Category: Home Improvement

Stupid customers still have to live somewhere. While we applaud them for sometimes wanting to make the place look nice, please don’t assume flat-pack furniture comes ready out of the box, or that power-tools are named as such because they need power! They make Tim The Toolman Taylor look like Frank Gehry!

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Giving You His Two Cents… Twice

| USA | Home Improvement, Money

(I am working outside in the garden area. An older gentleman walks up to the counter.)

Me: “Hello! How are you today, sir? How may I help you?”

Customer: *a bit harshly* “I want two of those bags of cheap soil out there. They’re $1.57.”

Me: “The topsoil, sir? The white and brown one?”

Customer: *even more harsh* “Yes. I want two. They’re $1.57.”

Me: *cheerily* “Actually, sir, that sale is $1.55 a bag! You save four pennies!”

Customer: “No. I have purchased some before and they were ONE DOLLAR, FIFTY SEVEN CENTS.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Perhaps that was a different sale? Or perhaps you had been misinformed? You’ll be saving four pennies today…”

(He continued to argue while I gently kept trying to tell him that he was saving money. Eventually he threw his card at me, paid, and left. Perhaps I should have just let him overpay?)

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Glossing Over Your Valid Points

| Ireland | Family & Kids, Home Improvement, Popular

(A customer comes up to me with a five-litre tin of white satin finish paint.)

Customer: “Hey there, is this the right paint for painting wood?”

Me: “It is.”

Customer: “So it’s fine for painting my skirting boards?”

(I ask the woman a few follow up questions and I learn that her skirting boards are already painted with a high-gloss paint. I explain to her that if she wants to go for a satin finish, she would need to sand off the gloss paint entirely and start fresh with the satin finish.)

Customer: “F*** that! I ain’t doing all that work! Hold on, I’ll be back in a moment.”

(The woman goes off with the five-litre tin of paint and comes back with a small one-litre tin of gloss paint.)

Customer: “I’m not going redoing all my skirting boards! This will be fine for topping up the few bangs and scratches from the kids, right?”

Me: “Yep! If you’re happy with the gloss, there’s no reason to go doing all that work.”

(Another woman walks over, the customer’s sister, and slams the original five-litre tin of satin finish paint back onto the counter.)

Customer’s Sister: “YOU’RE GETTING THE WRONG PAINT!”

Customer: “Well, this girl told me that if I wanted to use that paint, I’d need to strip all my skirting boards.”

Customer’s Sister: “Yeah, so, and?”

Customer: “I’m not bothered doing that.”

Customer’s Sister: “BUT THIS ONE DOESN’T EVER YELLOW!”

Me: “Actually, it will eventually. Gloss finishes will yellow faster than satin finishes but, after a while, all those all oil based paints will start to yellow. I can show you our ‘Stay White’ range of wood paint if you like?”

Customer’s Sister: *to me* “YOU HAVEN’T A CLUE.” *turns to her sister* “DO YOU WANT MY HELP OR NOT?”

Customer: “Are you going to paint it for me?”

Customer’s Sister: “No! Of course not! I only told you that your skirting boards are yellow and that you need to repaint them! I put satin finish on my skirting boards six months ago and they still haven’t yellowed!”

Me: “Well, six months isn’t actually that long. It would take a lot longer than that for it to start to yellow.”

Customer’s Sister: *to me* “BE QUIET!” *to sister* “AM I WANTED HERE OR NOT?!”

Customer: “No, I’m fine with the paint I have here. Thanks, sis.”

(The woman’s sister stomps out of the shop muttering.)

Customer: “Don’t mind her; she gets a bit upset when people don’t take her advice, but she’s daft as f***. I don’t think my skirting boards look yellow anyway.”

Me: “Um… okay.”

(We finish the transaction as normal, the woman thanks me and leaves. My manager pokes her head out of the office.)

Manager: “What was all that about?”

Me: “I think I just started a family fight.”

(The strangest part came half-an-hour later when, after the shop had closed, I was sitting in my car, rooting through my bag and when I looked up, the woman’s sister was standing there giving me the finger!)

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Her Items Cannot Be Fabricated

| AR, USA | Crazy Requests, Home Improvement, Popular

(A woman was looking very disoriented in the crafting aisle, and so I went to approach her.)

Customer: “Do you have paint for a sign? I need a bucket.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we don’t carry paint in buckets. We have fabric glue, but not a bucket of it.”

Customer: “Oh.” *holds up her hands to approximate a huge sign* “I need paint for a sign this big.”

Me: “I’m afraid that we don’t carry paint for signs, ma’am. Any paint that we have in stock is intended for fabrics and is in small bottles. We are a crafts store, but we specialize in fabric.”

Customer: “That’s okay! I’ll just buy your paint and then a paintbrush, please.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m afraid that we don’t carry paintbrushes either. We are a crafts store, but we specialize in fabric. Have you tried going across the street to [Department Store]?”

(At this point the woman drops what she is carrying as if I offended her terribly.)

Customer: “No, I came HERE for crafts. Are you telling me that this fabric store can’t have someone go across the street and special order those paintbrushes here for me right now!?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am…”

Customer: “WHAT KIND OF A CRAFTS STORE IS THIS!?”

Me: “One that specializes in fabric, ma’am.”