Category: Home Improvement

Stupid customers still have to live somewhere. While we applaud them for sometimes wanting to make the place look nice, please don’t assume flat-pack furniture comes ready out of the box, or that power-tools are named as such because they need power! They make Tim The Toolman Taylor look like Frank Gehry!

Can’t Accept Your Sage Advice

| Columbus, OH, USA | Crazy Requests, Home Improvement

(I work in a store that sells goods for the home. It’s near closing time and I’m cleaning up the bedding.)

Customer: “Sweety, I hope you aren’t too busy, but I’m actually colorblind, and I really need some queen-size sheets in a sage green for my guest bedroom.”

Me: “Sure, no problem.” *picks up a sage green sheet set* “The are quite nice, and a high thread count.”

Customer: “No, no, no. That won’t do at all. They have to be SAGE Green.”

Me: “But… they are.”

Customer: “No, I can tell. Those aren’t sage green.”

(I am, by this point, completely perplexed. As she continues to deny every sage green sheet set I show her is actually sage green.)

Me: “Well, I do apologize, ma’am, but we don’t seem to have any sage green sheets in stock at the moment.”

Customer: “Well, this was a waste of time”

Me: *under my breath* “I know the feeling…”

The Mark Of A Bad Customer

| Australia | Crazy Requests, Home Improvement

(A customer comes to my counter with a roll of fabric.)

Customer: “Hi, I’d like two metres, please. But there’s a mark on the fabric.”

Me: “Not a problem. Just show me where the mark is and I can sort something out for you.”

(She shows me a really tiny pinhead-sized section of the fabric that is slightly lighter than the rest. You’d practically need a magnifying glass to even notice it.)

Me: “Oh, I wouldn’t worry about that. It will come right out in the wash.”

Customer: *horrified* “I’m not washing it!”

Me: “It’s a cotton fabric, ma’am. I highly recommend you pre-wash it. It will shrink a little bit the first time; if you sew it first the seams will pucker.”

Customer: “I am not having that bit with the mark!”

(It’s a cheap fabric, so I decide not to argue with her.)

Me: “Okay, well, I can give you a discount—”

Customer: “CUT THAT BIT WITH THE MARK OFF!”

(I had to cut off over a metre of fabric off just to avoid ‘the mark’, which we then had to put in our half-price box. Normally I’d let the customer keep the extra bit of fabric, but there was no way I was wasting it on her.)

Gunning For A Sale

| PA, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Home Improvement

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How may I direct your call?”

Customer: “Yeah, I was calling to see if you sell bullets?”

Me: “I’m sorry, could you repeat that?”

Customer: “Do you sell bullets? Like for reloading?”

Me: *thinking maybe he is confused and needs the ‘bullet’ CO2 cartridges we sell for some of our air-powered nailers* “Bullets… as in bullets for guns, or…?”

Customer: “Yes! Bullets! For shooting!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, we do not. We sell home improvement items and bullets are not a home improvement item.”

Customer: “…Are you sure?”

In Addition, You’re An Idiot

| Baltimore, MD, USA | At The Checkout, Home Improvement, Liars & Scammers

(I am a cashier, with a customer hauling a rather expensive patio set along with some groceries in my line. I ring him up and show him the total.)

Customer: “That price is incorrect.”

Me: “I am very sorry, sir. I will have someone get a price check right away.”

(I have someone check the price of the patio set and it comes back the same as I had on the register.)

Me: “Sir, the price of that patio set is [price].”

(I show him the screen with a picture of his patio set and the price.)

Customer: “No, your total is wrong! I will show you!”

(The man then proceeds to take out a calculator and attempts to add up all his purchases.)

Me: “Sir, I can assure you the register has a built in calculator, so it does not make adding mistakes.”

Customer: “WELL, IT HAS THIS TIME!”

(I have a rather long line building up by this point which has attracted the attention of one of my managers. She walks over and sees the man furiously typing away on his calculator.)

Manager: “Sir, what seems to be the problem here? Can I help you?”

Customer: “Your machine is broken!”

Manager: “What do you mean?”

Customer: “It’s not adding the total properly! This is very poor service!”

Manager: “One moment, sir.”

(My manager took me aside and told me to take my break. I did as she said, thankful to be out of there. Later, my manager came into the breakroom and told me that that was the third time that customer had done that in a week. Apparently he couldn’t afford the patio set so he thought he could swindle a cashier into giving it to him cheaper.)

This Is Not A Drill

| Grand Island, NE, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Home Improvement, Liars & Scammers

(I’m at the service desk, finishing a battery replacement for a regular customer’s hearing aids. We’re having our normal chit chat; he loves talking about his grandkids. A woman enters, comes to the desk, and starts complaining immediately.)

Woman: “I don’t have this kind of time! Why are you doing his job? I need service.”

Me: “We always offer battery replacement.” *as I say this, I finish the replacements* “Okay, sir, you’re good to go! I’ll let [Cashier] know you’ve paid already. Have a nice night.”

Man: “Thank you. You get everything done so nicely.” *he heads out*

Woman: “Finally! My drill is broken. I want my replacement.”

Me: “Okay, let me see the drill and we can go from there.”

(She slams a drill from another chain onto the desk; it has a smashed battery pack.)

Woman: “There! It’s broken.”

Me: “This drill isn’t from here, and—”

Woman: “F****** liar! I want your manager!”

Me: *sees manager walking over due to her fuss* “Sure. Hey, [Manager], this customer wants to speak to you.”

Woman: “This b**** won’t replace my drill! I can’t use that one to hammer nails into concrete now.”

Manager: “Say what?”

Woman: “I need to hammer nails into my basement walls. This drill broke. How is that hard to understand? Give me my replacement!”

Manager: “First, that’s not a drill we sell. Second, our replacement guarantee only applies when the tool is used properly. It’s not a hammer, so it’s broken from misuse. Even if it was ours, we wouldn’t process a replacement.”

Woman: “How the f*** am I supposed to know I can’t use this as a hammer?! I’ll go get my own free replacement!”

Manager: “Okay. I’ll call the police.”

Woman: “F*** you! I ain’t violating my parole for you!” *she storms out*

Cashier: *over radio* “Um. Did that really just happen?”

(Two hours later, she returns with a drill now spray painted yellow. The cashier immediately gets the manager.)

Woman: “See! This is your drill! Give me my f****** replacement, you c***!” *slams drill and paint covered hand on counter*

Manager: “It still says [Brand] and the paint is coming off on your hand. Leave now; you’re now prohibited from coming in.”

Woman: “You can’t prove who I am.”

Manager: “Cameras are above you. Your fingerprints are on the counter. You have unique tattoos. You’re on parole. Pretty sure we can track you.”

(Customer ran out, and hasn’t returned.)