Category: Hotels & Lodging

A good hotel prides itself on providing a decent service to all its guests. But when its guests are our stupid customers, there is very little they can do to remedy the situation except pray they’re fully booked the next time they come around!

The Vegetarian Contrarian

| TN, USA | Food & Drink, Hotels & Lodging

(I work as a concierge at a very upscale hotel. Guests from out of town usually trust my word completely, but every now and again, a guest tries to best me with their knowledge from online reviews.)

Guest: “Hi, I have a list of four Cajun restaurants in the city, and I’d like to run them by you.”

Me: “Of course, go right ahead!”

(The guest then names a popular vegetarian-friendly restaurant with one nearby location.)

Guest: “But I saw on the website that one location only had a vegetarian menu.”

Me: “That is one of my favorite places for cajun, and their menu is vegetar—”

Guest: “And I don’t want vegetarian. My husband needs to try real Cajun!”

Me: “Yes ma’am, I understand. Their menu is vegetarian-friendly, but they still have plenty of meat options.”

Guest: “I don’t want the location that’s vegetarian, and I saw on the website that one of them is vegetarian only.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, while both locations are vegetarian-friendly, they will still have the meat options for you. There is a location just one block away on [Street] that—”

Guest: *In a condescending, pointed tone* “I don’t mean to contradict you, but I saw on the website that-” *location one block away* “-is the one that is vegetarian only.”

Me: *folding my hands politely in front of me* “I had chicken there two weeks ago.”

Guest: “…”

Guest’s Husband: “So how do we get to that one now?”

Ditzy Ritzy

| Kansas City, KS, USA | Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging

(I work desk and audit at a chain hotel nearby a casino.)

Me: “[Hotel]! How may I be of service today?”

Caller: “Yes, I was wondering if you had shuttles to [Local Casino]?”

Me: “Yes, we offer free shuttle on weekends, 3 pm to 10:30 pm, to local areas.”

Caller: “Okay, I’d like to make a reservation.”

Me: “Great! What nights were you wanting?”

Caller: “[Nights].”

Me: “Okay, and what room type do you need? We have—”

Caller: “Just the cheapest room you have.”

Me: “Okay, our rate is $94.99.”

Caller: “Oh, your site it says [Other Amount.]”

Me: “Oh, are you certain you have the correct dates? Our rates fluctuate based on occupancy.”

Caller: “I know that! I stay at hotels all the time! Oh, it was on the wrong date. Now it says [Third Rate.]”

Me: “Is it possible that you are looking at the prepaid option? You can prepay that amount, but—”

Caller: “I know! I know! I stay at hotels ALL THE TIME. Jeez, isn’t that rate kind of high?”

(If you work or stay at hotels, you probably realize that this rate is not very high.)

Me: “We do offer certain discounts. Do you have [a few types of discounts], or anything similar?”

Caller: “Do you have a corporate discount?”

Me: “We offer discounts with different companies who often have guests stay with us, but not a discount for all companies. I’m sorry.”

Caller: “Do you have one with [Company]?”

Me: “I’m afraid we do not, sir.”

Caller: “What about a gambler’s discount?”

(I laugh a little because I think he’s joking. Tragically, he is not.)

Caller: “So, you don’t?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry we do not have a discount for gamblers.”

Caller: “This is ridiculous! I’ve stayed at the top hotels in the country and they were never this high! I really need to stay here, but your prices are outrageous!”

Me: “I’m terribly sorry, sir. We have a higher occupancy for those nights, so as you’re aware, the rate will inflate. We have a 4 pm cancellation policy on the day of arrival, so we could always make the reservation and you can cancel if you find something you’re happier with.”

Caller: “Yeah…”

(I made his reservation and told some of my coworkers about it the next time I saw them. It’s become a joke; how our Midwestern limited service hotel is more expensive than “the top hotels in the country!”)

Blow That Idea Right Out The Window

| Montréal, QC, Canada | Criminal & Illegal, Health & Body, Hotels & Lodging

(I work at one of the very few hotels that still has smoking rooms and so have to ask every guest who does not mention his or her preference up-front which type of room they want.)

Me: “Would you like a smoking or non-smoking room”

Guest: *with what looks like a genuinely confused look on his face* “Well… what’s the difference?”

Me: “Uh… you are allowed to smoke in a smoking room. If you smoke in a non-smoking room, we charge you a $250.00 fine for doing so.”

Guest: *visibly hesitant* “Really… uh… hmm!… And what is the difference in rates between the smoking and non-smoking?”

Me: *still maintaining my professionally patient tone of voice* “Smoking rooms are only $5.00 more per day, sir.”

Guest: *seemingly thinking it over much longer then he should need to* “How about if I take the non-smoking room and blow the smoke out the window? You wouldn’t charge me for that would you?”

(Wanting to bang my head on the counter, I stop short of it by simply nodding my head ‘Yes’ with a most serious look on my face.)

Guest: “Oh!… I… guess I’ll take the smoking room, then.”

Me: “WISE choice, sir!”