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Category: Language & Words

This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

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Things To Make You Say ‘Man!’

| CA, USA | Bizarre, Language & Words

(I am trans-masculine and have been on testosterone for about eight months. Our company has a service that allows us to serve clients via the Internet, so all they know is the name of the person serving them. One such client calls in. I pick up the phone upon being told he’s one of mine.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Client: “Hi, [My Name]! You don’t sound like a woman!”

(I don’t say anything, thinking this is just an offhand observation. He doesn’t say anything either. It becomes clear this is something he expects me to actually address.)

Me: “Uh-huh?”

Client: “Oh, now you do! So anyway…”

(I was up-talking that last time.)

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An Attitude Trans-formation

| Bradenton, FL, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Popular

(The maintenance man is cleaning the restrooms. He places his cleaning cart in front of the women’s restroom with a sign attached, which reads: “Restroom closed for cleaning. Please use unisex restroom.” I am working at self-checkout, which is next to the restrooms.)

Customer: *to me* “So, I can’t use the bathroom?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. The unisex restroom is open.”

Customer: “What?! I’m not a unisex!”

Me: “Ma’am… the unisex restroom is just a one-person restroom that can be used by anyone.”

Customer: *yelling* “I am not a unisex! Why would you tell me to use a restroom for a unisex?! I will NOT use their restroom!” *stomps out of the store*

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Maybe You Didn’t Say What You Thought You Said

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Bizarre, Language & Words

(We have a lot of multicultural customers come into our store and as I love languages I like to ask about their accents and learn a phrase or two if I can. A young woman and her elderly mother have been talking in another language before coming to my register.)

Me: “Hi there, did you find everything okay? And do you mind me asking what language that was?”

Daughter: “It’s a dialect of Italian.”

Me: “How would I say ‘have a nice day’?”

Mother: “Fi una bella giornata.”

(As I hand them their purchases.)

Me: “Well, then, fi una bella giornata!”

Daughter: “Very good!”

(The mother then says something in Italian before slapping me in the rear.)

Mother: “Maybe I find you boyfriend!”