Category: Language & Words

This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!


A Cent-less Amount Of Swearing

| MI, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Language & Words, Popular

(A customer is complaining over the speaker about the price of our ice cream.)

Customer: “I can’t believe you’re changing an extra twenty cents when all I want is extra chocolate! How dare you take my money for yourself. I will get you FIRED. Do you hear me? I’ll kill you if you take my money! I demand to speak to your manager, you dumb***. You f****** b****! You shouldn’t charge more for extra toppings because your prices are—”

Me: *having enough of the verbal abuse* “Your total is $3.18. Pull around to the first window.”

(When the car gets to my window, I realize the woman was yelling from the passenger side. The driver looks resigned.)

Customer: “I will give you advice. Do NOT get an attitude like that with me. I am the customer and NOT someone you want to make angry. It is not kosher to make me mad, trust me.”

Me: “$3.18, please.”

Customer: “Did you hear me, b****?!”

Me: “I did hear you. I heard you cuss me out for several minutes over twenty cents and threaten to kill me, and not only did I hear you, but my manager did as well. Now, you have two options. You can pay and get your food and leave, or you can swear at me some more, I will cancel your order, shut the window, and walk away. Now, will you be paying cash or credit?”

(The driver suddenly bursts into laughter. The passenger turns several different shades of red.)

Customer: “Listen here, you f***ing—”

Me: “You order has been canceled.” *shuts and locks window*

Manager: *over the headset* “I hope she complains. The cop in the lobby heard everything and would like to have a few words with her about death threats.”

(The customer did try to complain, but the driver sped away once the cop stepped outside. They never came back.)


A Faire Amount Of Context Missing

| Allentown, PA, USA | Bizarre, Language & Words, Pets & Animals

(I’m back at work after a day off to attend the regional Renaissance faire, of which I’m a passionate devotee. I’m showing the pictures on my phone to a coworker, and offering as little context as possible for what I’m saying just to be funny.)

Me: “…and here’s Snorkel the dancing stunt pig, with his human daddy.”

Customer: *passing by and doubling back* “Wow, that is the greatest sentence I’ve ever accidentally overheard in my entire life.”


I Pronounce Thee Idiot

, | NY, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Popular

Customer: *over dressed for our grocery store location, and speaking with the sort of tone you normally reserve for children* “Give me three la-Zaa-nya squares, an eggplant salad, and one bru-Skeee-ta.

(The customer throws on a really thick, and sudden accent when pronouncing the food. He smiles at me in a way that makes me think I’m supposed to be impressed by this.)

Me: *punching in the order, and repeating it back using the accepted American pronunciation of the words ‘lasagna ‘ and ‘bruschetta* “Three lasagna squares, one large eggplant salad, one bruschetta.”

Customer: “Bru-Skeeeeh-ta” *he drags out the pronunciation even more*

Me: “One bruschetta.” *I agree, again, as per our store policy*

Customer: *looking self important* “It’s actually an Italian word? See if it were German, you would say it the way you’re saying it, but it’s not. Bru-SKEH-ta. See?”

Me: “If you say so, sir.” *getting his order ready, at this point, I’m too tired to deal with him*

Customer: “It’s just like ‘SPUH-geeh-tee’.” He grins at me.

Me: “Of course, sir.”

Customer: “You look like a nice Italian girl. Don’t you want to learn the language?”

Me: *handing him his food* “I’m a boy, sir.”

(His face dropped, and turned an interesting shade of red. He snatched his food away and spit something in what I could only presume is very overly-pronounced Italian at me, before hurrying away.)

Unable To Please You

| Lancashire, England, UK | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Language & Words

(I am a cashier. Two customers approach the counter; one of them has an item of fruit.)

Customer #1: “Is this [price #1]?”

Me: “No, sir, it’s [price #2].”

Customer #2: *in a stern tone* “Please.”

Me: “…sorry?”

Customer #1: “So you should be. You say please when you tell me the price.”

Me: “It’s [price #2]… please?”

Customer #2: “That’s better.” *to Customer #1* “Don’t they teach people manners these days?”

(They put down the fruit and walk off.)

Me: “But… I… I was answering a question.”

Toying With The Name

| Waxahachie, TX, USA | Bigotry, Family & Kids, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(An elderly man brings in his four-year-old grandson for a toy.)

Grandpa: “Okay, [Grandson], pick out a toy.”

(The grandson starts looking around frantically at the shelf, spots a toy, and starts hopping around excitedly and pointing:)

Grandson: “Grandpa! Grandpa! I want a g**d*** wing!”

Grandpa: *looking from surprise to anger at once, about to smack the grandson while crying out* “What the h*** did you just say?!”

Me: *runs up quickly and intervenes* “Whoa, whoa, whoa! He was meaning Gundum wing.”

Grandpa: *staring at the shelf looking disgruntled* “D*** Japs did it on purpose.”

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