Category: Hotels & Lodging

A good hotel prides itself on providing a decent service to all its guests. But when its guests are our stupid customers, there is very little they can do to remedy the situation except pray they’re fully booked the next time they come around!

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Suffers From Bad Timing

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Time, Transportation

(I work in a hotel that offers a complimentary shuttle to the local area from 7 am to 10 pm. At 6:30 in the evening a guest comes down to inquire about our service.)

Me: “Hi! How can I help you?”

Guest: “What time does the seven o’clock shuttle leave?”

(After a brief moment of silence.)

Me: “The seven o’clock shuttle normally leaves at seven o’clock.”

Guest: “Okay, so that’s seven pm right?”

Me: “Yes. The seven o’clock shuttle leaves twice a day. One at seven am and the other at seven pm.”

Guest: “I thought your shuttle runs more than that.”

Me: “It does, but it would no longer be the seven o’clock shuttle. Instead it would be the eight or nine o’clock one depending on when it was leaving.”

Guest: “Oh, I see. I didn’t realize you had more than one shuttle.”

(I remained silent as the guest walked away.)

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Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 25

| OR, USA | Bizarre, Hotels & Lodging, Popular, Technology

(I work front desk at a hotel.)

Me: “Front desk. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Guest: “Yes, I was just wondering if you could maybe turn down the wifi?”

Me: “I’m sorry… Could you repeat your question?”

Guest: “Yeah, could you please turn the wifi down?”

Me: “I’m sorry; you want me to turn the wifi down? Are you having trouble connecting to the Internet?”

Guest: “No, I want it off!”

Me: “Well, I can’t turn it off; otherwise the other guests won’t have any Internet either.”

Guest: “Well, could you at least turn it down a bit, then?”

Me: “If you don’t want any Internet you can simply disconnect any devices you have from the wifi, but I can’t turn it down.”

Guest: *grunts and gives a deep sigh* “Okay, obviously you have no idea what wifi is.”

(The guest hangs up and a few hours later he comes up to the front desk and wants to check out a day early.)

Me: “Was there something wrong with the room that I could help you with?”

Guest: “Yeah, I want to get out of here because your d*** wifi is so strong! Maybe you should turn it down a bit so people can get some rest!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir; I really don’t understand what you mean.”

Guest: “I’m leaving because I have a headache! If you had just turned down the f***ing wifi like I asked my head wouldn’t hurt so much!”

Me: “I’m… sorry?”

(The guest left in a rage and when I told my manager what had happened he laughed and agreed that he had no idea what was wrong with that guy.)

Related:
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 24
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 23
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 22

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Probably Not Adhering To The Lobby Dress-Code

| Minneapolis, MN, USA | Family & Kids, Hotels & Lodging, Love/Romance, Popular

(I check in a young, very attractive couple on a Friday evening.)

Me: “That’s it; you’re all set. Enjoy your stay!”

Girl: “Oh, we will. I’m touring my boyfriend’s college and he decided to make it a romantic night instead of staying in his dorm!”

(Come Sunday I’m working the desk when I see the young man running through the lobby, completely naked. Hot on his heels is an older man, and following him is the girl also very naked.)

Girl: *yelling* “Dad, stop!”

(Security managed to stop the dad, but the boyfriend was out the door and down the street before they could stop him. The police brought him back a few hours later, laughing their asses off. Apparently Dad had gotten a fraud alert when his daughter used her card out of state and had noticed some interesting purchases. Mom came in a few days later and made Dad apologize.)

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Not Enough (Bath)Room

| TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Hotels & Lodging

(We sometimes host summer camps for kids in our dormitory over the summer when there are not students living here. I am checking in an adult man who is here as a counselor.)

Me: “All right, you’re in room 291. That’s on the second floor, and here’s your room key. This is your meal card; it will work in our upstairs dining hall. The elevators are to your right.”

(The man goes to his room. About 15 minutes later, he’s back.)

Customer: “Where is the bathroom, and what’s the code?”

(Our community bathrooms require people to punch a code into the door so that only men can get into the men’s bathroom and only women can get into the women’s bathroom.)

Me: “You’re in 291, right?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “291 has a connecting bath. It’s in the room.”

Customer: “Really? I didn’t see it.”

Me: “Let me check for you.” *I pull up the floor plan and confirm that his room is does indeed have a connecting bath.* “Yes, sir, you do have a connecting bath. You’ll share it with the person in the next room over like a Jack-and-Jill bathroom. When you walk into your room, there will be two closets on your right and then a brown door. That door leads to the bathroom.”

Customer: “Oh, thanks.” *walks away.*

Coworker: “Did he really miss that?”

Me: “Apparently. I’m not sure how since it’s a 14 x 14 foot room.”

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Will Go Crazy At This Rate

| UK | Hotels & Lodging, Popular

(I walk into my hotel to check in when I see the receptionist hold up her hand to acknowledge me with a smile as she is taking a phone call. She has a very fixed smile on her face.)

Receptionist: “No, sir. I am sorry, our room rates start at £60 a night with bed and breakfast. I’m afraid we wouldn’t be able to give you a rate of £50. Yes, sir, I am checking your name now. The last time you stayed with us was June last year when the rate was lower.”

(I can hear the guy on the other end now getting angrier and the receptionist is smiling serenely the whole damn time.)

Receptionist: “Unfortunately, sir, my superior has left the office for the day… No, sir, I cannot call her… No, sir, you cannot have her number to call her… Unfortunately, sir, I am unable to adjust the rate… I can appreciate your predicament, sir, but I am unable to lower the rate as it is a set rate.”

(At this point, I can actually hear the guy swearing down the phone at the receptionist and she’s just smiling.)

Receptionist: “Thank you, sir. I will of course pass on those comments. I am sure they will help my supervisor with my staff appraisal. Have a good day, sir. ‘Bye.” *she takes a deep breath, smiles at me, and says* “Every Saturday… Can I help you, sir?”

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