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Category: Holidays

Even during the holidays, customers don’t seem to take a break. With that many extra light-bulbs around you’d think a few extra would appear above their heads?

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Now You’re Toying With Him

| Cornelius, OR, USA | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

(It is near Christmas time. At about six pm this woman comes up with her daughter who is about five years old. As I am ringing up their items an older gentleman comes in. He’s overweight with a red nose from the cold, a thick white beard, half rimmed glasses, a really old Santa hat on his head, and a red and black plaid fleece coat on. As he walks by the little girl stares at him in awe.)

Little Girl: *whispering to her mother* “Was that Santa?”

Mother: *smiling* “Well, I don’t know. It could be!”

(The little girl then looks at me for confirmation and I shrug.)

Me: “Well, we DO have a landing strip on the roof for his sleigh. Where do you think we get all of our toys from?”

(She just looked so excited as I saw the magic fill her eyes. The mother smiled at me and as they left I heard the girl say.)

Little Girl: “Can we look for the sleigh?”

Mother: “Sure!”

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Wish You Could Be Real With The Customers

| South Tampa, FL, USA | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

(It’s December 23, and we are completely slammed. I’m at the tail end of a 9 am to 7 pm shift, and am looking forward to having the next week off from school and work. An older, professional-looking lady comes through my line with a huge cartful of groceries.)

Me: “Hello! How are you today?”

Customer: “Oh, just getting my Christmas dinner shopping done! I think I’ve bought too much. It’s quite busy in here tonight, isn’t it?”

Me: “The week of Christmas always gets a little crazy in here!”

Customer: “So, do you guys have special holiday hours this week?”

Me: “Today we are open normal hours, 7 am to 10 pm. We close at 7 pm tomorrow, because it’s Christmas Eve, and are closed all day on Christmas.”

Customer: “No extended hours for Christmas?”

Me: “No, ma’am. Your total is [total], and it looks like your credit card has been approved. I just need you to sign the receipt for me, please. Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

Customer: “Well, I think you should be open longer this week. You know, for those of us who have REAL jobs and are unable to get here earlier.” *tosses the receipt at me, smirks, and marches out of the store with her overflowing cart*

(The bagger, who is working an 11-hour shift, and I stare at each other.)

Bagger: “Did she just…”

Me: “Yep. Merry Christmas to us!”

(Thankfully, management didn’t take her suggestion. 7 years and 2 post-college jobs later, and I’d still never think of talking to a retail worker like that. Note to Customer: RETAIL JOBS ARE REAL JOBS!!!)

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Christmas Is Just A Game To Her

| Winston-Salem, NC, USA | Crazy Requests, Holidays, Time

(I am working in the service department for a retail company. We are closing early on Christmas Eve. It’s currently 45 minutes till we close and a phone call comes in.)

Me: “Hello, how may I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, I’m looking for this game, [Game]; do you have it?”

Me: *looking up the game* “Yes, we do, ma’am.”

Caller: “Great, what time do you close?”

Me: “We close in about 45 minutes.”

Caller: “I’ll be there in an hour.”

Me: “Ma’am, we close in 45 minutes. We won’t be open in an hour.”

Caller: “I’ll be there in an hour and you better be open or I’m breaking in.”

Me: “Ma’am, you have to be here before five pm or we will be closed.”

Caller: “I’m buying this game for my kid. You ruin my Christmas and I’ll ruin yours.”

Me: “Ma’am, we will be leaving at five pm to have Christmas with our families. Please be here before five. Thank you.” *hangs up*

(As the employees were leaving about 5:15 there was a woman banging on the doors and screaming obscenities about how she would ruin Christmas for everyone.)

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This Christmas, Think Inside The Box

| WV, USA | Bizarre, Holidays, Rude & Risque

(I am a middle-aged female employee at a fabric and crafts store and am on the floor helping people with finding items and planning crafts. A very tall man in his early thirties comes up to me.)

Man: “I am looking for gift boxes, but I can’t seem to find one large enough.”

Me: “All our holiday gift boxes have been moved to the front. I’ll show you.”

