Category: Home Improvement

Stupid customers still have to live somewhere. While we applaud them for sometimes wanting to make the place look nice, please don’t assume flat-pack furniture comes ready out of the box, or that power-tools are named as such because they need power! They make Tim The Toolman Taylor look like Frank Gehry!

Growing Bed, Shrinking Brains

| Perth, WA, Australia | Extra Stupid, Home Improvement

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to return these sheets.”

Coworker: “Okay, let’s have a look. Do you have your receipt?”

Customer: “No. The sheets are faulty and I want a refund!”

Coworker: “What’s wrong with them?”

Customer: “I brought them a couple of years ago for my queen-size bed. Last week I upgraded to a king size bed and THEY DON’T FIT. No-one told me they wouldn’t fit!”

Coworker: “…”

(The customer complained so much the matter was escalated to head office. She got her refund.)

It’s Time To Throw In The Towel

| Halifax, NS, Canada | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Home Improvement

(I’m the stupid customer here. I’m looking for a long carpet for my hallway when I spot something that looks perfect but it’s too short. I find an employee and ask for help.)

Me: “Do you sell something like this but 12-15 ft. long?”

Employee: “That’s very big, sir. Why would you need something like that?”

Me: “It’s for my hallway.”

Employee: “I don’t think we have anything like that in the size you’re looking for.”

Me: “Are you sure? I saw longer rugs in here last week.”

Employee: “Uh… sir, that’s a towel.”

Tales From The Stupid Dimension

| Bullhead City, AZ, USA | Extra Stupid, Home Improvement

(I work in the hardware department of a large home improvement store. One day a customer asks me to cut a piece of plywood for him to the dimensions of 18X24 inches. I proceed to make the cut and hand the plywood to him, but I hand it to him upside down so it looks 24X18.)

Customer: “Wait, this isn’t right. I wanted it 18X24.”

Me: *I stare at the customer a moment, then just smile* “Oh, I am so sorry about that. I can fix it for you, no problem. May I please have the piece of wood back?”

(The customer smiles back and happily gives me the board. I proceed to rotate it ninety degrees and hand it right back to him. He just stands there and stares at me a moment then laughs and shakes his head.)

Customer: “I feel like an idiot.”

Me: “Eh, don’t worry about it; we all have our days.”

Not A Fan Of The Product

| Barrhaven, ON, Canada | Home Improvement

(I pick up the phone. The customer complains about an air conditioner he bought, saying it doesn’t work.)

Caller: “The air conditioner doesn’t work. It gives cool air. I want cold air.”

(I sense it might be a case of flipping the control knob on the unit from cold to fan.)

Me: “Have you flipped the knob to cold air? It might be on fan.”

Caller: “No. It gives cool air; I want cold air.”

(I go through various options. The customer keeps complaining the unit puts out cool air and he wants cold air.)

Me: “What air conditioner do you have, sir.”

(The customer reads off the brand.)

Me: “Sir, you’ve bought a fan.”

Talking Back To The Customer

| Barrhaven, ON, Canada | Home Improvement

(I work on the floor at a home improvement store. The store is just one big warehouse. When we are out of a product, sometimes customers ask me:)

Customer: “Could you look in the back?”

(I wave my arms and show them the floor to ceiling racking, and say:)

Me: “This is the back.”

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