Category: Language & Words

This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

I See Your True Colors Swearing Through

| TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Language & Words

(My coworker is hidden behind front register counter, kneeling to stock something.)

Customer: *to her friend* “I f****** hate these people. They’re never f****** ready. They’re so f****** stupid. That’s why they work here. They’re so f****** dumb.”

Coworker: *stands up, staring customer dead in the face* “Will that be all today?”

Customer: “Sorry about that. Didn’t see you there.”

Coworker: “I understand. We all show our true colors when we’re alone.”

Customer: *clearly offended, scoffs at coworker and stomps out of the store*

Holla At The Girl

| Cornelius, OR, USA | Family & Kids, Language & Words

(I do not speak Spanish. A Hispanic father and young son come up to my line.)

Me: “Hello! Did you find everything all right?”

Father: *in English* “Hi. Yes, we did.” *turns to young son and says in Spanish* “Say hello.” *he says the word ‘hello’ in English*

Boy: “Hola!”

Father: *still speaking in Spanish, but says the word ‘hello’ in English* “No, say ‘hello’!”

Boy: *looks at father in confusion* “I did say Hola!”

The World’s Oldest Craft

| CA, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(My mum and I are in a craft store buying supplies for a skirt I am making. We cannot find the hooks and eyes. We ask a worker at the store for help.)

Worker: “How may I help you?”

Mum: “We need to find hookers.”

(She just stares at us.)

Mum: *laughs uncontrollably* “I mean hooks and eyes!”

Transaction Turned Sour

Palm Desert, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Funny Names, Language & Words

(There was a certain drink offered at this coffee shop that was a tangerine juice blend that had been discontinued six months before.)

Customer: *in drive-thru* “Can I get a tangerine juice blend?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but that was discontinued six months ago. Can I interest you in a blended strawberry lemonade instead?”

Customer: “No, I wanted something with citrus.” *backs out of drive-thru*

Me: *to coworker* “…Does she realize the word citrus comes from the Latin word for the word ‘lemon’?”

You’re Only Cursing Yourself

| USA | Bad Behavior, Language & Words

(One of the few good policies is that we can hang up, with no warning, on customers if they start cursing at us.)

Technical Support Representative #1: “[Company] tech support. What may I help you with?”

Caller: “Your [bleeping] piece of [bleep] is not [bleeping] working.”

Technical Support Representative #1: “Sir, if you don’t stop cursing and tell me what the issue is…”

Caller: “[Bleep] you, just fix the [bleep]ing piece of [bleep].”

Technical Support Representative #1: *click*

Technical Support Representative #2: *same thing*

Technical Support Representative #3: *same thing*

(By now we are sharing the customer number and start answering:)

Technical Support Representative #6: “If you curse, we hang up…”

Caller: “[Bleep].”

Technical Support Representative #6: *click*

(A few more rounds of this and he finally gets to me.)

Me: “Shut up and listen. We are here to help you. You curse, I hang up. Now tell me what’s wrong and I’ll help you. Your call, curse or help?”

Caller: *in a rather meek voice* “Okay, but I’m a bit frustrated.”

Me: “Don’t worry; I’ll walk you through it.”

(He cursed once in the conversation, paused and apologized. It took only ten minutes and was a really a simple fix.)

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