Category: Home Improvement

Stupid customers still have to live somewhere. While we applaud them for sometimes wanting to make the place look nice, please don’t assume flat-pack furniture comes ready out of the box, or that power-tools are named as such because they need power! They make Tim The Toolman Taylor look like Frank Gehry!

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Sadly The Laws Of Physics Are Rock Solid

| USA | Crazy Requests, Home Improvement

(My company sells materials for landscaping, patios, etc. We just sell the material; we don’t install it.)

Me: *answering phone* “[Business].”

Customer: “Hi, I need to get a small dump truck of river rock delivered to [Address].”

Me: “Absolutely. It will be [amount] and we can get it delivered this afternoon, if that works for you?”

Customer: “Okay. Will he be able to get in the backyard?”

Me: “As long as there are no fences or trees in the way he should be able to, but he’ll have to look at it when he gets there.”

Customer: “My gate is four feet wide. That’s enough, right?”

Me: “No, sir, he usually needs gates to be eight-ten feet wide depending on the area. If that’s the only way to get to your backyard, unfortunately he will have to dump your rock in the front yard.”

Customer: “Okay, well, he’ll just need to wheelbarrow it into the backyard for me, then.”

(Keep in mind, we just sell and deliver. We’re not landscapers, and this customer apparently thinks the driver moving 16,000 pounds of rock with a wheelbarrow is included in his delivery charge. I pause for the laugh at his own joke I expect, but it does not come.)

Me:“No, sir. He will not be able to move anything with a wheelbarrow. We just deliver the material with the truck and get as close as we can to where you want it.”

(The customer then repeatedly demanded to know why we can’t fit the truck into his backyard, despite my explanation that the truck itself is wider than 4 feet. A landscaping company later picked it up for him.)

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Legal Tax Is Illegally Taxing

| MN, USA | Home Improvement

(I work in building materials at a large hardware chain where I commonly do estimates for all sorts of projects. On a slow night, a customer with a fairly thick accent comes up and we work up a drywall estimate for his basement.)

Me: “Alright, so, your total is [amount] before tax. Is this something you would like us to deliver or are you picking it up yourself?”

Customer: “How much is delivery?”

Me: “For a driveway drop off it would be [amount].”

Customer: “Really? I guess I’ll pick it up tomorrow.”

(The customer leaves and returns within a few minutes and hands me the paper.)

Customer: “The girl at the register tried to charge me more than what is on this sheet! I want you to come with me to make sure I only pay this.”

Me: “I’m sorry about that, sir, but the system is set up to only charge you this number on the paper. How much was the bill?”

Customer: *slightly higher than ticket amount*

Me: “Okay, but this ticket is just for the pre-tax total. Tax is applied at the register.”

Customer: “Taxes?! Why should I have to pay taxes? I’m an illegal!”

Me: *stunned* I’m sorry, sir, everyone pays taxes. It’s the law.”

Customer: “Then I guess I will have to buy my products from people who don’t charge tax!”

(He stormed off and left his purchase ticket with me.)

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Caught Red-Painted

| USA | Home Improvement, Liars & Scammers, Popular

(I work in the paint department. We have a policy of changing the color of left-behind paint or stain after closing, since it gets marked down in price. A contractor orders several five-gallon tubs of wood stain in a natural color, but never comes to get it. I have a hunch, and dye each five-gallon a vastly different, but still usable color. Sure enough the next day he comes in, goes straight for the marked down stain, and begins loading them onto his cart before he notices the colors are all different. He angrily storms over to the desk.)

Contractor: “Why are these all different colors?”

(Knowing full well he had ordered them and left them on purpose, I smile.)

Me: “Well, when paint or stain is left over a day, we change the color so would-be thieves don’t come back the next day and try to get their paint for a fraction of the cost.”

(He sputtered at me angrily, and left in a huff with only two of the closest-matching colors he could find. The rest were bought throughout the day by other people.)