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Category: Language & Words

This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

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Not Going To Slug It Out With You

| Melton Mowbray, England, UK | Home Improvement, Language & Words, Popular

(I am the customer in this story. I am exhausted from lack of sleep and have nipped out to get slug killer after finding slugs in the garden. I pick up two large containers and a bottle of ant killer too. I am a small female. Upon going to the checkout.)

Till Lady: “Good morning, how are you?”

Me: *calmly* “I’m going on a murderous rampage.”

Till Lady: *eyes go wide*

Me: “In my garden. Slugs and ants can suck it today!”

Till Lady: *pause* “Do you want a bag?”

(Sorry for scaring you!)

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Arrested For J-Writing

, | CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words, Popular

Me: “All right, sir. If I could have your first and last name for the receipt?”

Customer: “Fred [Last Name].”

Me: “Oh, I don’t know how to spell that. Could you please spell it out for me?”

Customer: “J, E—”

Me: *writes JE*

Customer: “No, ‘J.'”

Me: *looks at receipt*

Customer: “No! It’s a ‘J!'”

Me: “Umm… This is a ‘J,’ sir.”

Customer: “No, you stupid girl. ‘J’ as in green!”

Me: *sighs* “Oh, you meant a ‘G.'” *finishes writing the receipt*

Customer: “You shouldn’t work here if you don’t know the alphabet.”

Me: “Have a nice day.”

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She Hears Literally Everything

| Fort Wayne, IN, USA | Language & Words, Popular

(I am a driver for a ride-sharing service. On this evening, I pick up a young lady from one bar and I’m driving her to another bar. On the way, she calls a friend to come join her, but they apparently want to stay home.)

Rider: “What are you just sitting at home for?! Come on! You’re killing me! I’m literally dying inside!”

Me: *mumbling quietly to myself* “No, you’re figuratively dying inside.”

Rider: *to me* “Figuratively! Yes! Thank you, driver!” *into phone* “I’m FIGURATIVELY dying inside!”

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