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Category: Health & Body

Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

Don’t Assume You Nose Everything

| Bozeman, MT, USA | Health & Body, Hotels & Lodging

(I have allergies and early spring usually leaves me snuffling and sneezing. Even most meds don’t work well unless they knock me out, which means I can’t take them before work.)

Customer: “So are you into coke? Because your nose is stuffy.”

Me: *staring in shock*

Customer: “Well, I didn’t mean to be rude!”

Me: “No, it’s allergies. Here are your room keys.”

(I guess stuffy nose equals illegal drugs.)

Has No Meat Between Their Ears

| Milwaukee, WI, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Pets & Animals, Top

(I wear a leather duster, leather hat, and leather boots. I am working a booth for my employer and am approached by a customer.)

Customer: “Leather is murder.”

Me: “Well, the animal died for its meat. Might as well use its skin.”

Customer: “Meat is murder.”

Me: “Okay, so is eating anything else.”

Customer: “I am a vegan. Nothing I eat or wear is alive.”

Me: “Plants are alive.”

Customer: “But they do not feel and are not really alive.”

(I spot her leather boots.)

Me: “What about your boots?”

Customer: “They are made from vegan-friendly leather.”

(I look again at the obvious cowhide name-brand boots.)

Me: “They look like cowhide to me.”

Customer: “But they are VEGAN friendly. The salesperson told me. I think they come from a leather tree. You know like a rubber tree.”

Me: “There are no leather trees. They came from a cow.”

(The customer is getting really mad and shouting at me.)

Customer: “This isn’t about me wearing vegan leather! This is about you wearing non-vegan leather!”

Me: “I am sorry, but there is no such thing as vegan leather.”

Customer: “The salesperson told me it was vegan friendly. I bought them from [Major Boot Chain] and they wouldn’t lie.”

Me: “Sorry, but the only place you get leather is the skin of an animal.”

Customer: “Well, then cows must shed their skin like a snake and they used that. But this IS vegan leather.”

Me: “If a cow sheds its skin it dies. That is how you get the meat out.”

Customer: “LEATHER IS MURDER!”

(The customer walks off pointing at me and yelling ‘murderer!’)

Me: “Next?”

Following Customer: “Did that just happen?”

Me: “I would love to know what happened at the leather store that sold her the boots.”

Trying To Blow Smoke

| USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Health & Body

(I’m running the express lane when a lady approaches my till holding an infant of about a year old. Note: it’s October and around 68° outside.)

Me: “Hello! What can I do for you?”

Customer #1: *sets infant on counter * “Yes, I’d like two packs of [Brand] cigars.”

(I go get the cigars, and as I return and start ringing up her cigars, another customer walks by who also has an infant that is in only shorts, minding their own business.)

Customer #1: *to Customer #2’s infant* “Oooh, baby, you’re gonna get sick wearing only shorts. It’s, like, zero degrees outside.” *to me* “Some people.”

(She happily walked away with her cigars and baby.)

Taking The Man Out Of Spiderman

| Canada | Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Health & Body, Pets & Animals

(I work as a receptionist for my dad’s chiropractic office. Most of the patients are lovely, but we do have some odd ones. One patient in particular is a little bit sexist, but because he’s never intends to be outright rude, I just try to ignore his somewhat sexist comments. Today when he comes in he tries to play a little joke on me.)

Patient: *comes up to the desk and starts pointing at a random spot on it* “There’s a spider! Get it! Get it!”

(I casually look around, as I have had spiders sneak their way to my desk before, but I don’t see anything.)

Me: “Where is it? I don’t see it.”

Patient: *gives a bit of an odd look* “Right there! Get it!”

Me: *look again but still doesn’t see anything* “I still don’t see it. I guess it got away.” *shrugs*

Patient: *gives me another weird look* “Why aren’t you freaking out?”

Me: “Spiders don’t really bug me.”

Patient: “Oh… should I have said it was a snake?”

Me: “They don’t bug me either. I actually like snakes.”

Patient: *looks baffled* “What kind of woman are you?!”

Getting A Call From The Idiot Factory

| USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Health & Body

Customer: “So what’s in this supplement? I don’t want the product label; tell me what it’s MADE OF.”

Me: *after five minutes of searching and her complaining how long it was taking* “It’s made from chicken cartilage. Is that what you were wondering?”

Customer: “Oh, I knew that. I just wanted to know if you knew.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “So, where are your factory locations? Do you work there? You better work there if you’re selling me these products.”

Me: “Ma’am, I don’t work in the factory. I take phone call orders. We don’t release our manufacturing locations.”

Customer: “Well, what kind of shady company are you?!” *hangs up*

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