Category: Language & Words

This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

I Pronounce Thee Idiot

, | NY, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

Customer: *over dressed for our grocery store location, and speaking with the sort of tone you normally reserve for children* “Give me three la-Zaa-nya squares, an eggplant salad, and one bru-Skeee-ta.

(The customer throws on a really thick, and sudden accent when pronouncing the food. He smiles at me in a way that makes me think I’m supposed to be impressed by this.)

Me: *punching in the order, and repeating it back using the accepted American pronunciation of the words ‘lasagna ‘ and ‘bruschetta* “Three lasagna squares, one large eggplant salad, one bruschetta.”

Customer: “Bru-Skeeeeh-ta” *he drags out the pronunciation even more*

Me: “One bruschetta.” *I agree, again, as per our store policy*

Customer: *looking self important* “It’s actually an Italian word? See if it were German, you would say it the way you’re saying it, but it’s not. Bru-SKEH-ta. See?”

Me: “If you say so, sir.” *getting his order ready, at this point, I’m too tired to deal with him*

Customer: “It’s just like ‘SPUH-geeh-tee’.” He grins at me.

Me: “Of course, sir.”

Customer: “You look like a nice Italian girl. Don’t you want to learn the language?”

Me: *handing him his food* “I’m a boy, sir.”

(His face dropped, and turned an interesting shade of red. He snatched his food away and spit something in what I could only presume is very overly-pronounced Italian at me, before hurrying away.)

Unable To Please You

| Lancashire, England, UK | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Language & Words

(I am a cashier. Two customers approach the counter; one of them has an item of fruit.)

Customer #1: “Is this [price #1]?”

Me: “No, sir, it’s [price #2].”

Customer #2: *in a stern tone* “Please.”

Me: “…sorry?”

Customer #1: “So you should be. You say please when you tell me the price.”

Me: “It’s [price #2]… please?”

Customer #2: “That’s better.” *to Customer #1* “Don’t they teach people manners these days?”

(They put down the fruit and walk off.)

Me: “But… I… I was answering a question.”

Toying With The Name

| Waxahachie, TX, USA | Bigotry, Family & Kids, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(An elderly man brings in his four-year-old grandson for a toy.)

Grandpa: “Okay, [Grandson], pick out a toy.”

(The grandson starts looking around frantically at the shelf, spots a toy, and starts hopping around excitedly and pointing:)

Grandson: “Grandpa! Grandpa! I want a g**d*** wing!”

Grandpa: *looking from surprise to anger at once, about to smack the grandson while crying out* “What the h*** did you just say?!”

Me: *runs up quickly and intervenes* “Whoa, whoa, whoa! He was meaning Gundum wing.”

Grandpa: *staring at the shelf looking disgruntled* “D*** Japs did it on purpose.”

Don’t Have Baggage About Types Of Baggage, Part 2

| MI, USA | At The Checkout, Language & Words, Popular

(I am a cashier at a local grocery store. This exchange happens between the customer and my bagger.)

Bagger: “Sir, would you like paper or plastic?”

Customer: “Either way works; I’m bag-sexual.”

Me: *stifled laughter*

Related:
Don’t Have Baggage About Types Of Baggage

You Too Too Much

| TX, USA | Bizarre, Language & Words

(This happens multiple times a day, every day, without fail: A customer hands drops off a prepaid package.)

Me: “This will go out today.”

Customer: “Thanks, you too!”

Page 1/8612345...Last