Category: Health & Body

Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

Shouting Out Hot Gas

| North Rhine Westphalia, Germany | Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Home Improvement

(Our call centre deals with emergency calls from people who smell gas in their homes.)

Me: “This is [Company]. My name is [My Name]. What seems to be the problem?”

Caller: “Uhm, yes. I just wanted you to know that it smells strange in my basement. I think it may be gas.”

Me: “Okay. Please give me your address, open all windows, and avoid plugging or unplugging any electronic devices. Our on-call service will be with you within 30 minutes.”

Caller: *gives address* “… Wait, did you said that you will be here in half an hour?”

Me: “Yes, as requested by law.”

Caller: “Wait, no! I can’t stay at home. You need to come later! Can’t I make an appointment?”

Me: “This is an emergency line. Once you reported the incident, we have to act. You can’t leave your house now.”

Caller: “But my son needs to see his music teacher! He’s going to be the next Mozart. You’ll see!”

Me: “Still, you are not allowed to leave. In case you won’t be there, we have to cut your gas line due to secur—”

Caller: “NO! You won’t come NOW! This is your customer’s service?! I will tell all my friends and no one will ever call you again!”

(After that she hung up. Fortunately, the mechanic met her at the door and could check her installation. It was leaky. She still refused to stay, so we shut her down. She wasn’t pleased.)

Combo Number Four(skin)

, | Des Moines, IA, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names, Health & Body, Rude & Risque

(I’m working the drive-thru at about nine pm. A car comes up and a teenager gives his order of a burger.)

Me: “And what size do you want for that?”

Customer: “Uh… circumcise me!”

Me: “You mean supersize?”

Customer: “Yeah! Circumcise me.”

(He drives to the first window, paying. I stick an extra plastic knife in his bag. When he drives to my window, I hand him his food.)

Me: “Sir, I included one of our plastic knives. Unfortunately, we can’t perform your request here.”

Customer: “What?”

(The girl in the passenger seat, presumably his girlfriend, leans over and whispers in his ear.)

Customer: *eyes widen and looks at me horrified*

Me: “You did ask.”

Customer: *steps on the gas and speeds out of the drive-thru*

You Can Hear The Irony From Here

| Auckland, New Zealand | Bizarre, Health & Body

(I work in the call centre for an insurance company. The caller I am speaking to is an elderly gentleman who has called to make sure his new hearing aids are covered under his policy.)

Me: “Yes, hearing aids are fully covered under your contents policy. And the good news is that if you have to make a claim, you won’t have to pay an excess.”

Caller: “What was that, dear?”

Me: “If you need to make a claim for your hearing aids you won’t have to pay any excess.”

Caller: “No, I still didn’t get that.”

Me: *nearly shouting* “IF YOU NEED TO CLAIM FOR YOUR HEARING AIDS IT WON’T COST YOU ANYTHING! WE’LL REPLACE THEM FOR FREE!”

Caller: *cheerfully* “You must be thinking; ‘why hasn’t he got the f****** things in?'”

One Is In Sickness, The Other Is in Health

| France | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Health & Body, Spouses & Partners

(I am returning to a patient after we have received a call from his worried wife.)

Me: “Okay. So, we got your wife on the phone—”

Patient: “Which one?”

Me: “Which one what?”

Patient: “Which wife. I have two at the moment. She didn’t say her name?”

Me: “… No. She just said she was your wife.”

Patient: “D***.”

Me: “…”

Me: “Well, at least one of your wives is worried about you, sir.”

Green Eyes Don’t Get You The Green

| TN, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Health & Body, Money

(I am keying in banking and income information for a customer who really wants to borrow 200 dollars.)

Me: “Congratulations! You’ve been approved for $150 today!”

Customer: “Oh, man! Thanks! Did you know you have the most beautiful green eyes I’ve ever seen, young lady?”

Me: “Thank you so much, but our loans are computer generated amounts based on your income and banking information. I can’t approve for more than the $150.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, they aren’t that pretty after all.”

Me: *just staring at him* “Umm?”

Customer: “That came out wrong.”