Category: Home Improvement

Stupid customers still have to live somewhere. While we applaud them for sometimes wanting to make the place look nice, please don’t assume flat-pack furniture comes ready out of the box, or that power-tools are named as such because they need power! They make Tim The Toolman Taylor look like Frank Gehry!

Unable To Saw Through That Attitude

| New Brunswick, NJ, USA | Bizarre, Home Improvement

Customer: *holding two saws* “What’s better, [Brand #1] or [Brand #2] saws?”

Employee: “What are you looking to cut?”

Customer: *suddenly angry* “None of your f***ing business, bro! Just tell me which saw is better?”

Employee: “Well, [Brand #1] is a wood saw, and [Brand #2] is a hacksaw, so which is better depends on what you’re trying to cut.”

Customer: “Didn’t I just tell you to mind your own business?” *to me* “Can you believe the people that work here? Which if these looks better to do?”

Me: “[Brand #1] looks like a hacksaw and [Brand #2] looks like a wood saw.”

Customer: “Okay, f*** this. I’m going to [Other Hardware Store] and buying a chainsaw.”

Employee: “The wood saw’s probably better, then.”

Customer: *suddenly friendly* “So [Brand #2]? Okay, then! Thanks for your help!”

Not Feeling Neutral About Those Colors

| New Zealand | Home Improvement

(I have a customer in our specials book to call when we receive new stock of a certain style of shoe in. We have a note by her name that said ‘likes navy and grey.’ Like a lot of people that shop with us, she obviously likes neutral tones that go with everything. I ring her yesterday when we receive a new shipment in grey. When I tell her, she says, ‘oh, grey,’ in a disappointed voice.)

Customer: “I was hoping for a bit of colour.”

Fabricated Prices

| KY, USA | Home Improvement, Money

(I get the following phone call:)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

Caller: *long pause* “Uh, do you sell fabric?”

Me: *wondering to myself what caller thought the fabric in the store’s name meant* “We certainly do.”

Caller: “Well, how much is it?”

Me: “It depends on the fabric. We have some as low as $1 a yard all the way up to $45-$50 a yard.”

Caller: “Oh, I can’t afford that much.” *click*

(Wish I could tell you that was an unusual call, but I get it several times a month. Maybe we are supposed to just give away the fabric from the fabric store that doesn’t stock fabric.)

The Lawnmower Ban

| Dallas, TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Home Improvement

(My office line rings, and I answer.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Homeowner: *yelling* “YOU ARE GOING TO JAIL!”

Me: “I’m… I’m sorry?”

Homeowner: “YOU ARE GOING TO JAIL. THIS IS ILLEGAL!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I am not sure what you are referring to.”

Homeowner: “YOU SENT ME A NOTICE ABOUT MOWING MY LAWN. I WAS OUT OF TOWN FOR SIX WEEKS. THAT’S NOT MY JOB. YOU CAN’T MAKE ME STAY HERE. IT’S ILLEGAL. I CAN TAKE A VACATION!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear about this, sir. If you could provide me with your name and address, I can look into this for you.”

Homeowner: *gives name and address*

Me: “Thank you, sir. It appears you were sent a courtesy notice as your lawn went un-mowed for two months, and your governing documents state it must be done every two-to-three weeks.”

Homeowner: “IT’S NOT MY JOB! I WASN’T HERE! I AM ALLOWED TO LEAVE! YOU WANT IT DONE SO BADLY, YOU DO IT!”

Me: “Sir, we are not the ones who set the rules; that would be the Homeowner Association’s Board of Directors. We work for them. If fact, this rule was suggested by a member of the Board of Directors… [Homeowner], about a year ago. If you would like, I can send you the minutes of the meeting in which you recommended this rule when you were on the Board?”

Homeowner: *meekly* “I didn’t know I would go on vacation back then…”

Works With Different Fibres

| Finland | Bizarre, Home Improvement

(During a day off, I get a phone call.)

Me: “[My Name].”

Caller: “Hi, this is [Caller], about [some renovation project]…”

Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

Caller: “…Isn’t this [Plumber]?”

Me: “No, this is a private number.”

Caller: “Well, do you by any chance do plumbing for living or something like that?”

Me: “Telecom engineer, so different kind of pipes. Sorry.” *click*

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