow but it probably won’t be fixed until Monday.”

Customer #2: “Okay, we’ll just hold onto our coupons then. Let’s just get [order].”

Me: “Yes, sir, your total is [total] at the first window.” *turning to my coworker* “I think I just accidentally discovered something…”

(Every time someone asked for ice cream for the rest of the day, we told them the ice cream machine exploded and suddenly no one was screaming at us anymore because we were unable to make cones. Word choice is important!)

I Swear By My Password

, | TX, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Technology

(I work for an ISP that also provides e-mail. The phone rings.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Provider]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Hi, I just got a new computer, and I can’t remember the password to log into my e-mail.”

Me: “I can certainly help you out with that. Give me one moment to bring up your account.”

(I verify some information with her and bring up her info, including her e-mail password. Because of what it is though, I’m having trouble figuring out how to give it to her.)

Me: “Okay… So, I have your password up now. So I just want to be clear that what I’m about to tell you is really what I’m seeing on my screen.”

Customer: “All right.”

Me: “Okay, well, the password is ‘f*** you.'”

(I hear some typing in the background.)

Customer: “Great! That was it! Thank you so much!” *click*

Getting It All In Español, Part 2

| CA, USA | At The Checkout, Language & Words

(A group of guys come in speaking Spanish, which I understand and speak fairly well. They shove the one white guy in the group forward to talk to me, the white hostess.)

Guy: *in English* “Hi, uh, can we get a table for eight, please?”

Me: *in English* “Sure thing. I think I have one cleared off, but let me go check for you.”

Guy: *in English* “Yeah, no problem.”

(I go to check the table. It is clear. When I get back, the guys are talking to the bartender in Spanish.)

Guy: *in Spanish* “The girl here was pretty cute, huh, man?”

Bartender: *in Spanish* “Yeah, she’s okay.” *looks at me, says in Spanish with an evil grin:* “Hey, white girl, is the table ready yet?”

Me: *in Spanish* “Yeah, it’s ready. Come on, guys.”

(The whole group blushed bright red. They were very polite to the staff the whole time and left us a great tip!)

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Getting It All In Español