Category: Home Improvement

Stupid customers still have to live somewhere. While we applaud them for sometimes wanting to make the place look nice, please don’t assume flat-pack furniture comes ready out of the box, or that power-tools are named as such because they need power! They make Tim The Toolman Taylor look like Frank Gehry!

Doesn’t Understand Your Conversion Metric

| Home Improvement, Math & Science

(Our store usually prints dimensions on the packaging in centimetres and so the staff are used to older customers having trouble converting to inches. A customer approaches myself and another staff member.)

Customer: “Excuse me, could you help me work out this curtain size?”

Me: “Sure, what do you need?”

Customer: “Well, I need a length 2.28 metres but this one says 228 centimetres. How do I convert that?”

Well, Tough Sheet

| Cambridge, MN, USA | Crazy Requests, Home Improvement

(I am working at the customer service desk when I see an older couple walking in carrying a large trash bag. When they get up to my desk, the first thing the woman pulls out is a gallon-size ziplock bag filled with lint.)

Customer: “We bought these flannel sheets the other day and look at all the lint that collected in the lint trap when I washed them!” *motioning to the bag of lint*

Me: *trying to think fast, as I do not clean out the lint trap on my dryer as often as I should* “Okay, is there something wrong with the sheets?”

Customer: “They shed too much. For [price] I would expect better. I want a refund.”

Me: *not trying to sound too know it all, or trying to avoid the refund, I say…* “These sheets are actually known for giving off a lot of lint on the first wash, but are great sheets after that. I am happy to refund your money, but perhaps you would like to give them a try?”

Customer: “This amount of lint could start our house on fire! NO! I do not want to try them. I want my money back!”

(I processed their return, putting the money back onto their store credit card. I later noticed them purchasing at the registers the same exact set of sheets in a different color, and I wondered how long until they brought me a new bag of lint.)

Was On A Dozen Margarita’s When Ordering

| CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Home Improvement

(I work for a company that imports and sells dinnerware to retail establishments. I am taking an order over the phone:)

Customer: “…and I’d like a dozen of these handmade margarita glasses.”

Me: “Okay. One dozen. So that you’re aware, these are hand-blown glasses and as such will have variations in color, size, and shape. Is that okay?”

Customer: “Yes, it says that in my catalog. The variations make it interesting!”

(A few weeks later I take another call from the same customer. I’m sure you can guess…)

Customer: “I need a return on these defective margarita glasses you sold me! They’re all different sizes! None of them match! They’re all different!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I told you they were hand-blown and would not match. You said that was okay.”

Customer: “Well that’s just false advertising! You should tell people they’re not going to match!”

Maybe You Should Sleep On It

| FL, USA | Home Improvement, Spouses & Partners

(An elderly couple comes in to buy a mattress. A coworker of mine is assisting them as they look at a new set.)

Husband: *examining mattress* “Is this mattress double-sided?”

Coworker: “Nope.”

Husband: “Oh… how do you know which side to sleep on?”

Coworker: “The side that has the quilt on it…”

Can’t Accept Your Sage Advice

| Columbus, OH, USA | Crazy Requests, Home Improvement

(I work in a store that sells goods for the home. It’s near closing time and I’m cleaning up the bedding.)

Customer: “Sweety, I hope you aren’t too busy, but I’m actually colorblind, and I really need some queen-size sheets in a sage green for my guest bedroom.”

Me: “Sure, no problem.” *picks up a sage green sheet set* “The are quite nice, and a high thread count.”

Customer: “No, no, no. That won’t do at all. They have to be SAGE Green.”

Me: “But… they are.”

Customer: “No, I can tell. Those aren’t sage green.”

(I am, by this point, completely perplexed. As she continues to deny every sage green sheet set I show her is actually sage green.)

Me: “Well, I do apologize, ma’am, but we don’t seem to have any sage green sheets in stock at the moment.”

Customer: “Well, this was a waste of time”

Me: *under my breath* “I know the feeling…”

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