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Category: Language & Words

This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

You’re Only Cursing Yourself

| USA | Bad Behavior, Language & Words

(One of the few good policies is that we can hang up, with no warning, on customers if they start cursing at us.)

Technical Support Representative #1: “[Company] tech support. What may I help you with?”

Caller: “Your [bleeping] piece of [bleep] is not [bleeping] working.”

Technical Support Representative #1: “Sir, if you don’t stop cursing and tell me what the issue is…”

Caller: “[Bleep] you, just fix the [bleep]ing piece of [bleep].”

Technical Support Representative #1: *click*

Technical Support Representative #2: *same thing*

Technical Support Representative #3: *same thing*

(By now we are sharing the customer number and start answering:)

Technical Support Representative #6: “If you curse, we hang up…”

Caller: “[Bleep].”

Technical Support Representative #6: *click*

(A few more rounds of this and he finally gets to me.)

Me: “Shut up and listen. We are here to help you. You curse, I hang up. Now tell me what’s wrong and I’ll help you. Your call, curse or help?”

Caller: *in a rather meek voice* “Okay, but I’m a bit frustrated.”

Me: “Don’t worry; I’ll walk you through it.”

(He cursed once in the conversation, paused and apologized. It took only ten minutes and was a really a simple fix.)

Bad Jokes Every Sunday!

, | Regina, SK, Canada | Language & Words

(I deliver flyers and the Sunday paper for the local newspaper company. As a common nickname, the Sunday paper is known as “the Sun.” I was delivering on a Sunday morning when I saw a customer who had recently moved in.)

Me: “Excuse me, would you like a Sun?”

Customer: “No, thanks, I already have three daughters.”

Cutting Straight To The Point

| Arlington, VA, USA | At The Checkout, Language & Words

(I have been waiting on line for a long time, but am finally next. Just as the person in front is finishing up their transaction, a woman cuts right in front of me.)

Me: “Excuse me.”

Woman: “Are you next?”

Me: *in an annoyed tone* “Yes.”

Woman: “And are you a total b****?”

Me: “…Also yes, but I don’t see what that has to do with it.”

The Color(ful Language) Of Money

| NC, USA | Language & Words, Money

(A patron complaining about the cost of a fax:)

Patron: “Two d*** dollars?!”

Coworker: “Regular dollars will work, too.”

Going On A Nutty Trip

| Australia | Health & Body, Language & Words

(I work at a large supermarket franchise and our store is quite big so we often get people asking where things are.)

Old Woman: “Hi, can you help me? I’m looking for this nut mix stuff; I think it has almonds and linseed in it.”

Me: “Do you know what it might be called or what brand it might be?”

Old Woman: “Well, I think it was an acronym. I think it was called LSD.”

Me: “…Uh, do you mean LSA?”

Old Woman: “Yes, that’s it!” *after a few moments* “LSD’s a drug, isn’t it?”

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