Category: Language & Words

This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

Don’t F*** With The Menu

, | Australia | At The Checkout, Language & Words

(I work on drive-thru. I have a bit of a reputation for acting silly with customers, usually because I work the late-night weekend shifts and therefore talk to a lot of drunk people.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Restaurant]. Can I please take your order?”

Customer: *confused, obviously caught out* “Ah, ah – f***!”

Me: *not missing a beat* “That’ll cost extra, sir.”

Balls To The Walls Crazy

| Halifax, NS, Canada | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(I work for a luxury furniture company that has recently featured giant faux-fur covered pilates balls. A woman in her mid-forties runs into the store with a clearly abnormal level of excitement about the product.)

Woman: “I just came in to touch your balls. Oh! They’re so soft, I could just sit on them naked. They look like dirty snowballs. I want a dirty snowball so bad.”

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot Are You Talking About?

, | Birmingham, England, UK | Language & Words

(A user wanted a simple password change on their account.)

Me: “Right, I have changed your password to the word ‘RED.’”

User: “Red?”

Me: “Yes. Romeo. Echo. Delta.”

User: “Hang on, I get to the ‘h’ in Echo and it won’t let me enter any more characters.”

Me: “I am using the phonetic alphabet to spell out red to you.”

User: “So what do I put now?”

Me: “Just put the colour red.”

User: ‘The colour red’ doesn’t work.”

Me: “Just type the word red. R-E-D.”

User: “I’m in now. You should have just said that instead of Echo Delta Colours! Thanks!”

Trying To Work Out Which Is More Tragic

| TAS, Australia | Language & Words

Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

Customer: “My landlord died this morning!”

Me: “Oh, I’m very sorry to hear—”

Customer: “LandLINE! My landline died this morning!”

Me: “Ah, I see! Home phones are right this way.”

Screened For Bad Language

| Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | Language & Words, Popular, Technology

(I’m the bad guy here. This happens in a science museum in Edinburgh that’s quite interactive and popular for young children, which I visit with my fiancée. We approach a large screen with an animated palaeontologist character standing idly. I look up and see a small sensor above the screen, and a marked floor area, and realise it’s an interactive display. It’s the middle of the week and we are the only ones in the exhibit.)

Display: “Hi there, are you having fun today?”

Me: “F*** off, witch.”

(I turn to walk on.)

Display: “Well, that was unexpected.”

(We stop and look back.)

Me: “What?”

Display: “I’ve never had anyone swear at me before!”

(Actually panicking now.)

Me: “Wait, you’re REAL?”

Display: “Yep, and quite surprised!”

(Turned out there was a staff member assigned to the screen and the sensor was a camera. She was quite forgiving and informative, but it was quite funny watching as people behind us ignored the screen and she started throwing sarcastic comments out to try and get their attention!)

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