Category: History

Customers who don’t remember history are not only doomed to repeat it, but in some of these stories, to completely rewrite it!

Those Books Can Be Killer To Finish

| KY, USA | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Books & Reading, History

(I’m the customer in this situation:)

Me: “I’m looking for a copy of Les Mis and I found several different copies from different publishers. What do you recommend?”

Staff Member: “Well, it depends. Do you want a smaller-size copy that’d fit in your purse so you can take it anywhere?”

Me: “Well… the print in those can get pretty tiny… Actually, I’m looking for a book hefty enough to kill someone with.”

Staff Member: “…”

Me: “Sorry.”

Staff Member: “In that case, I suggest Tolstoy or Proust.”

Never Listened In Or Outside Church

| London, England, UK | History, Tourists/Travel

(I work as a tour guide on an open top bus tour around London. My job is to tell tourists about the history of the city, and the landmarks that we pass.)

Me: “… and as we continue along Fleet Street we’ll see one of the great landmarks of London coming into view, the wonderful dome of St. Paul’s Cathedral. St. Paul’s Cathedral is our next stop. St. Paul’s Cathedral was built after the great fire of London of 1666. St. Paul’s Cathedral stands 365 feet from the ground to the tip of the golden cross at the top of the dome, one foot for every day of the year.”

Lady On The Bus: “What’s this building here?”

Me: *pointing at St. Paul’s Cathedral* “This one?”

Lady On The Bus: “Yes.”

Me: *sighing* “The Sealife Aquarium.”

Lady On The Bus: “The Sealife Aquarium?”

Me: *shrugging* “Yeah, why not?”

Lady On The Bus: “Thank you.”

(She writes ‘Sealife Aquarium’ carefully on the bus tour map, next to the little picture of ST PAUL’S CATHEDRAL, underneath the words ST PAUL’S CATHEDRAL that are printed next to it.)

Me: “Pleasure. Welcome aboard those joining us here at St. Paul’s Cathedral…”

A Vast Ocean Of Ignorance

| Newport, KY, USA | Extra Stupid, History, Pets & Animals

(I’m an aquarium employee. As I’m standing in the coral reef tunnel, a few high school age kids walk up near me, looking up at the fish.)

Me: “Good afternoon, guys! Enjoying the aquarium?”

Teen #1: “Yeah…” *to his friends, pointing at the tank* “Hey, check out the puffer fish!”

Teen #2: “Oh, cool!” *to me* “Does it ever puff up?”

Me: “It’s pretty used to people, and there are no predators in there, so it wouldn’t puff itself up unless maybe a diver were to startle or threaten it in the tank.”

Teen #1: “Can you startle it and make it puff up for us?”

Me: *wondering how or why I would even do that* “No…”

Teen #2: *suddenly forgetting the puffer and pointing instead at the cownose stingrays in the tank* “Hey! Isn’t that what killed Davy Crockett?”

Teen #1, Teen #3, & Me: “What?!”

Teen #2: “Isn’t that what killed Davy Crockett?”

Me: “Uh… no. I’m pretty certain he died at the Alamo in the 19th century…” *thinks for a bit* “Did you mean Steve Irwin?”

Teen #2: “Yeah! Same thing.”

Me: “Not really…”