Category: Hotels & Lodging

A good hotel prides itself on providing a decent service to all its guests. But when its guests are our stupid customers, there is very little they can do to remedy the situation except pray they’re fully booked the next time they come around!

icon_money

When Religion A-tax

| GA, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Money, Popular, Religion

(I’m the night auditor/overnight clerk at a random hotel adjacent to the interstate in Georgia. A potential client comes in around one am.)

Customer: “I’d like to rent a room.”

Me: “I have space available. Tonight’s price is [total] plus state and local tax.”

Customer: “I don’t have to pay tax.”

(Customer presents tax exemption form from Florida, naming a church, which exempts church activities from Florida state taxes.)

Me: “Well, I’m not familiar with Florida tax rules, but this doesn’t exempt Georgia taxes. I can’t waive them with this form.”

Customer: “You’re going to Hell.”

Me: “I’ve been through an audit. Hell sounds better. But if you are here on official business, it’s a simple matter to file for a refund in Georgia. I’m afraid that I can’t waive sales and use tax with these forms.”

Customer: “Thou whited sepulcher.”

Me: “Render unto Caesar.”

Customer: “God is going to smite you!”

Me: “I’ll be glad to rent a room to you, at [total] rate, plus tax. If you won’t pay the taxes, I’m afraid I can’t help you.”

Customer: “I don’t pay taxes! God’s people don’t pay taxes! If anyone calls for me, forward my calls to [Hotel across the street, which also collects proper taxes.] Good evening!”

Next Customer In Line: “What do you drink? You dealt with that like someone who drinks after work!”

(The next customer checked in, paid for his room and taxes, and came to the lobby an hour later with a six-pack for me.)

icon_hotels

Alarmingly Good Service

| GA, USA | Awesome Workers, Hotels & Lodging, Popular

(It is two am at a budget hotel next to a busy interstate. I’ve just booked a tired lady into a room, ensuring that she and her car were near the lobby so that I could keep an eye on a lone woman as she entered the building.)

Me: “Would you like for me to set a wake up alarm for the morning? I can set two, if you’re afraid you’ll go back to sleep.”

Guest: “That would be great. 8:30?”

Me: “Sure! And we serve breakfast and coffee here in the lobby until 9:30. You also have a coffeemaker in your room, if you don’t want to face the world without caffeine. Would you like an extra coffee pod for in-room?”

Guest: “You’re doing this all wrong.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Guest: *with a very tired smile* “I just phoned my husband, telling him where I was, and complaining about dealing with a surly, clueless night clerk. And here you are, being pleasant and helpful; you’re doing this all wrong!”

Me: “I apologize. I’ll be abrasive next time, when you aren’t so tired.”

icon_hotels

Gonna Party Like You’re In Room 1999

| USA | Bad Behavior, Hotels & Lodging, Popular

(A young man dressed up like he’s going to a party checks in. After few moments, we get a few noise complaints about people talking loudly and yelling and playing music from his room. It’s one am and the hotel is sold out.)

Me: “Excuse me, but you can’t have this much people in your room. Plus, all your neighbors are complaining.”

Young Man: “But it’s my birthday!”

Me: “That’s nice, but we can’t have you disturbing others.”

(He nods, but the complaints keep coming.)

Me: “I’m serious; I will have you thrown out if you don’t let others get their sleep. If you want to party, go to a bar or club.”

Young Man: “But it’s my birthday! And all the bars are closed and the clubs are too far from here.”

Me: *fed up* “I don’t care. You must do as I ask or else.”

Young Man: “But it’s my birthday! Plus it was my friend being loud, not me.”

Me: “As payer, you are responsible for your friends.”

(He nodded but didn’t listen. Finally, I told security to throw him out. Too bad he had to be thrown out on his butt on the street on his birthday and out $250. Moral: hotels are not party houses.)

icon_hotels

Great Disorder

| Eilat, Israel | Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging

(We are notified that a very difficult returning guest is expected, and to confirm her expected arrival to anyone who calls. After check-in she calls the switchboard.)

Guest: “Were there any calls for me?”

Me: “Yes, madam.”

Guest: “Are there any messages?”

Me: “No, madam.”

Guest: *commanding* “Why didn’t you tell them to leave a message?”

Me: *shocked* “Madam! I can’t order anyone to do anything!”

Guest: *pause* “Well… that’s true.”

icon_hotels

Ladies Of The Night Plight

| USA | Bad Behavior, Hotels & Lodging

(My coworker and I are working late night at our hotel. Around one am, this young woman walks in.)

Coworker: “Hello, may I help?”

Young Woman: “Yes, I need to go to Mr. [Name]’s room. What is his room number?”

(Due to our privacy policy, we cannot give out guest’s room numbers. My coworker tells her this.)

Young Woman: “Well, he just called me, like, 15 minutes ago and told me to come over. Can you call his room?”

Coworker: “Sure, we can do that.”

(He dials the room and there is no answer.)

Young Woman: “Ugh, this is so frustrating! Can you go and knock on his door or something?!”

Coworker: “No, we can’t do that. Does he have a cellphone number you can call?”

Young Woman: “No! I can’t call his cellphone!”

(At this point, we’re wondering if this woman is this guy’s secret mistress or something. According to his reservation, he’s on government-paid business. Finally, my coworker decides to go up to the guy’s room and knock. This is what he said happens.)

Coworker: *finds guy’s room wide open* “Hello? Mr. [Name]?” *sees him passed out on the bed, snoring* “Mr. [Name]! Mr. [Name]!”

(He didn’t respond, so my coworker figured that he was waiting for this young woman, and intentionally left his room open for her. But anyone could’ve walked in and stolen all his stuff! His laptop and wallet were lying in plain sight. People’s stupidity boggles me.)

Page 5/50First...34567...Last