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Category: Language & Words

This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

Going On A Nutty Trip

| Australia | Health & Body, Language & Words

(I work at a large supermarket franchise and our store is quite big so we often get people asking where things are.)

Old Woman: “Hi, can you help me? I’m looking for this nut mix stuff; I think it has almonds and linseed in it.”

Me: “Do you know what it might be called or what brand it might be?”

Old Woman: “Well, I think it was an acronym. I think it was called LSD.”

Me: “…Uh, do you mean LSA?”

Old Woman: “Yes, that’s it!” *after a few moments* “LSD’s a drug, isn’t it?”

Lost In Stupid Translation

| RTX, USA | Bigotry, Language & Words

(My husband and I have been fighting for the past few days, so when I come in for my shift, I’m not in the best of moods. There is a customer there, that is known for being difficult, harassing my coworker who is Hispanic and has a slight accent, but speaks perfect English.)

Customer: *speaking loud and slow* “I said I want to use my coupon for 10% off this item.”

Coworker: “Yes, ma’am, but I need to see the coupon. It has a code I need to type in.”

Customer: *still doing the loud and slow bit* “Coupon! Do you know what that is? Habla English?” *turns to her husband* “I have no idea why they even hire these illegals.”

Coworker: *angry and in tears* “I cannot give you the 10% without a coupon.”

Me: *doing the slow and loud bit to the customer* “She said you need the coupon here.” *makes a hand gesture of pointing to my hand* “She can’t do magic and make up a code that is on the piece of paper you call a coupon. Do you understand?”

Customer: *angrily* “Why are you talking to me like that? Yes, I understand.”

Me: “Are you sure? I was worried you didn’t understand what with talking the way you were.”

Customer: “I can’t understand her f****** language! She needs to learn to speak like us.”

Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t speak stupid here. It’s hard enough dealing with it.” *mimicking coworker while handing them their bags* “Thank you and have a nice day.”

(I expected to get written up, but the customer’s husband was laughing so hard she stalked out and left him there.)

Should Have Explained More Plainly

, | Basildon, England, UK | Food & Drink, Language & Words

(I work throughout college. A woman approaches my till with her young daughter.)

Me: “Hi, what would you like today?”

(The woman leans down and says to her daughter loud enough for everyone to hear:)

Woman: “See? THIS is what happens when you don’t do well at school!” *stands up and gives her order extremely slowly, pronouncing every syllable deliberately while I’m trying not to laugh* “…and a plain burger. PLAIN. Do you know what that means?”

Me: “Yes, I’m aware. That’ll be [total], please.”

Woman: “No… No, is that burger PLAAAIN?”

Me: “Yeees, I put that through. [Total], please.”

Woman: “Explain what plain means for me so I’m sure.”

Me: “It means plain, devoid of condiments, bereft of ketchup, void of mustard, a lack of lettuce and onions, nothing but a solitary burger on a lonely bun, the isolated meat longing for the sweet embrace of salads and sauces but doomed to remain on its barren bed awaiting sweet consumption.”

Woman: “What does that mean?”

Me: *head-desk* “[Total], please.”