(I take him to the boxes and he begins considering which one to get and isn’t sure any of them will work.)

Me: “What kind of thing are you trying to fit in the box? Maybe I can help you find the right size.”

Man: “Well, I kind of need one with a lid that pops off.”

Me: “But what are you going to put in the box? Do you have it with you? We can check to see if it fits.”

Man: *looks awkward and mumbly* “Yeah… um. Have you heard of the SNL skit by Lonely Island about… um… things in boxes?”

(I understand immediately. I’m older but love funny things and being a general goofball. He’s referring to a song called “D*** in a Box” where the singer cuts a hole in the box and puts his junk in that box then makes his romantic partner open the box.)

Me: “Ah, yes, sir, I have! Hmmm. Have you considered the wine gift boxes?” *these boxes are very long and cylindrical*

Man: *seems somewhat thrown and relieved by my matter-of-factness* “No, I need something that opens at the top. And I need it to be really sturdy and big enough so I can cut into it and it will still hold up. I’m going to thread my belt through it to hold it up. There’s no room for my belt, and, um, in the wine box.”

Me: *I find something more rectangular with a flip open lid, about 6″ tall and 8″ square* “Hmmm, How about this one? It opens, has a magnetic closure and evens says “Rejoice!” in giant letters on the top. ‘See what I’ve got? Rejoice ye who open the box!’”

Man: *laughs* “Yes, I think that’s perfect! But I need a second one for my brother-in-law; we’re going to do a skit for the family this year.”

(I find this odd, but press forward as if I do not. Honestly, it sounds like a quite interesting family.)

Me: *picks up a slightly smaller box in the same design* “How about this one? I assume you want to seem like the bigger man.”

Man: *chortles* “If he asks me why I could say ‘Yeah, I’ve talked to your wife, dude, and you totally need a smaller box.’”

(We both laugh but he ends up getting the same size box as his own to avoid family fights over the holidays over d***-box-size. I still enjoy imagining that family’s Christmas party. “Hey Grandma, I got something to show ya!”)

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Ho Ho Tow

| OH, USA | Bad Behavior, Holidays, Transportation

(I’m a manager at an oil change facility. We have large garage doors in the front of the building to pull cars in and out. One evening as I am closing, I go downstairs to change back into my street clothes. After coming back upstairs I find a vehicle parked up against one of my garage doors. My company’s policies require that we tow away unauthorized vehicles before we leave at night. I am in a good mood, so I decide to go into the restaurant next door to ask their manager if any of the customers were the owner. After asking multiple tables, they find the owner of the vehicle along with his wife.)

Manager: “Okay, sir, this is the manager for the business next door; he wants to talk to you.”

Car Owner: *looks at me, obviously irritated* “What do you want?”

Me: “Sorry to disrupt your dinner, sir, but I wanted to let you know that you have parked in front of my store. We are actually closed now and I will have to tow it if it is not moved.”

Car Owner: “Are you serious?”

Me: “Unfortunately so.

Car Owner: “You have got to be f****** kidding me! I can’t even park in a god-d*** parking lot anymore?!”

Wife: “Darling, just move the car; it’s fine.”

Me: “Actually, sir, you’re not even in a parking lot. Your vehicle is parked in front of my store. If you were in my lot I would just let you stay since you’re just eating, but that’s not the case.”

Car Owner: “F*** you. I’m not moving my car!”

Manager: “Sir, I need to ask you to watch your language or I will need you to leave.”

Car Owner: “You stay out of this! It’s none of your god-d*** business!”

Me: *at this point my good mood has diminished* “Okay, hold on now. One, I did not have to come here and offer you a chance to move your vehicle. Two, I still don’t need to offer it, but Christmas is in three days and I really don’t want to tow your car. So, either move it now, or pay a couple hundred dollars in fines when I tow it.”

(The car owner delayed for a few seconds and then threw something down in anger. He stormed out of the restaurant to go move his vehicle. I followed him outside to make sure he moved his vehicle, which he did. I told him to have a happy holiday, and he returned the wishes by flipping me the bird.)

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