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Category: Language & Words

This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

| G|ve Up

| Lincoln, NE, USA | Language & Words, Technology

(I am on a call with customer, I was trying to get her to type the “|” character:)

Customer: “Where is it?”

Me: “It’s above the enter key, with the backslash.”

Customer: “I don’t have that.”

Me: “Yes, you do; it’s above the “enter,” with the backslash.”

Customer: “Oh, you mean the brackets?”

Me: “No, it’s above the enter key, with the backslash. So it’s to the right of the brackets.”

Customer: “Do you mean my ‘L’ key? Because it’s rubbed off, so I can’t see it.”

Me: “No, it’s not the ‘L’ key. It’s above the enter key. With the backslash.”

Customer: *she finds the key* “OH, it’s a capital!”

Me: “Yes, a capital backslash.”

Customer: “It doesn’t work.”

Me: “Did you use the shift? Without that, it’s just a backslash.”

Customer: “Oh, there it is!”

Does It Look Like I Give A Thank?

| Boston, MA, USA | Family & Kids, Language & Words, Popular, Rude & Risque

(A family with two small children is sitting at a table across from me eating pizza. The father has been serving slices cut in half to the children, who look to be around three years old.)

Mother: “What do you say to daddy, sweetheart?”

Little Girl: “F*** you!”

Mother: “No, no, honey. You mean ‘Thank you!'”

Little Girl: “Fank you!”

Mother: *to me* “She’s still learning.”

I See Your True Colors Swearing Through

| TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Language & Words

(My coworker is hidden behind front register counter, kneeling to stock something.)

Customer: *to her friend* “I f****** hate these people. They’re never f****** ready. They’re so f****** stupid. That’s why they work here. They’re so f****** dumb.”

Coworker: *stands up, staring customer dead in the face* “Will that be all today?”

Customer: “Sorry about that. Didn’t see you there.”

Coworker: “I understand. We all show our true colors when we’re alone.”

Customer: *clearly offended, scoffs at coworker and stomps out of the store*

Holla At The Girl

| Cornelius, OR, USA | Family & Kids, Language & Words

(I do not speak Spanish. A Hispanic father and young son come up to my line.)

Me: “Hello! Did you find everything all right?”

Father: *in English* “Hi. Yes, we did.” *turns to young son and says in Spanish* “Say hello.” *he says the word ‘hello’ in English*

Boy: “Hola!”

Father: *still speaking in Spanish, but says the word ‘hello’ in English* “No, say ‘hello’!”

Boy: *looks at father in confusion* “I did say Hola!”

The World’s Oldest Craft

| CA, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(My mum and I are in a craft store buying supplies for a skirt I am making. We cannot find the hooks and eyes. We ask a worker at the store for help.)

Worker: “How may I help you?”

Mum: “We need to find hookers.”

(She just stares at us.)

Mum: *laughs uncontrollably* “I mean hooks and eyes!”

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