Category: Health & Body

Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.


The Dining Table Is Where Food Goes In, Not Out

| IL, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Health & Body, Popular

(I have a large group, 20 or so people. They are regulars and pleasant customers, so I am happy to be serving them throughout the evening. They stay for two hours in our dining room, no big deal; they are spending money, having a good time, and they are the only people in the dining hall. Everyone else is in the bar dining room. Most of the group has left, except a woman, her husband, and their probably one-year-old child, being breast-fed. I have no problems with her breast-feeding, no one is offended, no one is there to be offended and she has a blanket over herself, but then the woman proceeds to change her child in the dining room on the table.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be rude, and it has been a real pleasure serving you all tonight, but do you mind if I ask that you change your baby in the restroom where we provide a baby changing station. If you’re uncomfortable, we do have sanitation wipes for the station?”

Customer: “Excuse me?! I do mind! My child needs to be changed now. No one else is in this room. Am I disturbing other customers?”

Me: “Again, not to be rude, and I understand that you’re just trying to take care of your child. I’m not personally offended, and no one has complained, but keep in mind we serve food to people on these tables, and it’s just not sanitary.”

Customer: “You’re being very judgmental about this. It’s just a baby. No one else has complained, and I have a mat down. I don’t see why you’re having such a problem with this.”

Me: “I understand where you’re coming from, but again, this isn’t about complaints. It’s about sanitation. If you could please, from now on, make use of the changing station in the women’s restroom, I and management would be grateful.”

(At this point she has almost finished changing her baby, and management supports me in my request for a sanitary dining table.)

Customer: “I’ve done this countless times here. We’re regulars, and no one ever complains. I don’t appreciate you causing a scene.”

(There are no other customers in the dining room. They are all in the bar room. No scene was caused. No one even looked.)

Me: “I’m not trying to cause problems. I’m just making a request that, to help keep this place clean, you use the resources we provide to change diapers.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous. We’re leaving. I don’t even want to leave you a tip. You’re just a mean girl who hates children. You probably don’t have any children at home.”

(The guest paid and leaves. There was no tip, which I understood. It didn’t bother me that much because there was a disagreement and sometimes that happens. What bothered me is that she left the dirty diaper on the table, not even wrapped up.)


You Can’t Drink Yourself Out Of This Problem

| NJ, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Health & Body

Customer: “What is in your gold margarita?”

(I tell her and she orders one. Five minutes later…)

Customer: “This has a very rustic taste to it.”

Me: “You don’t like it?”

Customer: “It’s like… rustic.”

Me: “Is it too sour? Or too sweet?”

Customer: “It’s very rustic.”

(We go around and around like this until I determine what she means to say is metallic.)

Customer: “Drink it and see what I mean. Get a straw.”

Me: “I’m not going to do that, sorry. I’ll make you a new one or something different though.” *I am visibly pregnant, I should add*

Customer: “Honey, it’s not going to kill you. You should be tasting every drink you send out. Your baby will be fine. Get a straw.”

Me: “I will make you a new margarita.”

Customer: “Taste it first. We gotta work something out here because I can’t drink rustic things.”


The White Thing To Say

| Medicine Hat, AB, Canada | Bizarre, Health & Body

(I am naturally very, very pale. I am also usually cold, so I tend to wear long sleeves nearly all the time. On this hot summer day, I came to work in short sleeves.)

Regular Customer: “Wow, I’ve never seen your arms before! They’re so… white!”

Me: “Thanks?”


Got Breast Milk?

| Chesterfield, MO, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Health & Body

(I work at a daycare, taking care of babies. My one-year-old son is one of the babies in my room. One day, when a parent comes to pick up her own child, she sees me nursing my son.)

Parent: “Oh, do you do that for all the babies?”

(She actually thought I breastfed all of the babies in my room, not just my son.)


Fighting For Three

| England, UK | Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Popular

(I’m eight months pregnant with twins and am massive. My weight has gone up to 13st and my belly is stretched beyond belief. I’m with my eldest daughter getting the last minute shopping as I’m being induced in a fortnight. I can’t move very fast and am having terrible mood swings. I’m pushing the trolley and my daughter is doing all the running around for me.)

Me: “Okay, nearly done. I need a rest.”

(I feel a trolley pushing in to me from the back and turn to see an elderly man.)

Customer: “C’mon, fatty, get out of my way.”

Me: “Excuse me!”

Customer: “You heard. You should be ashamed of yourself. Making her do all the work just ’cause you’re too lazy to bother.”

Me: “Um, I’m pregnant, not fat and lazy. And please don’t push your trolley into me.”

Customer: “I’ll do as I see fit. I’m 70 years old and can still get my own shopping. I didn’t fight in the war just to watch fat slobs like you work your kids to the bone.”

(He then pushes the trolley into my thigh and hip.)

Me: “That’s it! Listen to me you miserable old b******. First of all, if you’re 70 you didn’t fight in any war. WWII ended in 1945; you would’ve been a baby. Secondly, I am obviously heavily pregnant and my daughter is helping as I can’t reach up or bend down. Thirdly, if you ram me with that trolley again I will do it back to you. Just because you’re old it doesn’t give you the right to be an a**-hole!”

Customer: “How dare you talk to me like that! I fought in the war; I could have died for our country!”

(He tried to push my trolley into me, but my daughter moved it. I’d had enough by then and decided to do it back to him. I pushed his trolley into him as he was holding onto it and backed him up to a display and trapped him there. Several people stop to look.)

Me: “Come on, then, you cantankerous old f***er! Not so tough now that the whole shop can see you. Still want to yell at the pregnant lady for being fat and lazy? Still want to ram a trolley into me while I’m carrying twins? I didn’t think so. See, I know you didn’t fight in a war. You’re a miserable, lonely old coward who can only feel better about themselves when they’re making others feel bad. Didn’t work on me, did it? What’s wrong, old man? Forgotten all the horrible things you said to me? Nothing mean to say now that I’m not some meek little woman?”

(I feel a hand on my shoulder and turn, still quite angry.)

Security Guard: “Maybe we can let him go now, ma’am. I think he’s been told off enough. My colleague will escort the gentleman out. May I suggest a complimentary drink and cake from our café?”

Me: *as sweet as sugar again* “Ooh, cake. That’s very kind. He was extremely rude.”

Security Guard: “I know, another customer told us and we could see everything on CCTV. How far along are you?”

Me: “I’m being induced in a fortnight. I have two 7lb-ers in here and I’ve had enough.”

Security Guard: “My wife had twins last year. The last trimester was the worst two and a half months of my life and I WAS in a war! I would’ve gladly gone back to Afghanistan to get away from her at times!”

(The elderly man was asked to leave and I and my (very embarrassed) daughter had a lovely piece of cake. And no, I didn’t feel bad about talking to a pensioner that way. Just because you’ve lived a long time, doesn’t mean you can be rude.)

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