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Category: Health & Body

Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

The Situation Has All Gone Pear-Shaped

| Basingstoke, England, UK | Funny Names, Health & Body, Top

(I’m assisting an older customer trying to find some nice shrugs to cover her arms when she wears strappy dresses. I have found her a few and, for some reason, we have changed topic to women’s shapes.)

Me: “So, there are five general different shapes.”

Customer: “Five?”

Me: “Yup! Straight: where you’re equal measurements across the board, strawberry or top heavy: where your shoulders (or breasts) are the largest part of you, apple: where your waist is the biggest part, pear: where your hips are the widest and the hourglass: where your top is in proportion to your hips.”

Customer: “Oh, I’m a small hourglass as my shoulders are in line with my hips. You must be too!”

Me: “Oh no, I’m pear-shaped. My hips are easily the widest part of me; my top half is a lot narrower.”

Customer: “Oh… you look in proportion though. Oh! Probably because you have big boobs!”

Me: “Er… thanks. Anyway, was there anything else you were looking for?”

(I help the customer and check her out.)

Customer: “Thanks for your help, Big Boobs!”

Me: “You’re welcome. Bye!”

(There’s a small pause.)

Manager: “Good job, Big Boobs.”

An Idiot Born Every Minute

| East Stroudsburg, PA, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body

(We are located in a college town, so naturally, we sell a variety of things including condoms. Normally people just ask where they are then buy them. This started out like any other time.)

Customer: “Yo, you all sell condoms?”

Me: “Yes, right over there.” *point to where they are*

Customer: “What?! You only sell 3-packs? You don’t sell single condoms? See, this is why people be having babies!”

(I stood there stunned as he kicked our door open and left.)

A Spoonful Of Violence Helps The Medicine Go Down

| OH, USA | At The Checkout, Health & Body, Money, Top

(I am on quite a few prescription medicines, one of which costs $170. I am picking up four refills.)

Pharmacy Clerk: “This one is $1.17. The second is $7.79. And the third is…”

(He trails off and takes a few steps back from the counter separating us.)

Pharmacy Clerk: “Uh… do you know how much this costs?”

Me: “If it’s the [Brand Name Medicine], then it will be about $170.”

(He looks relieved and returns to the register.)

Pharmacy Clerk: “Sorry. On my first week on the job, a customer assaulted me after hearing the price of his medicine.”

Don’t Assume You Nose Everything

| Bozeman, MT, USA | Health & Body, Hotels & Lodging

(I have allergies and early spring usually leaves me snuffling and sneezing. Even most meds don’t work well unless they knock me out, which means I can’t take them before work.)

Customer: “So are you into coke? Because your nose is stuffy.”

Me: *staring in shock*

Customer: “Well, I didn’t mean to be rude!”

Me: “No, it’s allergies. Here are your room keys.”

(I guess stuffy nose equals illegal drugs.)

Has No Meat Between Their Ears

| Milwaukee, WI, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Pets & Animals, Top

(I wear a leather duster, leather hat, and leather boots. I am working a booth for my employer and am approached by a customer.)

Customer: “Leather is murder.”

Me: “Well, the animal died for its meat. Might as well use its skin.”

Customer: “Meat is murder.”

Me: “Okay, so is eating anything else.”

Customer: “I am a vegan. Nothing I eat or wear is alive.”

Me: “Plants are alive.”

Customer: “But they do not feel and are not really alive.”

(I spot her leather boots.)

Me: “What about your boots?”

Customer: “They are made from vegan-friendly leather.”

(I look again at the obvious cowhide name-brand boots.)

Me: “They look like cowhide to me.”

Customer: “But they are VEGAN friendly. The salesperson told me. I think they come from a leather tree. You know like a rubber tree.”

Me: “There are no leather trees. They came from a cow.”

(The customer is getting really mad and shouting at me.)

Customer: “This isn’t about me wearing vegan leather! This is about you wearing non-vegan leather!”

Me: “I am sorry, but there is no such thing as vegan leather.”

Customer: “The salesperson told me it was vegan friendly. I bought them from [Major Boot Chain] and they wouldn’t lie.”

Me: “Sorry, but the only place you get leather is the skin of an animal.”

Customer: “Well, then cows must shed their skin like a snake and they used that. But this IS vegan leather.”

Me: “If a cow sheds its skin it dies. That is how you get the meat out.”

Customer: “LEATHER IS MURDER!”

(The customer walks off pointing at me and yelling ‘murderer!’)

Me: “Next?”

Following Customer: “Did that just happen?”

Me: “I would love to know what happened at the leather store that sold her the boots.”

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