Category: Hotels & Lodging

A good hotel prides itself on providing a decent service to all its guests. But when its guests are our stupid customers, there is very little they can do to remedy the situation except pray they’re fully booked the next time they come around!

Turning Water Into Wine And Back Again

| Germany | Food & Drink, Hotels & Lodging

(At check-in we offer our guests a free welcome drink. Normally this is prosecco (Italian sparkling wine) but we also have sparkling water if the guest does not drink alcohol.)

Me: “Welcome to the hotel! Can we offer you a prosecco on the house?” *seeing difficult look* “Or would you like sparkling water?”

Guest: “Yes.”

Me: “The prosecco or the water?”

Guest: “Yes.”

Me: “It is your choice, madam, would you like the sparkling wine or the water?”

Guest: *agitated* “Yehesss….”

(My coworker just starts pouring a prosecco without further comment. The husband of the guest enters the hotel.)

Guest: *to husband* “Those two here really wanted to confuse me just now!”

Boasting About His French Fry

| Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | Hotels & Lodging, Rude & Risque

(The hotel I work at is very close to a rugby stadium and as a result, the hotel is packed during national games. I am the only member of staff who can speak French, and have to translate all day during the France vs. Scotland game.)

Guest: *in French* “Your coworker is cute.”

Me: *in French* “How nice of you to say. Can I take your order?”

Guest: *in French* “Can you tell her something from me?”

Me: *in French* “I suppose so…”

(At this point my coworker has noticed him looking at her.)

Guest: *in French* “Tell your friend the reason I have such a huge belly, is to hide my massive penis!”

(He and his friends laughed as I took their order and walked away. I decided to wait until after our shift to tell my coworker what he had said.)

Not Exactly Cooking Up A Compliment

| ON, Canada | Food & Drink, Health & Body, Hotels & Lodging

(I’m a late 20s male working at a downtown hotel. This exchange happens between me and a somewhat regular guest:)

Guest: “Are you married?”

Me: *hesitantly* “No… I’m not.”

Guest: “Oh, so you have to cook for yourself, then?”

Me: *relieved* “Oh, yes. Yes, I do.”

Guest: “Oh, well from the looks of it, you’re a good cook!”

Me: *speechless*