Category: Home Improvement

Stupid customers still have to live somewhere. While we applaud them for sometimes wanting to make the place look nice, please don’t assume flat-pack furniture comes ready out of the box, or that power-tools are named as such because they need power! They make Tim The Toolman Taylor look like Frank Gehry!

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I’ve Just Been Planted Here

| Tucson, AZ, USA | Crazy Requests, Home Improvement

(I’ve been working at my job for about a week now. I’m in the garden section of our store, something I know next to nothing about, and generally only cash people out. This happens while I’m watering the plants before we close down the section.)

Customer: “Miss, can you tell me about the differences between these two types of cacti?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I’m a recent hire, and I don’t know much about our plants yet.”

Customer: “Well, you’re here, so you need to answer my question.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m still learning this section. I did not expect to be placed here when I was hired, and I’m usually only a cashier.”

Customer: “But I have a question; you have to answer it! You can’t work in a section you don’t know anything about!”

Me: “Well, seeing as how my boss put me here, yes, I can. I really know nothing about the plants. I don’t even know where everything is yet, and I’m only watering tonight because our usual guy called out.”

Customer: “They wouldn’t make you do a job you don’t know! You just don’t want to help me!”

Me: “Ma’am, I can call someone who knows more about these things, but I assure you, I do not.”

Customer: “BUT YOU’RE WATERING! YOU MUST BE A GARDEN EXPERT!”

Me: “Ma’am, I can’t even be trusted to keep a goldfish alive; I promise you, this is not a normal part of my job.”

Customer: “BUT YOU HAVE TO KNOW! YOU ARE IN THE PLANTS! YOU MUST KNOW ABOUT THEM!”

Me: “Ma’am, honestly, it took me twenty minutes to figure out the hose. I assure you, you do not want my advice on plant-related things.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, I saw a rat in the corner; can you get rid of it?”

Me: *thinking nowhere in my job description does it say I am in charge of getting rid of rats* “Ma’am, we’re outdoors. The rat has as much right to be here as we do. If it gets into the store, I’ll be happy to call maintenance, but otherwise, rats are not included in my job.”

(She walked away after that, still muttering about the rat and how I “must know about these things”!)

Give Them An Inch And They’ll Take A While

| New Zealand | Extra Stupid, Home Improvement, Math & Science

(I am serving a customer with curtain fabric.)

Me: “Do you know how much you need?”

Customer: “Yes, I measured it.” *peers at our set into the counter ruler* “But I didn’t use one like that; mine was different. That’s hard; mine was soft.”

Me: “You would have used a t—”

Customer: *talking over the top of me* “Yes, mine was different. It was longer, too. Will there be a difference because yours is shorter than mine? I’m sure it was longer. I think it was longer. Do you think it will make difference?”

Me: “Did you use a tape measure?”

Customer: “A what? I’m not sure what you mean”

Me: *holding up a tape measure* “Did you use something like this?”

Customer: “Yes, that was it, but mine was longer than this ruler. I’m sure it was longer”

Me: “Tape measures are a metre and a half long. Our ruler is only a metre.”

Customer: “Oh, that’s why. I was worried.”

Me: “So what was the measurement?”

Customer: “It was [measurement].”

Me: “Is that in centimetres or inches?”

Customer: “Is there a difference?”

Me: *mental face palm, holding tape measure* “This side is centimetres and the other is inches. Which side did you use?”

Customer: “Oh, the smaller one. I am sure I used the smaller one…”

Doesn’t Understand Your Conversion Metric

| Home Improvement, Math & Science

(Our store usually prints dimensions on the packaging in centimetres and so the staff are used to older customers having trouble converting to inches. A customer approaches myself and another staff member.)

Customer: “Excuse me, could you help me work out this curtain size?”

Me: “Sure, what do you need?”

Customer: “Well, I need a length 2.28 metres but this one says 228 centimetres. How do I convert that?”