Category: Language & Words

This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 18

| AZ, USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words, Math & Science

(A sorority full of girls calls in with one girl as the primary contact, unable to connect to their wireless router. First, as I’m verifying the address:)

Customer: *…[digit], [digit], [digit], one slash two.”

Me: “So that’s [full number] and a half.”

Customer: “NO, one slash two.”

(Later on while troubleshooting:)

Me: “So how many devices are you trying to connect wirelessly?”

Customer: “Well, we have seven or eight devices total, but only two are ‘wirelessly.’ The rest use the wifi.”

Me: “…”


Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 17

Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 16

Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 15

No Problem Is A Problem

| Brighton, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Language & Words

(I notice an elderly man looking a little confused while browsing. I approach him to see if he needs any help.)

Me: “Hello, sir, can I help you at all?”

Man: “No, no. It’s ok; you don’t have what I want.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. What was it you were looking for?”

Man: “It’s all right. I’ll go somewhere else.”

Me: “Okay, sir, no problem.”

Man: *suddenly irate* “No problem? No problem? Of course there’s a bloody problem! I can’t find what I want!”

Me: “I.. I’m sorry, sir. I just meant it as an expression.”

Man: “You people! Why do you have to say such stupid things!”

Me: “Again, I’m very sorry, sir. I didn’t mean to offend.”

(He gave me a snarling look then walked off muttering, “No problem? No bloody problem?” I stood there for a few seconds just staring at the back of his head as he left, completely dumbfounded!)

Taste Of Your Own Fast Acting Medicine

| NC, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Language & Words

Customer: “I want a number-one-medium-with-a-coke-and-a-large-frosty-with-a-kids-meal-chicken-nuggets-and-apple-slices-and-orange-juice—”

Me: “M—”

Customer: “—also-a-number-seven-with-a-diet-coke-large-and-an-apple-salad.”

(Fortunately I am able to type all of that in and keep up with her despite that and speak it back to her just as fast as she had said it.)

Me: Okay…so you want a number-one-medium-with-a-coke-and-a-large-frosty-with-a-kids-meal-chicken-nuggets-and-apple-slices-and-orange-juicealso-a-number-seven-with-a-diet-coke-large-and-an-apple-salad?”

Customer: “Wait… what?”

A Very Unfortunate Vocabulary

| Limerick, Ireland | Extra Stupid, Language & Words

Me: “Because it’s too close to your renewal date, we won’t be able to change your plan now, but at the end of the week we will.”

Customer: “So there’s nothing you can do for me now?”

Me: “Unfortunately not, no.”

Customer: “Right. And you know that word you keep using, ‘Unfortunately.'”

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “I’d like you to put through some feedback to your complaints department; it’s not a real word. I don’t know who’s been doing your training or whatever, but ‘Unfortunately’ is not in the dictionary.” *click*

Giving The French Stick, Part Deux

| Tilbury, ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Language & Words

(I am about 18 and working at a sub shop. Two blonde beauties from Quebec come through the door. I live in Ontario and most of the people in my little town speak English; however, I went to French school.)

Me: “Welcome to [Sandwich Shop]. What can I get you?”

Customer #1: *in thick French accent, begins placing her order*

(As I cut the bread and start to prep, I start hearing them talking in French, looking at me but speaking to each other; they didn’t even have the decency to whisper.)

Customer #1: *in French slang* “That girl is so ugly. Look at her clothes.”

Customer #2: “I know. Like, why would she even go out in public?”

(This continues as I make their subs with a big smile on my face. They go on about how they’re worried that my touch will contaminate their food, among other slurs about the province and how much Quebec is better. After paying their total I say in perfectly clear French:)

Me: “Merci d’avoir choisi [Franchise]. J’espère que t’aime ton voyage en Ontario.” *Thank you for choosing [Franchise]. I hope you like your trip to Ontario.*

(Their faces turned white and they quickly exited the store, egos tightly tucked between their legs. I apologized to my mom that night for always giving her trouble about making me go to French school!)

Giving The French Stick

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