Category: Home Improvement

Stupid customers still have to live somewhere. While we applaud them for sometimes wanting to make the place look nice, please don’t assume flat-pack furniture comes ready out of the box, or that power-tools are named as such because they need power! They make Tim The Toolman Taylor look like Frank Gehry!

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The Sedan Plan

| Tallahassee, FL, USA | Home Improvement, Popular, Transportation

(My mom and I are at the hardware store, waiting to get a plywood sheet cut. There is a lady with her six-year-old grandson getting help before us.)

Customer: “I need two ten-foot-long two-by-six boards, and one sixteen-foot-long two-by-six. And I need help loading them.”

Employee: “No problem, ma’am.” *to us* “I’ll be back, but it will take me a little while to load these.”

Mom: “Oh, we don’t mind waiting. Don’t worry about it.”

(He leads the lady and her grandson to the front of the store and we stand around chatting for a few minutes. The employee then comes back, pushing the cart with the boards loaded.)

Employee: “I’ll be able to help you sooner than I thought. She was trying to fit these in her sedan.”

Me: “What?”

Employee: “She said she was going to hang them out of her window. When I told her I couldn’t help her and that she needed to find another way to transport them, she said she was going to [Other Major Home Improvement Store] and get them to help her.”

Mom: “Why? Do they have a psychologist there?”

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Flood Of Lies

| UK | Crazy Requests, Home Improvement, Liars & Scammers

(I am working on a specific out-of-hours phone line for house maintenance and repairs on Christmas Eve. It is about four pm and one of the last calls of the day. I have already let the customer know that calls are recorded.)

Customer: “There’s a pipe under my sink and if I touch the bolt it is going to leak.”

Me: “I’m afraid we only deal with uncontainable leaks during out of hours, sir.”

Customer: “But it’s going to leak if I touch it!”

Me: “Sir, if it is not already leaking I cannot send an engineer out to you. Sorry about that.”

Customer: “Erm, okay, then, it’s leaking now.”

Me: *following my script* “Okay, and is the leak currently containable?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “I do apologise, sir, we only deal with uncontainable leaks during out of hours.”

Customer: “Then it IS uncontainable. My kitchen is flooding!”

Me: “Okay, I can get an engineer out to you but I would like to remind you that calls are recorded so you may be charged if this is not the case.”

(The caller hung up straight away.)

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Urgently Needs To Learn The Definition Of ‘Urgent’

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Family & Kids, Home Improvement

(We receive a work order that reads “URGENT: fixture burning.” I call to see if anyone is home but nobody answers. We’re in the area for another call so we decide to stop by. We knock, and the homeowner answers.)

Coworker: “Hi, we’re with [Company]. You said you were having an emergency with one of your lights burning?”

Homeowner: “Yeah, the bulb keeps burning out and it gets really hot. We’ve changed the bulb at least four times. I’m really worried because the baby sleeps in that room.”

Coworker: “Okay, we can get that looked at right now for you, if you like.”

Homeowner: “Well, now isn’t really a good time. The baby is taking a nap so I don’t want any work done. But you can come see what I mean if you want.”

(We go inside to see what’s going on. The baby isn’t actually asleep, but jumping up and down in his crib. We look everything over.)

Coworker: *after checking it out, the wiring is all okay* “We can change out the fixture. It would only take about ten minutes.”

Homeowner: “Well, I’d rather have it done another time. I hope that’s okay.”

Coworker: “No problem, we can schedule something for a different day.”

(We end up setting an appointment for the following week. So much for being “urgent.”)