Category: Health & Body

Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

Numb Thumb Dum Dum

| Australia | Extra Stupid, Health & Body

(A customer comes into the pharmacy and approaches the back desk.)

Pharmacist: “Good afternoon. How can I help you?”

(The customer raises their hand and shows the pharmacist their hand, their thumb is blue and turning a dark colour.)

Customer: “Oh, hi. The other day I accidentally smacked my thumb with a hammer and it’s gone blue and I can’t feel anything… Should I go see a doctor?”

Not Much Assurance About The Insurance, Part 5

| USA | Health & Body, Money

(I work in a medical supply company, and most orders are taken over the phone. We do not take insurance.)

Customer: “Do y’all take insurance?”

Me: “No, you’d have to pay by credit card and then go through them for a reimbursement.”

Customer: “How about if I have Medicaid? What’s the price then?”

Me: “The price is the same, because you’ll still be paying with your credit card.”

Customer: “I don’t understand.”

Me: “We only take credit cards. We do not accept insurance.”

Customer: “I don’t understand. How much is it with Medicaid?”

Me: “We don’t accept Medicaid. We don’t accept insurance.”

Customer: “Yes, but how much is it?”

Me: “It’s 7.25, but you would have to use your credit card.”

Customer: “What about if I pay through Medicaid?”

Me: “We don’t accept Medicaid.”

Customer: “I don’t understand.”

Me: “We don’t accept insurance. You would have to pay with credit card and then get a reimbursement from your insurance.”

Customer: “But what about if I have Blue Cross/Blue Shield?”

Me: “We still don’t take insurance, no matter what company it is.”

(She finally got the picture with that final quip.)


Not Much Assurance About The Insurance, Part 4
Not Much Assurance About The Insurance, Part 3
Not Much Assurance About The Insurance, Part 2

You Need To Get Ovary It

| USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Wild & Unruly

(I’m a manager at a restaurant with a drive-thru. A customer pulls up to the speaker box and proceeds to tell the order-taker that she had come through last night and her three chicken sandwiches were cold. She says she spoke with a manager and was told to come by for a replacement. The company’s policy is just to replace the order with or without proof, so the drive-thru operator tells her to go ahead and pull around to the window. As the manager I verify that the replacement chicken sandwiches are fresh and hot and hand the bag out the window myself. As I’m about to tell her that I have made sure her sandwiches were fresh, she snatches the bag out of my hand and screams.)

Customer:  “What about my d*** fries and drinks?”

Me: “Sorry about that, ma’am, I didn’t realize you had wanted fries or drinks. What would you like to drink?”

Customer:  “[Soda]!”

(A minute later I hand her the fries and drinks. She starts screaming again.)


(I make her three new sodas, the whole time staying calm and polite. I tell her to have a good day and apologize one more time for her cold food on her last visit. As she drives away the employee who took her order says:)

Employee: “I don’t know how you stay calm like that when those assholes are getting free food.”

(I shrug my shoulders and walk away. The phone rings and I answer it. Of course it’s the customer from the drive through screaming into the phone.)


Me: “Speaking. How can I help you?”

(She goes on to say that she had horrible service, girl at the window was rude, food was cold, etc.)

Me: “Ma’am, I handed out your order. I apologize if you thought I was being rude, but I can assure you the sandwiches and fries were hot and fresh. I verified that myself before handing you the order.”

Customer:  “I HAVE OVARIAN CANCER AND I EXPECT TO BE TREATED BETTER THAN THIS! This is horrible customer service!”

Me: “Ma’am, I apolo—”


Employee: “Did she just say—”

Me: “—that she hopes I die from ovarian cancer? Yes.”

About To Be Dis-Appointed

| Northern Ireland, UK | Crazy Requests, Health & Body

(I am working reception. I have just arrived at work when one of the medical secretaries approaches me. She says that one of the doctors, a gastroenterologist, has phoned in sick, ironically with gastroenteritis! Most of his patients have been contacted to advise them not to turn up for that day’s clinic, but that there had been one or two who weren’t contactable. When these patients arrive for their appointments I am to just apologise and reassure them that another appointment will be made when the doctor returns to work. I did this for each patient, and most are okay about it. Some comment that it is a little inconvenient, but aren’t really angry or abusive as they acknowledged it isn’t our fault. An older lady approaches me with a younger woman, who looks to be in her 30s or 40s, and turns out to be her daughter. She hands me her letter.)

Mother: “I’m here for an appointment with Dr [Name].”

Me: “Unfortunately, madam, the doctor is off sick today. His secretary did try to phone his patients to let them know, but she must have been unable to contact you. I understand it is inconvenient for you, and I’m sorry you’ve been put out like this. You will be given another appointment when he returns to work.”

Daughter: “Oh!”

Mother: “What? But I came all the way in for my appointment!”

Me: “I understand that, but there isn’t anything else I can do for you. As I said I am sorry you have been inconvenienced like this.”

Daughter: “That’s all right.” *to her mum* “Come on, mum, let’s go.”

Mother: “This is f****** ridiculous! I f****** came all this way in for my appointment and you’re telling me the f****** doctor is off sick!? This is f****** outrageous! YOU CANNOT TREAT AN OLD WOMAN LIKE THIS!”

Me: “Believe me, madam, I understand completely. I would be frustrated if I was in your situation. Again, I’m very sorry for the inconvenience.”

Daughter: “Don’t worry about it. She’ll get re-booked when the doctor is back at work, right?”

Me: “Yes, of course. Once he is back to work his secretary will arrange another appointment.”

Daughter: “Okay, thank you.” *to her mother* “You see, mum? Nothing to worry about. Come on, let’s get you home.”

(She turns to walk away. Her mother reluctantly follows, before turning back to me.)

Mother: “So Dr. [Name] is off sick, is he?”

Me: “Yes, madam, unfortunately he has gastroenteritis.”

Mother: “WELL, HE F****** DESERVES IT!”

What The Beep Did You Think We Were Doing?

| Australia | Extra Stupid, Health & Body

(I’m an audiologist in a hearing aid clinic. Testing the hearing of fully grown, competent adults is a large part of my job. I have this conversation at least once a week.)

Me: “Okay, so we’re going to do the hearing test now. I’m going to put these headphones on–” *holds up headphones* “–and I want to you press this button–” *hands client the button and mimes pressing it* “–when you hear a beep, okay?”

Client: “Okay, so press the button when I hear it?”

Me: “Yes, when you hear it.”

Client: “Okay.”

(I then sit down at my computer and present a beep through the headphones at a reasonable volume. No response. I go a bit louder, the client just sits there. I check my equipment and present again. Nothing. I try the other ear, nothing. Finally, I go back to the client.)

Me: “Were there any beeps there?”

Client: *with pride* “Oh, yes, I heard all of those!”

Me: “Ok… so, when you hear it… press the button.”

Client: “Oh! Have we started?”

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