Category: Health & Body

Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

Ebola, E-Coli, And Strep, Oh My

| Canada | Food & Drink, Health & Body, Liars & Scammers

(A customer orders a vegetarian pizza and he insists that we put quadruple cheese on it.)

Me: “Well, I would not recommend that, sir, since the dough won’t cook properly if we do.”

Customer: “I don’t care; it’s what I want!”

Me: “Okay, then…”

(I make the pizza the way he wants it and he takes it home. About a half hour later the guy calls back demanding to talk to the manager.)

Me: “I am sorry, sir, but we close soon and the manager will not be in until tomorrow. Is there something I can help you with?”

Customer: “Your pizza made us all sick! We took one bite and now we all have salmonella! I want my money back!”

Me: “Umm… sir, salmonella is caused by meat or raw eggs… and you got a vegetarian pizza. Also it would probably take longer than the time you had to eat it to get sick.”

Customer: “Fine! We got… streptococcus!”

Me: “We gave you strep throat… with a pizza?” *I think he meant staphylococcus*

Customer: “No, no… it’s… I know what it is… it’s Ebola!”

Me: *at this point I am trying not to crack up* “So… you have a hemorrhagic fever? I would highly recommend you going to the doctor and not bother to call us, sir. But I think you mean E coli… and that comes from under-cooked meat or contaminated food… and it takes about two to three days to show symptoms… Now, if you are talking about the under-cooked dough, I warned you about that, but the worst you could get from that is maybe a little indigestion.”

Customer: “How do you know about all those diseases?!”

Me: “It was a slow night last night and I read one of our food prep guides, and it had a section on food poisoning and how to avoid it… Now, is there anything else I can help you with, sir?”

(By this point I am putting on my sweet-as-pie voice.)

Customer: *long pause and then a sheepish voice* “No… thank you. Have a good night.” *hangs up*

Like Finding A Needle In A Bathroom

| AZ, USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Non-Dialogue

I work in a 24/7 fast food joint with a public bathroom inside. The shop is next to a popular homeless shelter, and sometimes, someone homeless would come into the bathrooms to “shower.” We cannot turn anyone away from using the bathroom.

One morning, I come in at five am and our night crew lets me know that someone is in the bathroom. After about ten minutes, I hear hollering followed by banging. It sounds like they’re yelling “yoo-hoo!” and have a real good time. I text my night crew and they said it’s been going on since about two am, but they never saw anyone go in. Knocking on the door, no one replies; they just kept yelling.

My manager comes in shortly after and immediately calls the police. It takes the police officers over an hour to get the man to leave the bathroom. I am sent in to clean up after him, and the walls are coated in dirt, blood, and poop. There is toilet paper everywhere, and about a dozen used needles.

My manager tapes garbage bags to my legs and arms, and right before I actually go in, the police stop me because it’s a crime scene. They take ONE needle, and leave.

It took me about two hours to clean it, and I cried while mopping the walls and picking up dirty needles.

No Special Excuses For Bad Behavior

, | MT, Canada | Bad Behavior, Health & Body

(A customer comes in with two five- to nine-year-olds and one that is likely two, in a stroller. Her kids are being s***s and almost breaking things. I approach.)

Me: “Hey, would you mind asking your children to stop? If they damage store property, you’ll have to pay.”

(She scoffs at me and her kids keep at it.)

Me: “Excuse me, I asked you once. Please tell your children to stop.”

(She doesn’t, so I approach her kids. She starts yelling at me.)

Customer: “How dare you ask them to stop! They’re just plastic things!”

(I explain yet again she’d have to pay for damaged property. She starts yelling so I ask her to leave the store if she isn’t going to listen.)

Customer: *freaking out* “What is your boss’s number?! My child is special and he does not understand. How dare you be so rude to ask me, a paying customer, to leave?!”

(We get to the front counter and she starts involving my coworker and other customers. She leaves without getting the number. I step outside to chill. She comes out and says to my face:)

Customer: “You know, if I didn’t know better, I’d assume you had autism.”

Acting Like She Was Born Yesterday

| NJ, USA | Health & Body, Underaged

(I’m waiting in line at the pharmacy; there’s one other gentleman in front of me, and then a fairly stereotypical “little old lady” up at the counter. I try not to judge, but…)

Lady: “I’m sorry, I just don’t understand.”

Pharmacist: “I just need you to give me your birth date for the system.”

Lady: “But those are my pills.”

Pharmacist: “I know, but I need to be able to type your birth date into the computer.”

Lady: “I don’t understand. I gave you my name.”

Pharmacist: “Yes, ma’am, but I need both your name AND your birth date.”

Lady: “Do I look like I’m too young to get pills?”

Pharmacist: “It’s not how old you are, ma’am. We just need the confirmation so we don’t give the wrong pills to the wrong person.”

Lady: “But they’re MY pills.”

Pharmacist: “Yes, ma’am. Please, just tell me the month and day you were born on…”

(This goes in a loop for about seven minutes, with the line getting longer and longer. Finally she relents and gives her birthdate… And takes another ten minutes trying to sort out how to use the credit card reader, refusing to let either the pharmacist or anyone else help her. Finally, she gets done, shuffles away, and the gentleman in front of me is called up.)

Man: “I’m picking up for [Man], my birthday is [Date], my phone number is [Number], my address is [Address], my first born’s name is [Son], and you can HAVE him if it speeds this up!”

(The rest of us, including the pharmacist, burst out laughing!)

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Sick Of Bad Parenting

| Ireland | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Health & Body, History

(I occasionally help out in my mother’s salon at busy times like Christmas week. There is a bit of a lull one morning this year so I leave to run some errands just as a client arrives with her three young children. I missed the following occurring not even ten minutes later..)

Baby: *throws up*

Mom: *sympathetic* “Is she OK?”

Client: “She’s fine, just something she ate this morning.”

(Almost on cue, one of the older kids “projectile vomits” across the floor. The other one doesn’t look very well either.)

Mom: “I’m sorry, but you need to take them home. They’re all sick.”

Client: “But my hair…”

Stylist: “No, they’re sick and if we get sick, too, we can’t work. They have that stomach bug that’s going around and it’s really bad.”

Client: “But my husband won’t look after them. I need my hair done!”

Mom: “In Ireland, men mind children, too. If he lives here, he helps.”

(She reluctantly left. I came back to my mother bleaching everything the kids had touched or thrown up on, and thankfully none of us got sick. We were just so boggled about how anyone could take clearly sick kids out anywhere, let alone for something as silly as a hair appointment. The client even tried to get another appointment for the day after Christmas, when no salon will open…)

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