Category: Hotels & Lodging

A good hotel prides itself on providing a decent service to all its guests. But when its guests are our stupid customers, there is very little they can do to remedy the situation except pray they’re fully booked the next time they come around!

Weeding Out The Bad Guests

| USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Hotels & Lodging

(It is about two in the morning when I get a call from one of the rooms.)

Guest: “Excuse me, but I smell WEED! Someone’s smoking!”

Me: “I’m very sorry about that, ma’am. We are a non smoking hotel.”

Guest: *shrilly* “That’s it? Aren’t you going to go and catch the person who’s doing it? It’s illegal here, isn’t it?”

Me: “Yes it is, but it’s two in the morning and there’s no one here but me. I can’t leave the front desk and go about sniffing for who has done it.”

Guest: “Well, I never! This is unacceptable that you would support illegal practices here!”

Me: “We do not and the only thing I can do is apologize and offer to change your room.”

Guest: “I’m not moving. What else can you do? Surely there’s something?”

Me: “Like I said, I cannot figure out who is smoking, and everything will have to be done in the morning when the housekeepers are here so we can find out who is smoking in this non-smoking hotel.”

Guest: “So you can’t do anything about this?!”

Me: “No, I can’t.”

Guest: *begins screaming, and then finally hangs up*

(She called three times after that, ranting and raving, before finally going to sleep, I guess. I don’t smoke, so I don’t know if she was telling the truth or not. I leave a note for the managers about it, and the next day, I arrive for my shift and the manager is there.)

Me: “Did housekeepers ever find out which room was smoking?”

Manager: “Yes. Hers. Turns out her teen son was doing it in his room. She went ballistic at US instead of him… We threw them out and called the police.”

She Has Taken The Black

| Scotland, UK | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Hotels & Lodging

(I am a breakfast chef at a five-star hotel. We have a lot of North American customers who are unfamiliar with some popular European foods. A waiter draws my attention to an order they have just taken.)

Waiter: “Vegetarian breakfast with black pudding. I tried explaining but she just shoo-ed me away.”

(Black pudding is made from pigs’ blood.)

Me: “Do you want to check again, that she’s sure?”

(The waiter goes off to check again with the customer and returns a minute later.)

Waiter: “She’s sure. She ate it before and it was delicious. And she isn’t very happy at her order being questioned.”

Me: “I’ll just go and check.”

(I go to the customer’s table.)

Me: “Are you a vegetarian, ma’am?”

Guest: “Yes. Yes, I am.”

Me: “Are you aware of what black pudding is?”

Guest: “Look, I had it for the first time a few days ago and it was delicious. Now, just get me my d*** breakfast.”

Me: “Can I just explain…”

(I go into the full details of how black pudding is made, with the boiling of the pigs’ blood, the addition of oatmeal and diced pig fat, etc. I note the customer going greener and greener as the story goes on.)

Guest: “Actually, could I just have cereal and toast, please?”

Alpha Male Is O-Mega A**-Hole

| Belgium | Hotels & Lodging

(I’m working front desk at a mid-range hotel. In this hotel the front desk staff also runs the bar. A couple of business guests walk into the bar and take a seat. My colleague points one of them out for being a real a** at check-in. I clearly recognise the alpha male. This dude takes a seat and puts his feet on the table.)

Me: *kindly* “Sir, can you please remove your feet from the table?”

Alpha Male: “Nope. I paid to stay here, so I can put my feet wherever I like.”

Me: *irritated* “Well, sir, that’s twisted logic. I pay my road tax and car insurance every year, yet that doesn’t mean I can drive faster than the speed limit or park my car wherever I like. So, could you please remove your feet from the table?”

Alpha Male: *mumbles something I can’t understand but leaves his feet on the table*

Me: “Okay, sir, I can’t make you remove your feet from the table; however what I can do is refuse service. And since in that case your colleagues will probably order drinks for you, I’m refusing service to you and ALL of your colleagues.”

Alpha Male: *removes feet from table* “Your manager will hear about this in the morning!”

Me: “He will hear about what? Me teaching you some manners?”

(As far as I know, he never spoke to my manager.)