Category: Hotels & Lodging

A good hotel prides itself on providing a decent service to all its guests. But when its guests are our stupid customers, there is very little they can do to remedy the situation except pray they’re fully booked the next time they come around!

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In A Butter Bother

| Clute, TX, USA | Bizarre, Hotels & Lodging

(I am the customer. I have brought peanut butter and bread to a hotel room, but have not brought a knife. Looking around the room, I have found a ballpoint pen, and am intending to use it as a spreader. My cousin, who I am sharing the room with, asks:)

Cousin: “Are you sure that’s sanitary?”

Me: “I’ll check.”

(I call the front desk.)

Front Desk: “Hello?”

Me: “Hi. How sanitary are your pens?”

Front Desk: “What?”

Me: “The pens. The ballpoint pens. I’m seeing if I can use them as peanut butter spreaders.”

Front Desk: “I don’t know. Some people take them home, and some of them just come off a cart… We have butter knives!”

Me: “Are they complimentary?”

Front Desk: “Sure.”

Me: “Can you send them up?”

Front Desk: “Sure.”

(They did!)

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Doctor “Do Not Disturb”

| USA | Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging

(A customer comes up to the desk in the morning and informs us that his toilet is broken, and tells us to look at it. Hours later, the customer comes back and informs us very impolitely that his toilet is still broken.)

Me: “I do apologize for that, sir… but when our maintenance man went up to fix it, he was stopped by a Do Not Disturb sign on your door.”

Customer: *rolls eyes and throw hands up exaggeratedly* “THAT was for the housekeeper, not the maintenance man! I put it up because I didn’t want my room cleaned! Obviously, I want my toilet fixed!”

Me: “I apologize, Mr. [Customer], but it is our policy not to disturb guests who do not want to be disturbed. We could get into trouble if we did.”

Customer: *waving hands in air* “It’s Doctor [Customer]! I have a PhD! So, now you want to blame me for my toilet not being fixed, and you don’t even address me right?! You know what I’m going to do? Complain on the customer complaint line about how poorly run this hotel is! Yessirree!”

Me: “Ok, sir….”

Customer: “I’m a doctor, not a ‘sir’!” *storms off*

(He did complain and his complaints were laughed off.)

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Customers Like This Is Why You Need A Holiday

| Germany | Crazy Requests, Holidays, Hotels & Lodging

(Every year, we close the hotel for our annual holiday for 4-5 weeks mid-November to mid-December. This is widely published everywhere. We have a promotion with a well-known tour operator who issues vouchers for a menu for two. We get very little money for these vouchers, but it is good publicity and people have to book in advance for a date that suits both parties.)

Caller: “I have a voucher from [Tour Company], and I would like to book a table for [date].”

Me: “Sorry, that date is during our annual holiday. The hotel is closed at that time.”

Caller: “But I so wanted to come and eat at your restaurant.”

Me: “Sorry, we are closed at that time of year; can I offer you a booking for another date?”

Caller:“No, I want that date. Why is that not possible?”

Me: “The hotel is dark and cold, there are no supplies, the cold storage and everything is switched off, and the staff is on holiday.”

Caller: “Well, can’t you come back from holiday and open the restaurant for me?”

Me: “Sorry, but it is just logistically not possible.”

Caller:“That is lousy customer service. I demand you open your restaurant for me on that date I want.”

Me: “You expect me to fly back from Turkey on day eight of my two-week sightseeing tour, to reopen the hotel especially so you can have dinner with your voucher?”

Caller: “Yes! Now, that was not so hard, was it?”

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Doesn’t Score The Hotel Goal

| San Antonio, TX, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Wild & Unruly

(I work at a reservation center for a big chain hotel company. It’s nationwide and all of our calls are from all over. When you call, we ask for the hotel, dates, and any type of rate that you may qualify for or be calling about. Whatever hotel that a group is booked at is the ONLY one that will have that group rate. One day a guest calls and doesn’t really know exactly what he’s looking for.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

Guest: “Uh, yeah, uh, I need to reserve a room for my son’s soccer tournament.”

Me: “Okay, what hotel are you looking for, sir?”

Guest: “It’s the Union Square.” *we have three different hotels called Union Square*

Me: “Okay, and which one?”

Guest: “THE UNION SQUARE!”

Me: “Sir, we have more than one Union Square so I’ll need to know which one. We have three, actually.”

Guest: “Oh, there’s more than one? Uh… the… uh… [Hotel Brand].”

Me: “Okay, and what are the dates?”

(He gives me the dates and I begin to read the rates to him.)

Guest: “NO! NO! NO! That’s not right; we have a discount.”

Me: “Oh, okay. Do you guys have a room block set aside?”

Guest: “Uh I don’t know, but they said to say were with [Group] and we get a better rate.”

Me: “Did they send an email with the information or anything? They usually send out something letting you know.”

Guest: “Oh, yeah; should I read that and see if it’s on there?”

Me: “Yes. If it gives you more information, then, yes, read the email so we can book it.”

Guest: “Uh, okay.” *reads off some info that he finds*

Me: *putting two and two together I figure out it’s a group* “Okay, I found it right here.”

(I give him the rates and he accepts. In order to even send a reservation, we need information like name, billing zip, card number to hold, and email to send you the confirmation number of your reservation. I get almost through when his attitude returns.)

Me: “Okay, I need your billing zip code, please?”

Guest: “FOR WHAT?! WHAT DO YOU THAT FOR?!”

Me: “Sir, we need the zip code to match the card we use to hold the room.”

(He complies.)

Me: “Okay, and the email address to send your confirmation number to once we’re done here?”

Guest: “OH, YOU’RE GONNA SEND ME A BUNCH OF S*** AND OFFERS, AREN’T YOU?! I DON’T WANT THAT! CAN YOU NOT SEND THAT?!”

Me: *severely annoyed at this point* “SIR, it’s an automated system and all I can send is the confirmation number. I don’t send anything else. The email is just to sent the confirmation to you.”

Guest: “OH, WELL, HOW ABOUT I DON’T STAY WITH YOU SINCE YOUR ATTITUDE SUCKS, HUH? HOW ABOUT THAT?!”

Me: “That’s fine sir, I’ll get you over to customer care to make a complaint, then—”

Guest: “NO! NO! I’M NOT GONNA STAY WITH YOU BECAUSE OF YOUR S***TY ATTITUDE, SO HOW ABOUT I TAKE MY BUSINESS ELSEWHERE?!”

Me: *laughs* “Okay, good luck finding your group at another hotel, then!” *hangs up*

(Needless to say he didn’t get his reservation, so I guess he got to explain to little Timmy that he wouldn’t go to his tournament because Daddy was an a**-hole.)

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Take That Complaint Where The Sun Don’t Shine

| Puerto de Alcúdia, Balearic Islands, Spain | Extra Stupid, Hotels & Lodging, Tourists/Travel

(I am working the night-shift at the reception desk of a hotel. In come a family of four to check-in. Everything goes well, until, 15 minutes later, the father comes back.)

Customer: “I’m sorry, but you have to give us another room. This is not what we’ve booked.”

Me: *after having checked the information on the arrival’s sheet* “Well, you booked sea-view, and that room has full frontal sea-view.”

Customer: “No, we have no view at all. We are looking at a pitch black wall.”

Me: “Maybe that’s because it’s two o’clock in the morning.”

Customer: “Oh! So, tomorrow we are going to have sea-view?”

Me: “Yes, as soon as the sun rises you will have the most beautiful, unobstructed sea-view.”

Customer: “Oh, okay! Thanks.”

(The customer retreated a little more hastily than normal.)

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