Category: Hotels & Lodging

A good hotel prides itself on providing a decent service to all its guests. But when its guests are our stupid customers, there is very little they can do to remedy the situation except pray they’re fully booked the next time they come around!

Ditzy Ritzy

| Kansas City, KS, USA | Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging

(I work desk and audit at a chain hotel nearby a casino.)

Me: “[Hotel]! How may I be of service today?”

Caller: “Yes, I was wondering if you had shuttles to [Local Casino]?”

Me: “Yes, we offer free shuttle on weekends, 3 pm to 10:30 pm, to local areas.”

Caller: “Okay, I’d like to make a reservation.”

Me: “Great! What nights were you wanting?”

Caller: “[Nights].”

Me: “Okay, and what room type do you need? We have—”

Caller: “Just the cheapest room you have.”

Me: “Okay, our rate is $94.99.”

Caller: “Oh, your site it says [Other Amount.]”

Me: “Oh, are you certain you have the correct dates? Our rates fluctuate based on occupancy.”

Caller: “I know that! I stay at hotels all the time! Oh, it was on the wrong date. Now it says [Third Rate.]”

Me: “Is it possible that you are looking at the prepaid option? You can prepay that amount, but—”

Caller: “I know! I know! I stay at hotels ALL THE TIME. Jeez, isn’t that rate kind of high?”

(If you work or stay at hotels, you probably realize that this rate is not very high.)

Me: “We do offer certain discounts. Do you have [a few types of discounts], or anything similar?”

Caller: “Do you have a corporate discount?”

Me: “We offer discounts with different companies who often have guests stay with us, but not a discount for all companies. I’m sorry.”

Caller: “Do you have one with [Company]?”

Me: “I’m afraid we do not, sir.”

Caller: “What about a gambler’s discount?”

(I laugh a little because I think he’s joking. Tragically, he is not.)

Caller: “So, you don’t?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry we do not have a discount for gamblers.”

Caller: “This is ridiculous! I’ve stayed at the top hotels in the country and they were never this high! I really need to stay here, but your prices are outrageous!”

Me: “I’m terribly sorry, sir. We have a higher occupancy for those nights, so as you’re aware, the rate will inflate. We have a 4 pm cancellation policy on the day of arrival, so we could always make the reservation and you can cancel if you find something you’re happier with.”

Caller: “Yeah…”

(I made his reservation and told some of my coworkers about it the next time I saw them. It’s become a joke; how our Midwestern limited service hotel is more expensive than “the top hotels in the country!”)

Blow That Idea Right Out The Window

| Montréal, QC, Canada | Criminal & Illegal, Health & Body, Hotels & Lodging

(I work at one of the very few hotels that still has smoking rooms and so have to ask every guest who does not mention his or her preference up-front which type of room they want.)

Me: “Would you like a smoking or non-smoking room”

Guest: *with what looks like a genuinely confused look on his face* “Well… what’s the difference?”

Me: “Uh… you are allowed to smoke in a smoking room. If you smoke in a non-smoking room, we charge you a $250.00 fine for doing so.”

Guest: *visibly hesitant* “Really… uh… hmm!… And what is the difference in rates between the smoking and non-smoking?”

Me: *still maintaining my professionally patient tone of voice* “Smoking rooms are only $5.00 more per day, sir.”

Guest: *seemingly thinking it over much longer then he should need to* “How about if I take the non-smoking room and blow the smoke out the window? You wouldn’t charge me for that would you?”

(Wanting to bang my head on the counter, I stop short of it by simply nodding my head ‘Yes’ with a most serious look on my face.)

Guest: “Oh!… I… guess I’ll take the smoking room, then.”

Me: “WISE choice, sir!”

Trying To Break Breakfast

| USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Hotels & Lodging

(I work the very early morning shift. Breakfast time is not for another three hours, so I take a bagel and stick it in the toaster for my breakfast. Then I go to the back to cook. When I return, my bagel is gone and there a young man in his 20s with crumbs all over his smiling mouth.)

Young Man: “Hello!”

Me: “Good morning.” *looking everywhere* “Where is my bagel?”

Young Man: “Oh, I ate it.”

Me: “…”

(I’m struggling to keep my temper at someone who might be staying as a guest, so I can’t talk for a few moments. Meanwhile the man keeps smiling foolishly.)

Me: “I see… Do you always eat food that isn’t yours? That was my bagel.”

Young Man: “Oh! Sorry! I didn’t know it was yours. I just thought someone had left and forgotten about it. I’m really sorry.”

Me: “Ok… I accept.”

(I continue my job.)

Young Man: “Can I have another?”

Me: “No… breakfast isn’t until three hours. You’ll have to wait.”

Young Man: “This is about me eating your bagel, right? I already said sorry. Now please, I want another! I can’t help it. I’m hungry!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I have to follow the rules. And they say no breakfast served until [time].”

(He continued to pester me, both pleading and apologizing, until he finally stormed off. Turned out, he wasn’t even staying there as a guest!)