Category: Home Improvement

Stupid customers still have to live somewhere. While we applaud them for sometimes wanting to make the place look nice, please don’t assume flat-pack furniture comes ready out of the box, or that power-tools are named as such because they need power! They make Tim The Toolman Taylor look like Frank Gehry!

Can’t Accept Your Sage Advice

| Columbus, OH, USA | Crazy Requests, Home Improvement

(I work in a store that sells goods for the home. It’s near closing time and I’m cleaning up the bedding.)

Customer: “Sweety, I hope you aren’t too busy, but I’m actually colorblind, and I really need some queen-size sheets in a sage green for my guest bedroom.”

Me: “Sure, no problem.” *picks up a sage green sheet set* “The are quite nice, and a high thread count.”

Customer: “No, no, no. That won’t do at all. They have to be SAGE Green.”

Me: “But… they are.”

Customer: “No, I can tell. Those aren’t sage green.”

(I am, by this point, completely perplexed. As she continues to deny every sage green sheet set I show her is actually sage green.)

Me: “Well, I do apologize, ma’am, but we don’t seem to have any sage green sheets in stock at the moment.”

Customer: “Well, this was a waste of time”

Me: *under my breath* “I know the feeling…”

The Mark Of A Bad Customer

| Australia | Crazy Requests, Home Improvement

(A customer comes to my counter with a roll of fabric.)

Customer: “Hi, I’d like two metres, please. But there’s a mark on the fabric.”

Me: “Not a problem. Just show me where the mark is and I can sort something out for you.”

(She shows me a really tiny pinhead-sized section of the fabric that is slightly lighter than the rest. You’d practically need a magnifying glass to even notice it.)

Me: “Oh, I wouldn’t worry about that. It will come right out in the wash.”

Customer: *horrified* “I’m not washing it!”

Me: “It’s a cotton fabric, ma’am. I highly recommend you pre-wash it. It will shrink a little bit the first time; if you sew it first the seams will pucker.”

Customer: “I am not having that bit with the mark!”

(It’s a cheap fabric, so I decide not to argue with her.)

Me: “Okay, well, I can give you a discount—”

Customer: “CUT THAT BIT WITH THE MARK OFF!”

(I had to cut off over a metre of fabric off just to avoid ‘the mark’, which we then had to put in our half-price box. Normally I’d let the customer keep the extra bit of fabric, but there was no way I was wasting it on her.)

Gunning For A Sale

| PA, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Home Improvement

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How may I direct your call?”

Customer: “Yeah, I was calling to see if you sell bullets?”

Me: “I’m sorry, could you repeat that?”

Customer: “Do you sell bullets? Like for reloading?”

Me: *thinking maybe he is confused and needs the ‘bullet’ CO2 cartridges we sell for some of our air-powered nailers* “Bullets… as in bullets for guns, or…?”

Customer: “Yes! Bullets! For shooting!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, we do not. We sell home improvement items and bullets are not a home improvement item.”

Customer: “…Are you sure?”