Category: Language & Words

This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!


Doesn’t Ad-here To The Ad

| Orlando, FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words

(I work in a large retail store selling fitness equipment and tools. It is a slow midweek shift when an older gentleman walks in.)

Me: “Hello, sir, welcome to [Store]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: *has a newspaper ad in hand* “I will take one of these today!” *pointing at a treadmill*

Me: “Okay, sir, that is no problem. Let’s go over to the register and we can finish up.”

(The customer follows me over and I ring the order.)

Me: “Your total today comes to $645.32.”

Customer: “WHAT! The ad clearly lists that as $49.99!”

(The customer shoves the ad in my face.)

Me: “Sir, that price is for the rubber mat that goes beneath the machine.”

Customer: “This is absurd! You punks are scamming me and others! I will never shop here again!”

Me: “Sorry, sir. Learn how to read an ad, and have a great day!”


Sick Of This Request

| Greensboro, NC, USA | Language & Words

(I work at a mom-and-pop hardware store where we sell a little bit of everything.)

Me: “Here you go, ma’am. We have all different kinds of rat killer.”

(I show her a few different brands and styles.)

Customer: “Can you show me where y’all’s pneumonia is?”

(I give her a strange look.)

Customer: “Did I not pronounce that correct?”

Me: “Well, ma’am, you did and I can show you pneumonia, but that’s an illness so I don’t think you want that.”

Customer: “Oh, oh! I meant ammonia.”


This Job Can’t Be Blushed

| NY, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(I work in a popular coffee shop and am attempting to put together the pump for our mocha sauce. I am grasping the longish metal pipe and am trying to get the other piece to twist in. While struggling with this, one of our regulars comes up to the counter.)

Regular: “Don’t have much experience handling something that big, do you?”

Me: *turns away from him in embarrassment*

Regular: “Oh, gosh, look how red you are.”

Me: *mumbling* “Haha, it’s just my blush.”

(He goes to sit down at a table once I’ve given him his drink. A while later, while on my break, I’m sitting down at the bar eating. On his way out he makes this final remark.)

Regular: “Looks like your blush has worn off.”


When Single Becomes Double

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Love/Romance, Popular

(I’m working as a barista in a coffee shop. A man comes up to my counter.)

Customer: “Can I get an Americano with a single shot of espresso?”

(I send his drink into the queue and my coworker makes the drink while I continue to take orders.)

Coworker: “I got a hot Americano, single!”

Teenage Girl: *waiting for her drink* “I’ll take him!”

(The man laughed and high fived the girl before taking his coffee and leaving. My coworker and I had a good laugh about the encounter.)


An Extra Order Of English Muffins

| IA, USA | Language & Words, Money, Popular

(My senior year of high school, I worked in a very small diner in a very small town. I make a bet with my manager that I can convince a table that I am from England. One Saturday morning, he seats an elderly couple and tells me that it was their first time in the restaurant. I took this as my cue.)

Me: *in a very thick, fake English accent* “Good morning! May I get you something to drink?”

Customer #1: “Are you English?!”

Me: *laughs* “Yes. My father moved here a few years ago and I’m visiting him for a few months.”

Customer #2: “Poor girl. Came all the way across the ocean just to work in a diner. We’ll have coffee, dear.”

Me: “All right. I’ll have that right out to you.”

(I get them their drinks and take their order when another table walks in and sits directly behind them. I go up and get their drink order in my normal voice, knowing that the other table can hear me. Throughout their stay, I alternate accents. The second table, after I explain to them what I am doing, laugh and wish me luck. During their meal, they ask me all sorts of questions such as where I came from, what it’s like in the United Kingdom, and such. Having never actually BEEN there, I went off what little knowledge I actually had to answer their questions.)

Customer #1: *to my manager on their way out* “You treat her nice now! She came all the way from England!”

Customer #2: *hands me $20* “Enjoy your stay here, young lady.”

(After they leave.)

Manager: “What just happened?”

Me: “I do believe I just won that bet, sir.”

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