Category: History

Customers who don’t remember history are not only doomed to repeat it, but in some of these stories, to completely rewrite it!

Acting Like They Were Born In A Bearn

| Austin, TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, History, Language & Words

(I work at a renaissance festival, where the workers are required to be in character when interacting with patrons. Two women are looking around the shop while their two boys, about seven or so, are horsing around with wooden swords. Sometimes I play along with the kids, but they’re getting out of control.)

Little Boy #1: “DIE! I’m gonna get you! I’m gonna kill you!”

Little Boy #2: “Not if I kill you first! RAAAAAAAAAAH!”

(The moms look a little resigned to all this and don’t say anything, but now the boys are starting to trip and hit each other so I step in and yell to be heard over them.)

Me: “Squires! Please take the arts of war outside my shop. We are a peaceful establishment!”

(They stop dead and look at me, dumbfounded. Then they hastily scoot outside and begin whacking each other again.)

Mom: “Wow, can you follow us around all day? They haven’t listened to us once!”

Sound Of The Penny Dropping

| London, England, UK | Extra Stupid, History, Money

(We get a lot of people call us up when they find old banknotes and coins. Mostly, they’re worthless.)

Customer: “I’ve found a really old £1 note, and I want to know if it’s worth anything?”

Colleague: “Is there a signature on the front?”

Customer: “It’s ‘DHF Somerset.'”

Colleague: “Ah, well, that note was produced in the early 1980s. It’s not worth anything.”

Customer: “No, it’s much earlier than that! It has the dates ‘1642 to 1727’ on the back, and a picture of Isaac Newton. That’s very old!”

Colleague: “Those are the dates he was alive. Besides, if it was produced back then, they couldn’t have put a picture of the current Queen on the front. Could they?”

Customer: “Oh…”

Common Knowledge Has Deserted You

| San Antonio, TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography, History, Tourists/Travel

(We get a lot of people from different countries or other states who know nothing about Texas.)

Tourist: “So is the Alamo like out in the desert or something?”

Me: “Oh, have ya’ll not been downtown yet? It’s pretty much smack dab in the middle of the city.”

Tourist: “What do you mean?”

Me: “It’s not like in the movie. The city has grown around it,. It’s actually one of the more boring missions that’s pretty much completely covered by urban sprawl. I you want to see more traditional missions you should try San Jose or the other ones in the National Park areas.”

(They’re silent for awhile while I guess they’re having trouble with the term ‘missions.’)

Tourist: “Where’s your desert, anyway?”

Me: “Um… Like, 400 miles west of here?”

Tourist: “So, we’re not in Texas yet?”